Tonight I thought I was going to have a rare, fun social night – with my boyfriend, his sister, and her recent boyfriend.
I’ve been a good friend to his sister. I was the first person she confided in on her divorce to her former husband, before family. She wanted me to know before them. I listened, didn’t judge, and supported her, keeping it in total confidence until she was ready to tell the family (including my boyfriend/her brother). I thought we’ve been tight since then, but I was wrong.
Because for over an hour tonight, I listened to her talk shit about me for not supporting my boyfriend’s friendships, and how he should reclaim a friendship with a woman who was eager to cheat on her now husband with him. Who’s always been incredibly disrespectful to me, touching him inappropriately, etc., since we started dating nearly 5 years ago. She encouraged him to prioritize and reunite with friends who have supported his alcoholism, knowing those were my grounds to end the relationship and our living situation.
They apparently didn’t know that if you’re in MY office room in our shared house, you can hear everything from the living room. So, her new boyfriend and I got to hear everything. About her ex husband, about my boyfriend’s friends, about how there’s no fixing this between us unless I bend and break to his whims. Both of us sat stone cold sober while they drunkenly screamed (because they have no other volume) each other’s “secret” feelings about it all to each other, for nearly two hours.
When confronted, she straight up lied to my face, insisting they didn’t talk about the things they did that were relevant to me. And worse, so did my boyfriend, who’s currently taking up 90% of MY bed, passed out drunk, while I’m crying in the living room. Back on the couch where I heard it all.
Just a vent post at 4:11am EST, observing that no matter how much you think you know someone and similarly, no matter how much you’ve done for them, people fucking suck.
Comments
Sorry you experienced that. Unfortunately there’s only one thing you can do at this point. Don’t let them try to gaslight you. Hopefully your next relationship is real. Take care of yourself.
Ugh I’m so sorry you’re going through that. Nothing will make it feel better in this moment, but one thing to keep in mind — you got to hear a lot of things that you might have otherwise wondered about but never known for sure. There is some satisfaction in that (in the future). I’ve made mistakes in situations like this when I was younger when I would regret the way I was aggressive with my boyfriend about it the next day or let my emotions dictate how I responded to something that otherwise was not at all my fault. Do whatever you can to protect your peace tomorrow so you can have some space to decompress. That way you don’t have to apologize for anything or regret anything and you can just address what they talked about once you have had some time to process. Boyfriends’ sisters can be rough and don’t realize how hurtful they can be sometimes. Sending 🤍
I’m sorry, they have shown you who they are. It’s up to you if you’re willing to live your life with dignity and respect. It’s hard but you know it’s time to move on from that toxic relationship 🍀
So your bf is an alcoholic who is still actively drinking? This doesn’t sound like a healthy place to be in a relationship.
It also sounds like his sister is an enabler and part of the problem.
Don’t attach yourself to these people long term. You’re in for a world of pain if you do.
whelp, that sounds insane and like too much drama especially at 30+
What do you plan to do?
I’m so sorry you experienced that. I had friends like that before and it broke something inside me when I learned how they talked about me behind my back. I didn’t deserve that and neither do you. Take care of yourself ♡
People do suck. We’re going through something similar with a few former friends. Backstabbing and gossip. Fuck it’s awful.
I wish people had labels so you know who’s good and who’s an unreliable lowlife before wasting your time getting to know them
He and his family some trashy and high drama and ghetto. Get out of that.
OP, as soon as you shared how your bf’s sister spoke down on you for nearly an hour or more, and in front of company, AND supporting her brother’s friendship with a woman who was eager and looking to cheat…👀
I say this with so much love and empathy for you. But you need to get away from these people as quickly as you can. They do not mean you any good. They have personal issues of their own and it’s clear their values and concerns do not align with yours.
I say this with experience. I married into a family that fully supports their cheating son (my estranged husband). They are short sighted, stubborn, avoidant people and that is exactly where my husband gets his unhealthy, avoidant tendencies from. They ostracized me this past year when it was him who was cheating, being harmful, telling lies, and doing wrong.
Get out while the getting is good. You’re not married or legally attached and you can walk away with your mental health, finances, and dignity intact.
You deserve a clear minded man with good morals, emotional maturity, really great family, and healthy dynamics. Not someone who complains to his sister that he can’t talk to his cheating female friend more regularly. No. You deserve a guy who’s all about prioritizing and tending to his relationship with you, his girlfriend. I hope you get away from him and his family and I hope you don’t look back.
I would have dumped a bucket of cold water on his head and told him to get the fuck out.
You deserve so much better than this. I’m so sorry. At least you know the truth now. Good luck.