Just needed somewhere to talk about me (18F) and my boyfriend’s (18M) relationship

So I’m a 18 year old girl and my boyfriend is also 18 years olds. We have been dating well over a year now.

Here’s a bit of background about me before I actually get to the venting. I don’t have friends. It’s just as simple as that. I had one main friend but we drifted a bit after I moved schools and then from there on, I made a couple of friends but once I started running start, where I took classes at the local community college, we also stopped talking. I was still cool with them, but they only invited me to school events. I would see them post together and having fun, and never once got an invite. I work a lot and I have REALLY strict parents, so I might not been able to have gone. But still, an invite at least would’ve made me feel thought of. Like they actually wanted to have me around if I could. But I was never invited.

My boyfriend on the other hand, has quite a bit of friends. He has a whole friend group and is very social with them. They would hang out together a lot and I was honestly kinda jealous of what they had cuz I wanted to be apart of something like that.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year and he is the sweetest person ever. I love him dearly and honestly don’t see myself leaving him. I know everyone says that, but I really think it’s true. He knows that I don’t have friend, and I always call him my best friend cuz he is. He is one of the only friends I actually have.

When I found out that he had a lot of friends, I got so happy cuz I thought maybe I’d get to be apart of that. Keep in mind… everything I’ve said previously about my “friends” my boyfriend knows. So I was hoping maybe I’d get to actually be apart of a friend group now cuz my boyfriend was, but I guess I had my hopes up too high. They have hung out numerous times since we started dating… and just two weeks ago was my first invite to anything, sadly work got in the way of that. I have invited him countless times to family parties and he’s never invited me to any of his friend parties.. which I know he always has so much fun at. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me or anything so that is never the thing I’m worried about. It’s just… he knows how I so badly want friends and want to be included in things… but I’m always left out of stuff… and he’s doing the exact same thing.

One of the things that really had me in tears was when we had our first sleepover. Like I said, my parents are REALLY REALLY strict so we just had our first sleepover like not too long ago. On that same day was a party that one of his friends was having at her house. I thought “perfect, this could finally be the beginning of me hanging out with them” but I was so wrong. I went over to his house a few hours before the party and we hung out and stuff… then it came time and he wanted me to drive him there cuz he doesn’t have a license. He didn’t invite me to stay.. but said I could play games on his computer while he was gone for about an hour or so. We talked about it the day before the sleepover about what would happen, and I told him ofc I could drop him off. I am very much a people pleaser and it breaks me to make him feel bad in any way, so ofc I wasn’t going to say that it hurt that he didn’t invite me and I wasn’t about to ask if I could come to, cuz then again he was the one who got invited and not me. I really thought he would ask me if I wanted to stay with him there at the party. I thought maybe after a day of thinking about it, he wouldn’t wanna leave me alone at his house while he was with his friends, and would invite me, the girlfriend who was currently having a sleepover at his house, to hang out with his friends because he knew that all I’ve ever wanted was to be included in things and feel like I belong. But that obviously didn’t happen. I dropped him off, got back to his house, and just sobbed on his bed. I pretended like everything was ok cuz I knew that if he knew I was sad about something, he would feel bad, and then I would feel bad about making him feel bad, and would end up being the one to apologize. I had already thought before that maybe the answer was that he just didn’t want me to be around his friends.. or he was embarrassed of me or something… but that incident just made me believe it even more. I always just end up giving him the benefit of the doubt cuz I knows he’s not the one who sets up the get togethers, and it’s his friends who do, so maybe he just doesn’t wanna bring someone else along without them being cool about it. That’s why I never invited myself to anything he does and asks if I could come because it’s not my event.

Every time he goes somewhere with them… I just end up sobbing. I don’t have my own friends so I get so jealous and want that of my own. I wish I could be doing these fun things with people but it never happens. That’s why I thought throughout this year of dating… he’d invite me cuz he knew how lonely I was. He’s the only person I get to go places with.. and I swear I’m not trying to control the things he does. It’s great that he gets to be with his friends and have fun, ofc I would feel happy that he gets to experience that. I just wish it was more than the one time two weeks ago that he’d say “hey wanna come with us if you’re not busy”… like I said… even if I can’t make it.. its the thought of being invited and thought about that would make me so happy. I knows maybe he just wants his alone time with them so he doesn’t want his girlfriend around when he’s trying to have fun with them or something. I also don’t get to see him a lot because of my strict parents.. so I thought maybe if he invited me more.. they’d let me see him.

I’m sorry if it seems like I’m overreacting.. but I’m just a very emotional person. I love my boyfriend more than anything, and I never want to lose him. That’s part of the reason I don’t wanna ever say anything of this to him. I just wanted to get this off my chest. He’s always the person I go to vent about stuff cuz I don’t have other friends.. but this time he’s not the one I can go talk to about this. If anyone actually read all of this, thank you for staying, I really appreciate you taking time to listen to me vent. I’m not looking for advice or anything really.. I kinda just wanted to be heard for once… and maybe someone else has experienced something similar.

TL;DR;: Basically, I feel left out when my boyfriend hasn’t invited me to hang out with my friends cuz he knows that I don’t have friends and just wanna be included. It kinda makes me feel like he doesn’t want me around when he’s with them.