Hi all! So my ex and I have been broken up for 3.5 months. After our breakup I realized that he was already out of the relationship a month prior to our breakup. I kept asking him to see me but he always came up with an excuse (busy, need to work on me, etc.)
I want to acknowledge that I have my faults and after we broke up I handled the breakup very immaturely. I have been by his neighborhood 3 or 4 times due to some events happening there that I absolutely love but have not ran into him. I make sure to hide lol. Literally go the opposite way. I also accidentally called him (IT WAS TRULY AN ACCIDENT) once and texted him another time to talk after our breakup after he told me he had moved on. The reason I texted him was because I was going to certain events and didn’t want to run into him and there be bad blood between us. I also didn’t want to see him and feel like I couldn’t say hi. I’m not a vengeful person at all. We also had a beautiful relationship, 11/12 months we were together.
However, last week I ran into him with another woman (younger). I cried the first day but the next day I woke up ok telling myself that I cannot control his heart nor his emotions. So now I’m fine but I can’t help to think what he thinks about me after knowing that I saw him. I wish he had handled our breakup with my grace and the truth but I can’t expect me out of people.
So, I’m just looking to see if I’m in the right path? I won’t text him and I won’t spiral over his actions because he decided to move on. And men if you have any opinion please give them to me. I really need it.
I just truly wish he was honest with me instead of taking the easy way out. Like just say you lost attraction instead of lying, because I truly believed him.
Ps: we are 20 years apart. I’m in my mid-20s. Im in therapy now trying to solve my childhood trauma and fixing me and loving me.
Comments
Looking back on the relationship was it all positive? Or were there signs that you missed that no longer align with what you would look for in a partner?
As a man, please know that he didn’t just move on physically and emotionally, he put the whole “beautiful relationship” with you in the rear view mirror, and then got out of the car. He put it in a box, taped it shut, and put it in storage. He’s forgotten about you, he doesn’t want to talk to you, he doesn’t want to see you. Your relationship ended, and there is no reason for any future contact. He’s a new person, not even someone you used to know, he’s now someone you don’t know at all and the knew him doesn’t know you either. If you see him don’t bother saying hi.
That’s not all men, that’s this man. It’s what he has shown you, it’s just that you haven’t yet accepted it, but now it’s time. He’s gone. Focus on you, and your future, not the past
I applaud you on extending your ex so much so much compassion while staying steady in your own personal power and worth. It’s okay that you struggled or acted out of character in the beginning. Heartbreak is agonizing, you can’t be expected to be your best self while you’re in pain. It sounds like you’re very self aware and are learning from this experience, which is more than most people do.
It sucks that he couldn’t tell you the truth. It is a reflection of his own weaknesses, nothing more. Be sure not to beat yourself up for simply trusting someone that you loved. I think you’re on the right path and you just need time. Give yourself the same compassion and understanding you’re giving him 🙂