So a newer friend just called me this morning and was nervous but wanted to let me know that last week my partner of about 1.5 years went in the bar she works at with a woman who she was able to name as our neighbor and he told her not to tell me they were there. She said they drunkenly made out for 10 minutes or so, and were super drunk.
I was sick in bed that night. We were actually hanging out and she invited herself over (she must be 40s, married with 2 teen kids) and I ended up leaving them to drink together because I wasn’t feeling well, and why would I have to worry about him with an older married woman, right?
I have always been worried about cheating (been bit multiple times in the past) and made it clear from day 1 that I will run if there is even the most mild instance. He works on the road a LOT and I’ve always been a tad worried, but he’s been super clear that that would never happen, he loves me too much, etc. He has never given me any reason to think he would cheat
Now, why don’t I just run like I said I would? We have an almost 2 year old child (yea, yea, do the math on that one). And a house which while in our names, his parents put a ton of money down for, I can break down the dollar amounts as I contributed a lot too.
I did confront him. Told him to fess (over the phone, he’s out of town), he honestly seemed to have no clue what I’m talking about. I named the bar and he said yea I went there with ‘neighbor’. I didn’t spell it out for him, just told him to think on it and hung up. But neither of us has texted since, you’d think he’d say something if he really didn’t know? If he genuinely doesn’t remember then it’s an alcohol issue. He doesn’t drink daily, but parties too often for my liking. I thought I was just being a prude cause I don’t really drink anymore. But if he’s drinking with people he will get so incoherent he’s like a different person.
That friend is supposed to get surveillance footage and send me a couple videos or pictures in a couple hours (which I’ll show the neighbour husband when I get the chance), I’m waiting to call him again until then
Do I ask him to give up alcohol for me to stay? Do we move away from the neighbour? His parents are loaded and will likely pay for the best lawyer possible even though they won’t like the cheating, will I be screwed If I leave (Canada)?
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why sign up for a lifetime of doubt and surveillance?
It’s over. If you can’t trust and need to jail someone to trust them, there’s nothing left. I get it about the child but life is too short to waste years and he needs to be responsible for the child no matter what. If you’re okay with just trusting him, then try to work it out
I would tell the husband and then I would contact an attorney to see what my options are. Why would this person lie? He cheated on you. Why else would he say please don’t tell her we were here? People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
Time for you to go get a lawyer of your own. This relationship is over.
You can’t stay with him there has probably been an affair going on with him and the neighbor for sometime. Cut your losses and leave and stop finding excuses why you should stay. Sell your portion of the house. Talk to a lawyer and get the guy to pay child support. Do not stay with the cheater.
Supply copies to his parents when you give them to the neighbor’s husband. Time to visit a family law specialist lawyer about child support and visitation.
I wouldn’t be surprised if his parents pressure him to move out and leave the house to you and their grand child. They have money invested and a grand child to support. Since he’s on the road a lot he can just get a small place and let you stay in the house.
Well hold on – did he slip her the tongue!???
Once a cheater, always a cheater. I know this from experience.
UpdateMe
Better question – will you be screwed if you stay? He cheated with a neighbor, who had been in your house !! If he will do this with a neighbor, I am sorry OP, but he is doing it on the road too.
I would recommend talking to a lawyer about child support and your options since you have a house together (if it isn’t in your name, not much you can likely do). If the child is his, maybe his parents would give you a bit of $ to get settled in a new place.
If you stay, you will be driving yourself crazy wondering what he is doing when he isn’t home. You can ask him to give up the booze, but whose to say he will keep that promise on the road. If you stay, then just accept that he can’t be trusted and don’t get mad when he falters. My condition would likely be for him to get a vasectomy and regular STD checks (you too).
Call a lawyer, then show the neighbors husband.
Having a child together is no reason to stay. In fact it’s a reason to leave. Show your child how to have healthy boundaries and relationships.
This is not the way
He’s never going to change, kid or no kid, leave. He has a drinking problem and a cheater, see a lawyer learn your options regarding child support and the money you put into the house. And get tested for STDs
There is no alcohol issue that makes faithful partners cheat.
Full stop.
Have you checked the bar to ask for surveillance video? Might not work, but if you confirm there are cameras there, you can put the onus on him by pretending you saw on film, and tell he he can go there to fetch it, and show you.
…and there better not be a mysterious 10 minute gap in the footage.
As soon as you have the footage, take it to an attorney.
Ofc he remembers unless he blacked out. Don’t propose or suggest a course of action, instead let him suggest some like that or you will have to break up, sell the house, file for support, etc. etc. He needs to know this is very serious
Update when you get the footage. But wouldn’t be surprised if he’s out of town making out with someone else while getting his story together for you.
I’m sorry OP. Get tested. Tell her husband. Move on and enjoy your peace.
Updateme