I’d love to know from current or former clingy girlfriends how they maintain their hobbies and time away from their partners.
Ladies, how do you maintain your independence and individuality while being in a relationship?
r/AskWomen
I’d love to know from current or former clingy girlfriends how they maintain their hobbies and time away from their partners.
Comments
I have a ton of hobbies. Like way too many. It’s never been a struggle for me.
Wasn’t an issue for me, I simply have other things going on as well, friends, hobbies, schoolwork
I used to be super clingy with my husband. I don’t feel like I was codependent he was just my favorite person who I was most comfortable around. Still is really.
I didn’t see a problem with it until we started living with his mom after his father died. Similar to our relationship his parents lived in their own little bubble for decades and now that he’s gone my MIL has nothing. She has no hobbies, no interests, no friends or outside relationships. My husband said it’s been like that since he was a kid. She never ventured outside the relationship, neither did his dad and now she’s in her late 70s with no one to really talk to and nothing to really distract herself with. Watching her now made me realize how important it is to not get caught up in the relationship bubble. It’s nice but it can’t be our whole life. I just don’t want me and my husband to end up like that. So for the past two years, I’ve been pushing for us to spend more time on solo things.
I’ve joined a book club that I really enjoy that meets once a month. Since January I’ve been trying to meet up with a family member at least once a month as well. I go to the gym solo three times a week. And now I’m trying to find a class to join so I can learn something and connect with people and make more friends.
My husband has also been reaching out to his best friend more so it’s good.
We both have our own independent hobbies, activities, and friends. I also make it clear that although I love being in relationships, I’m fiercely independent and expect there to be no issue with me doing things on my own.
I don’t want this to come off as if I don’t enjoy our time together or that we don’t do things as a couple. We have a healthy social life together.
Here for the comments!
I had a fulfilling life before him (friends, hobbies, interests). I have a fulfilling life now.
making sure i dont rely on my partner financially
I’m single right now, but I have always taken care to reserve time for myself and my friends. That’s something my boyfriends have had to respect if they wanted me as their girlfriend. I wouldn’t let anyone interfere with that.
For me, I had to work on myself while I was single. In a couple past relationships, I lost myself. Didn’t want that happening again, so the last time I was single I worked on my confidence and started making things happen for myself. Planned a solo trip, got back into hobbies, etc. I made it so that a relationship would simply be a bonus to my life I’m already happy with.
I also made sure I was a lot pickier about who I got into a relationship with. When I met the right person, it was easy. I also feel like in past relationships, I settled for people who made me feel clingy for a reason. They weren’t right for me and weren’t as into me as I thought. With my soon to be husband, I don’t feel that anxiety. I feel completely at ease.
dont change your hobbies or stop hanging out with your friends when you get into a relationship.
don’t plan around your bf’s plans/life. Plan around YOUR life. Want to see a movie with friends? plan it and if bf asks to do something the same day? sorry, you have plans but how about X day when you’re free.
be comfortable doing things without your partner.
my friends and my hobbies are very important to me. Yes my husband is a huge part of my life but I had a life before him and I have a life with him but they are not one and the same. I will always make time for my friends and expect him to do the same.
I will not force myself to partake in a hobby if I’m not interested in it just beuacse my husband does it nor do I expect him join me either. We can certainly support each other’s hobbies but that doesn’t mean I have to do it too.
I have my own bank account. And I have friends and hobbies. We both have time for hobbies, friends and for each other. Once a year we both take a mini vacation to see family in different states and then when we get back home we tell each other all about our adventures. we do mini road trips by ourselves. I go out to dinner with my friends and have double dates with friends.
Hm I wouldn’t say I’m as clingy in my relationship now compared to how I was when we first met, or even the past just cause I feel more secure with him now than ever. But I honestly just take advantage of the time that he is at work and do what I wanna do. If he’s at home and available though, I just communicate that I don’t want to talk for a bit or we coexist on the phone while we do our own thing
We don’t live together lol
It’s hard sometimes because we really are best friends and we do almost everything together but time apart with friends is important. Not just time with his family (that’s not really fun time, no matter how much you love your family). We are gamers, he has a gaming group that I sometimes join but usually don’t. I have hobbies that I love that he doesn’t hate, but he isn’t as into them. And that’s great. I know there are nights when he meets friends online or to hang out and now I look forward to the alone time or plan my own outings in those nights. (And vice versa, for the record.) It took time, it wasn’t something that happened in its own. At first, our hobbies were very blended. But I looked at other relationships in our lives and realized that I didn’t want that to happen to us.
