I am an avid gamer and my girlfriend loves… cute stuff? (Pottery, Sewing, dancing) Atlesst that’s what I thought at first.
Recently she told me she wanted to try games because I make them look so much fun after massaging my back while I was playing, so we start playing marvel rivals and I did not expect it but she got used to playing very quickly (She mains hulk and invisible woman). Here’s the problem I learned from this game we are both extremely competitive but she says “You take it to a whole new level, sometimes it looks like you are going to genuinely explode out of your skin and it’s worrying.”
She obviously cares for my health and what not so I want to be better how do you guys be less competitive, it’s really frustrating to lose at anything for me so I thought maybe someone would have some advice.
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>it’s really frustrating to lose at anything for me
Well, work on that, because it’s not a good quality for a lot of people. Maybe play some less competitive games with her too. My husband and I really enjoyed It Takes Two and Split Fiction, and we play Terraria together. All of those are co-op rather than competing against each other.
Not a lad but really, just learn to be a gracious loser. Remind yourself that it’s just a game, you’re not losing anything but ego. And I say this as an avid gamer of 30+ years. She’ll be much more likely to play with you if she’s not worried about your reaction if she beats you.
Try halo series and gears of war series they’re also good co op that you work as a team instead of against each other. But also work on that “hate losing” thing my husband says “I just don’t care anymore” when it comes to losing 😂
mindsets are just a series of habitual thought processes… that is to say, you’ve spent years building up this reactive way of being and it’ll probably take years to undo them. you start day by day… recognise the thoughts happening, stop them when you realise you don’t like where they’re going, encourage them when you do.
this takes a lot of work and dedication, but if it matters to you, putting in the effort will be easy because you’ll be naturally dedicated to achieving your goal.
Yea you just have to learn to be ok with losing to be honest. The game isn’t that serious, and seeing as you have a girlfriend I think its safe to say you’re not the best on the planet or anything. Theres always someone else that can whoop your ass at anything you do, thats the beauty of being a mortal human. So keep that in mind. If there is no money on the line, it doesn’t matter, and you don’t want to look like a child in front of your girlfriend. I’m a competetive person but early on in sports I had to learn to be a good loser. Same with gaming. I’ve had sessions where i’m topping the leaderboard and some where I’m getting straight chewed out by my team. Just have to deal with it.
For a long time I was a rather sore loser. I have found that focusing on the narrative elements of a game can help me have fun even when I’m losing. Games – even competitive ones – are inherently a narrative medium. Most of the time, regardless of the mechanical outcome, a well designed game will produce an interesting story in each playthrough. Finding the fun in that story can take the edge off of competitive underperformance.
She just has the noob mentality, you need to lock her in with only Doritos and lime flavoured cola, till she gets gud.
When you realize a woman isn’t going to be able to truly compete with you, your ego will stop caring. Instead, you will let her win and make her feel good about herself because she is a woman. Your woman. Stop being a shidiot with the ego. Let it go.
You can’t be serious. Are you really crashing out because she is better than you at a game? Like bro I would be ecstatic if I had a girlfriend who liked games. Its very rude for you to get angry and “crash out” Just because she is better than you. Be fr. You have to be okay with losing. Plus thats adorable, But if you are used to blowing up it makes sense. Just try to calm down and think that you guys are just having fun. (Unless you’re playing ranked XD.)
make a smurf account for rivals? if you’re worried about losing your ranking or something it could help take the pressure off.
but that’s more of a band-aid. someone else put their finger on it: work on being okay with losing. there’s more to life than getting “another epic victory.”
These days I think you could get a lot of good advice from talking about anger management with ChatGPT or another AI.
The issue isn’t gaming. The issue is your mental health. Look up coping skills for emotional regulation/distress tolerance. Start there and practice them any time you feel yourself getting escalated gaming or not. Learn how to reframe your thoughts about losing. Whatever works e.g. losing as an opportunity to improve, it’s just a game, remembering that it’s quality time with gf, not a high stakes championship, etc. As someone said, these are habitual thought patterns you have developed. The more you walk the path, the more prominent it becomes, but you can always create new pathways. It’s going to take work and time.
