Hi everyone, I really need some advice.
I’m 23F, boyfriend is 27M. Been together since 2023. Had our baby in 2025.
I’m almost 8 months postpartum. I’m on antidepressants, I just started my first full-time teaching job in August, and I’m exhausted between school, home, and our baby. My boyfriend has been constantly pressuring me for sex — pretty much every night — and when I say no, he gets upset.
He actually made a post on Reddit recently about this, and everyone was on my side. He showed me all the responses last night, apologized, and even deleted it. That gave me hope… until this morning.
He willingly gave me his phone so I could read the post and the other comments he hadn’t texted me. I checked his phone went to his profile and saw he had also posted in a swinger subreddit for my state, looking for “older women.” This is now the fourth time something like this has happened.
The first time, I was 5 months pregnant, and he was messaging girls on Snapchat (two-way convos, making sexual comments about their bodies, asking to “see their clit”).
Since then, it’s happened multiple times — always him messaging women, commenting on their bodies, asking for sexual attention. Usually, they don’t reply.
His excuse every time is that I “won’t give him sex” or blow jobs, and that “porn is overused.”
I’ve talked to him about helping out more, and while he has started doing some things, it’s not enough. He’ll give the baby a bath maybe once a week, do dishes once a week, take out the trash, and occasionally pick up after I’ve asked several times. But that’s all. Meanwhile, I do the baby’s laundry, my laundry, the dishes, bottles, nighttime wake-ups — everything.
He works lawn care 6–7 days a week and constantly throws that in my face if I complain, saying I wasn’t working nearly much as him before I got this teaching job.
He can’t use that as an excuse now when I leave at 6:30am to drop off our baby at my parents. I get off around 3 then usually stay at the school to get stuff done. Leave, get to my parents and it’s the first time I get to sit all day so I stay for an hour then go home.
I want to leave, but I’m heartbroken thinking about our baby having to go back and forth her whole life. That’s literally the only reason I’ve stayed.
Yes he’s amazing with paying for everything for us but that’s what a partner is for, especially when I was basically a stay at home mom working maybe 3 times a week at a daycare. He’s the main provider.
I just feel so stuck. I really want to hear both sides, because honestly I feel crazy for my emotions and the way he’s reacting.
Advice please!!
TLDR: I’m 8 months postpartum & a first year 3rd grade teacher. I’m always doing everything while my boyfriend pressures me for sex and does very little to help. I’ve caught him multiple times messaging other women and even posting in swinger subreddits. I feel stuck because of our baby but don’t know what to do. I need advice
Comments
I mean…this is the fourth time he’s done it. He’s a douchecanoe.
It’s just a matter of time before he actually does the deed of cheating, though, that’s always been his intent.
There’s really no future for this relationship.
My girl, he’s deplorable. Worst of the worst. He’s doing this shit when you have a brand new baby. He doesn’t see that he’s doing anything wrong. Throw the whole man away. Burn the whole man to the ground. He will never change, child support will be more helpful than he is as a human being.
If you stay with him, you will teach your daughter to accept this kind of treatment. Is that what you want for her?
I dunno. I wouldn’t feel toooo bad making the child go back and forth, because it’s kind of clear this guy did not really want a family. I’m not sure what he said to you pre-baby or if baby was planned or not, but that sorta doesn’t matter now, he’s having some kind of crisis now that he has to be a family man. So… idk. If you stay, as your child grows up they’re going to pick up on that. Dad’s distant, dad doesn’t want to spend time with me, mom is always frustrated with dad etc… in some cases a single mom can provide a better emotional experience, esp if your parents are heavily involved and one day you may even find someone else. Imagine a step dad who actually wants to be an involved father and then you can have the family life you deserve. Doesn’t that sound better?
It’s very clear it’s time to get rid of this guy and then file for child support. I just hope he has a good job and he can pay it.
And I hope you’re much more selective with who you date in the future and who you allow around your child.
i just read the title and laughed
Don’t worry the baby won’t be going back and forth, you’ll have full custody and have to chase him for child support he says you’re spending on treats for yourself. I’m sorry
“See their clit” LOL… are we reading this right?