Scheduling time for myself/hobbies and friends is the only way I’ve held myself accountable.
You have to life a fulfilling life that you love and be viciously protective over it…man or no man.
Hobbies, friends, volunteering, a fulfilling career. I know quite a few people that work with their partners, do the same activities as their partners, never have a break from their partner. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with my husband, but I think it’s important you have your own separate parts of your lives.
I encourage him to go out when his friends invite him. I reach out to my friends to catch up. I go out for a couple of hours on the weekend and window shop at a nearby plaza. I do art. I write…. I also go to the gym or go for a run outside or a walk.
I enjoy my own company and thoughts is I don’t really need to hang out with a lot of people.
Hobbies that don’t involve him. Running, painting, joining clubs, taking classes, hanging out with friends separately, etc.
Have hobbies and interests that are yours. I had community theater and gym time as my main interests in past relationships. I would bring my bf to cast parties and sometimes we did active things together, but I had plenty of time away from my SO and we made sure to do plenty of things together to connect again.
Boundaries. Having a day or evenings set aside for your alone time. Whether it involves going out by yourself or just doing things you like at home alone.
Sometimes this means a babysitter after work once a week for 4-5hrs if you have kids.
A healthy work life balance involves juggling your work, self, love life, family/friends, and children. It helps to have a day of the week set aside for each. And doing what you can to maintain some consistency. It helps to reduce burnout, irritability, and stress.
I keep my own hobbies that I liked before we even met, alive. I still do art and crafts which he has no interest in for himself. My advice is to set aside time to do something else. If you like reading, try reading for a half hour before bed every night. Slip your hobby into your routine.
This is going to sound weird but, look at it as sex and the city. Those women were having brunch everyday and going out a few times per month. The few times they canceled most didn’t take it well. Don’t interrupt your life for your partner, the same way you don’t interrupt your life for work, friends, hobbies, everything has its own time and place. And you can see the imbalance once it starts affecting other areas of your life. That when you should recalibrate and focus a bit more on what’s lacking attention.
Don’t merge finances. Ever. Been married 40 years and we have yours/mine/ours accounts.
Contribute to the joint accounts proportionally.
Im not clingy at all and have always been independent. I also enjoy my alone time and I need my alone time to recharge my battery. I will be curious about stuff and have to check it out. My partner knows I need that and will give me space. Classes are good- just saying you’re going to work on a project for a few hours and close the door works too.
Maintain your hobbies, friendships, and independence. Don’t change your routines, just create new, additive parts with your partner. You have to love yourself and find peace in your aloneness, so you don’t cling to someone else for emotional regulation.
Make sure we spend time apart then when I am done with my day and he’s done with his we always have something to talk about.
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That’s tough to tell. Mostly because my husband and I are so alike and similar it’s like we’re one soul in two bodies.
We have the same hobbies, interests (with minor differences, and each of us explores those interests of course), he’s integrated into my friendcircle.
Many of our hobbies can be done either together or alone, and while I enjoy both, it’s nice to use it as quality couple time as a bonus effect.
I meet or visit friends whenever I want to, with or without him (he prefers staying at home, and is totally fine with me going out on my own), but most other stuff we prefer to do together.
Not because we have to or I wouldn’t be able to do them in my own, but it’s just more fun together. And he depends a lot on me.
Have your own hobbies and be comfortable doing them alone (or with friends). Don’t stop meeting and planning hangouts with your friends. I would often meet my friends without my partner, sometimes my partner would join us.
I haven’t really had the opportunity tbh. Both the connections I’ve had didn’t really feel like relationships. I’d like to think I would but they need to as well, I can’t date someone with an anxious or avoidant attachment style that will either cling to me or leave when feelings arise. I think someone with a secure attachment style could maintain their independence, I’m not quite there but wanting to learn.