For me I just had to cut games a lot. I’m the same way and I get lost in the game and frustrated when interrupted. It took a bit of time off to realize that it’s just a game and if I’m getting upset or to angry it’s not healthy for the relationship. I’m a lot better now and it’s easier to walk away from if I’m getting too excited. I love my wife more than my need for games and being a jerk because of a video game loss or interruption is not healthy for the relationship. Don’t get me wrong I still game and get invested but it’s no good to let that carry over outside the game.
So the issue in fact isn’t gaming, it’s that you get mad at losing games. I suggest you work on that, losing is a part of gaming so you have to be able to handle it. Maybe play through dark souls or Elden Ring and see if that gets you used to dying and losing in video games. I’m unfazed by losing in video games cause I know nothing will hurt more than my dumb ass falling off a cliff twice and losing 140k runes right after beating fire giant after over 30 tries.
You two should play games where you work as a team. It Takes Two, Biped, and Split Fiction are games you would likely enjoy together
You have to practice taking losses.
I used to have big issues with losing. I Still get frustrated occasionally but I had to stop making excuses when I lost and just be happy I had someone to play with in the first place.
Next time you lose, honestly assess your performance and don’t make excuses for yourself. It’s not worth losing a girlfriend over.
She might not be a competitive or at least someone who would take comp games seriously as others, which is okay too. Maybe you should introduce her to other games.
Some competition is healthy. Being overly competitive is usually from the ego. I crushed my ego years ago by reading the essential Marcus Aurelius. He was the emperor of Rome, it’s his diary of wisdom. If you want to learn to command your life or the office like an emperor, win battles and be unbothered I highly recommend stoic philosophy. Of all the stoics I love this version by penguin books “the essential Marcus Aurelius” it cuts out the boring parts of the larger diary. It’s all the best parts and fits easily in a bag. I bought two copies and kept one on my glovebox the other on my nightstand. There is an audible version too! I’d read a small section everyday and it takes insane amounts of pressure for me to lose my cool now. Which annoys my opponents while gaming….a delightful side effect of mastering my emotions.. I’m still playful and light hearted…I only applied the philosophy to anger, competitive issues and stupid drivers LoL 🤣
Just work on that man. Take it from experience, you can still be highly competitive without crashing out over it. I still definitely get frustrated but have gotten better about remembering it’s just a game or just switching games if I’m really not feelin it.
Maybe try moving to a game where y’all have to work together rather than be pitted against each other
Play something else.
Imagine losing your partner because you are so competitive that you’re borderline mentally ill. Seriously. Consider that. Is that what you want to happen?
First about this stuff in general, you have to take a step back. A light competitiveness is healthy. intense competitiveness to the point that it prevents you from having healthy social connections is not.
Your girlfriend isn’t your competitor, she is your teammate. And you have to deeply internalize that video games are worthless. I don’t mean they aren’t fun, but in the sense that their only value IS their fun. Winning in a video game (for normal people) has no value. If you are giving up the fun (which is valuable) to try to achieve the ‘win’ then you’re doing it wrong. If your video games are making you miserable and ruining your time with your girl, you have to either change your attitude or quit the gaming until you can have a healthier relationship with the entertainment. If you internalize that it is a toy you may be able to get past this.
My boyfriend was the same way, and it pissed me off even more that I couldn’t play games without him rage quitting. It’s ugly and you need to get it under control
Well it sounds like games like Marvel Rivals that have more stakes might be a bad idea until you get more comfortable. Competitiveness can be fun but when its too a point where youre being toxic and taking it way too seriously its time to take a step back.
Try more casual games like minecraft or co-op games like it takes two. In the mean time work on yourself a bit with the competitive stuff
**** Dude I’ve got you. My wife doesn’t game but she LOVES ‘Finch’
Why would you be less competitive maybe understand its a game and doesn’t exactly matter but the reason why these games are so successful as people love competition and with the lack of physical activities your brain gets that dopamine supply from gaming.
I dunno, turn your rage into funny explosive comments. Some of the shit that comes out of my mouth when heated makes my girl laugh hysterically.
play pve games if you can’t control your mannerism.