I (F 22) planned on meeting Larry (M 23) for a date tomorrow. As I was looking at his social media with a friend this evening, I found out he was married previously. He hasn’t mentioned it to me. He has also kind of been “love bombing” and trying to move pretty quickly. Now I am feeling a bit uneasy about the date and am not sure what to do. Do I cancel? How do I do it nicely? Any advice would be helpful.
Edit: I didn’t stalk social media, he asked me to follow him.
Edit 2: Thank you everyone. I am going to cancel and stop talking to him.
Comments
Why cancel? He was married not is married
Message him and say, “unfortunately I’ve had a change of plans and I will not be available to meet you tomorrow as planned” Then just block him. If he’s love bombing you, he isn’t going to take no for an answer.
If he is not honest….. 🚩 he will never be honest with you… thats all i want to say.. rest is yours
Being previously married ain’t the concern. Love bombing is. Focus on that and set healthy boundaries. If he keeps pushing and not respecting those boundaries, drop his ass ✌🏻
I understand! That’s a bit weird. Not a balanced person. You don’t want to deal with that. Call it off.
when it comes to dating someone new, you dont even need to have a solid reason to cancel if you get sketchy vibes!
How long have you been talking ? Idk maybe it’s not something he’s ready to just bring up? Of course if it bothers you then follow your gut and cancel .
I am a second wife . Social media destroys so many people. I choose to wait and meet
You seem like you are leaning towards canceling, so I’d say listen to your gut. Love bombing at the beginning is never a great sign. If you’ve only been talking for a few days, you don’t owe him an explanation on why you’re canceling. A simple excuse will do or you could just tell him you’re not interested and he can deal with it.
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If it’s just a ‘meet and greet’ date, keep it at 30 minutes for coffee.
Maybe he’s just nervous. If there’s something weird and off about him, trust your instincts and leave.
Don’t give him your last name or any other identity info.
Be cautious always.
It seems normal to me that he wouldn’t tell you he was married before. It’s not something people shout from the rooftops and probably he thinks it might scare you off. Maybe he plans to tell you that during the first date. I don’t see a red flag there other than the fact that he’s pretty young to already be married and divorced, but things happen.
The bigger issue is the love bombing, especially if he hasn’t even met you yet. You could tell him that you like to take your time to get to know him, you want to make sure youre compatible people, etc. and there’s no rush. If he keeps doing it then red flag. But go with your gut. A strong intuition is a woman’s most powerful tool.
So two immediate thoughts- There’s a certain irony to you both being bothered that he didn’t mention the brief marriage and that he’s moving fast. Like for someone you’ve only been talking to for a few days and haven’t been on a day with yet if I’m understanding this correctly, I don’t see how the not mentioning being married in the past is a red flag. I suppose it would depend on what you’ve already discussed but even then, you never know if it was traumatic or just given how young you both are, perhaps not something he brings up early because it might scare away some people.
My point there is just the combination of the fact that you don’t know each other well yet and I wouldn’t consider it untruthful or any sort of sign on its own.
Second thought though- is that you don’t need any justification, period, if you’re just not feeling it or worse are actively feeling uncomfortable about aspects of your communication with him. Always trust your gut.
So I think you can tell, I’m also someone who can spend a lot of time in my head and can reason and talk things out forever. But at the end of the day you don’t owe this guy a date or anything really. If you’re already picking up on signs of manipulation (which is what love bombing is) then don’t doubt your instincts. Best to cut it off now.
What do you mean by “lovebombing” exactly?
I’d go for one date. maybe there’s a situation that he hasn’t explained yet. The love bombing is another concern entirely…
Cancel! A similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago. Guy was texting constantly. I canceled our first date and he turned nasty. I had to block him. Trust your gut.
He’s 23 was married short time now divorced and you find it odd after stalking his social media that he hasn’t said anything?
Could it be he feels like a he made a dumb choice to get married to said person so young? Which would be totally in the normal thought process
Why would he at this point? It doesn’t benefit at this age to say hey I got married to this girl at 19 separated 3 months later and divorce finalized at a year. If a guy said this to you you would see at a very immature not well planned out or thought out. Sharing this before a date to see if uh guys even click for 2nd date would be just as dumb showing you that’s he’s learned nothing from his life experiences so far…..
There’s a 23 year old out in the world who’s name is Larry ? Lmao
Keep it real . Truthful
Trust your guts. If something feels off, It’s okay to step back. You don’t owe anyone a date, especially if you’re uncomfortable.
Look at how the first date is going and check for red flag.
I can understand that he may have married young and had a problem in the couple (he could have been cheated on and want to forget her as fast as possible)
Anyway don’t say anything about it. But be on the lookout for bad omen ….
Go on the date and wait for him to bring it up. He knows you would dig thru it and find stuff to ask him about.
Let things happen organically and just follow your gut.
If you don’t want to have a 2nd date then just state at the end of this date.
Maybe you’re not ready for dating if you’re concerned that he used to be married and didn’t tell you when you haven’t even had a date yet.
It’s also a weird reaction, considering the fact that he asked you to follow him on social media and that’s where you found out this information. It’s not like he’s signing in and he would have no reason to hide it.
I’m not even sure if you know what love bombing is. Just do everyone a favor and cancel.
If you have a bad feeling, listen to yourself.
Anytime you feel uncomfortable about a first date, it probably means you need to look elsewhere. I would suggest getting to know someone better before a “date”. Dating can suck and at least you haven’t wasted a bunch of time.
Don’t cancel the date. Show up in a wedding dress.
Idk I’d just ask him what’s going on with him. He seems to be pretty desperate for affection, maybe there’s a reason. I’m not sure what I’d do if my SO left me. I’m sure I’d be searching for comfort too.
If he gets weird about it, ditch ’em. But if he’s just grasping at any chance he can get, try to set some boundaries.
Not everyone is just weird and creepy.
He doesn’t owe you his past until he’s ready to tell you. I’d be more concerned about the name Larry. That’s a huge red flag 🚩 😂
I wouldn’t not go out with him because he didn’t tell you about being married.
Honestly if he told you right when you met that is TMI and I would think that is a bit odd.
Is he flattering you and saying complimentary things or saying he loves you?
Why does he owe you his entire history when you haven’t been on a single date? You definitely sound like a 22 yr old.