a lot of people piss and moan about death of the third place (think parks, malls, bars, libraries, etc) and i totally agree. it’s a shame that a night out on the town is easily a $60 affair, or that malls are slowly but surely rotting away due to they’re decline. it’s unfortunate that the old sense of local community doesn’t really exist in the capacity it used to in most places.
however, i notice this a lot online and def amongst my peer group (im 18, almost 19) that a lot of people either refuse to engage with their community and third places, or straight up encourage lame ass anti social behavior. it’s hard to take people seriously when they’re complaining about third spaces but all they do is bedrot online.
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Do you think that’s connected tho? Like if it’s not your norm you’re less likely to be regularly engaging in the few things you have
Sorry, what exactly is “the third place “ to you?
I’d be over the moon if I had a night on the town and only managed to spend $60
Agreed. If you want third spaces, you have to engage in them!
$60 for a whole night? I want to go out where you live. $60 doesn’t cover the first bottle of wine.
There’s been a resurgence of individualism and selfishness disguised as self-care that has left a lot of people craving community while not actually understanding what that means. Advice is focused on putting yourself first and the idea that you owe anyone anything. Which also means they owe you nothing.
But friends owe you their time and attention. Family owes you their time and support. And you owe them. Otherwise you aren’t their friends and family.
Are these the same groups of people?
Lots of people I know who lament 3rd places are the people who are engaging in small talk in public and getting shot down.
Libraries are dying?
Introverts have always existed and so have extroverts. There is definitely enough extroverts to have third spaces, this country just no longer gives a shit about anyone that is a corporation.
Yessir. Third spaces work perfectly fine for me because I talk to people.
Too many people want to have things immediately without any planning or exploring. It’s a part of the culture where you can order Amazon Prime and get anything next day, go on one of 10 streaming platforms and find exactly what you want to watch or listen to.
It was different when you had to go to the video rental place and browse the movies, or go to a record store and pick something out before taking it home. I’m not even that young and had internet pretty much my whole childhood, but when are you going to see people go out to just go hang out where there were things to do?
Well, parks and libraries don’t cost money and they are quite fun to go to on a budget
Its the phones
Depends on the people. If those are the same people, then yeah I hear you. If not (like in my case), then it isn’t hypocritical at all. I want third spaces for my wife and I to just go exist at when bored, or to hang out with friends.
I honestly think it has a lot to do with the pandemic we all went through, because i’ve noticed an uptick in people being anti social whereas before 2020 it was generally easier just to talk to people, let alone make friends and go out.. being forced to stay home and limit your social interactions to over the phone messages and calls, it’s definitely going to impact how we socialize. it’s going to be harder for kids your age to overcome that because it happened during your teen years, when you should’ve been out socializing and being active! that coupled with taking away music and art classes, and redirecting focus from being creative and expressing yourself to STEM, more business focused.. it all adds up :/
What third spaces do people feel have disappeared?
Id argue its not just your age group but easily xennials on down to you
NOT unpopular
I want third spaces for other people and kids, not me. Im staying my ass home, but other people should have more free places to have fun.
What happened to going over to each others homes?
Yeah I agree. There’s gotta be balance. I LOVE going to all those places. I almost started to encourage antisocial behavior because of a long string of really bad luck with my kids constantly getting sick and then me constantly being sick. And yeah, that’s par for the course for parenthood, but this year was insanely bad for respiratory illnesses where I live and then on top of that all the gastro stuff was going around. After a while I started looking at people as disgusting animals just sharing microorganisms in everything we touch or breathe on. I was so tired of dealing with sick kids any time we went anywhere or did anything, and when mine were healthy then their cousins were sick or their friends or whatever, and the cycle starts all over again.
Edited for grammar
I’m reminded of this when I see discussions online about something like: “Should your friends need to drive you to the airport?” or “Should your friends be obligated to help you move?”
The answer to both of those questions is no, you’re not OBLIGATED to help out a friend. But it’s what being a good friend should be about. If you have the time to help out a friend over the weekend, why not do it?
Sure, it’s a bit of an inconvenience. However, if you were in their position—you’d want a helping hand. You can’t want community without being willing to contribute to that community.
If you‘re almost 19, you should know the difference between there, their, and they‘re.
I think there is causation. Removing third places causes antisocial behavior.
Taking individual responsibility for making yourself happy is always smart, but socializing requires unreasonable effort in a thire-place-less society.
Were all working 50-60+ hrs a week, due in part to anti-social car commutes alone bc we dismantled public transport, from an antisocial neighborhoods where we are alone, bc we incentivized suburban sprawl.
Much automatic socializing (bumping into folks as you live your life) has been eliminated.
Feels like it can be a downward spiral. Less engagement with shared spaces means less social skills learned that you need there. Leading to even less participation and positive experiences in such spaces .
So maybe it’s too simple just to blame the people with bad social skills, and a more nuanced view would be more helpful
The same people who complain that there is no where to go or anything to do always have an excuse for why they can’t. Those people, unsurprisingly, spend a lot of time online. Regular people are out in the real world living. Ya’ll gotta get out more.
“But my anxiety” only goes so far. You only get to do this once. Go out and live. “Third spaces” are still a thing, you’re just addicted to social media lol.
I think it depends on the state ,Utah has a lot of third places for a small state and how suburban it is
I’ve been going to way more open mics, and events around town. It feels so freaking good to be around people and to see how much life is in the world. When I started going after the pandemic, it was disheartening to see how sparse and empty some of these things could be, but the world outside has been filling up more and more as the years go on.
I think third spaces, small local events, are having a resurgence. And honestly, with the rise of AI, I think it’s actually going to push people to get out of their house more. If entertainment is totally curated for you, it will get boring faster and also fill you up more with the things that make you feel alive, hopefully pushing you to go out and do more.
That’s what’s happened to me at least, my algorithm kept showing me things like stand up and I just kept feeling like, why the fuck am I not doing that? Books too, I like books. Why not just go to book stores for a bit and get out of the house? Don’t even need to buy stuff..
This is also a good time to remember that there are 8 billion people in the world, and Reddit only (that is such a silly word to use for these numbers but w/v) had 108 million active users at the start of this year. What you see online is such a tiny, miniscule look at the world. SO ARE THE EVENTS AND LOCATIONS NEAR YOU. They only need a few hundred people to stay afloat. If you go to these places, your patronage will matter way more than your eyes on content….
God damn I love leaving the house and not being online.
I work for a park that offered a free program that taught adults how to kayak. We stopped it due to lack of interest. The programs we do still offer, like group hikes or nature walks usually only get a small turn out. I’ve heard similar things from friends who work for museums and libraries. They offer a lot of free or affordable events, people just don’t show up.
So I agree. I never hear anyone with a full, active social life complain about the death of third spaces. The laments always seem to come from those who aren’t making an effort.
“I want to have social spaces. I dont want to create social spaces.”
– Signed the Millennials
Everyone should have access to third spaces, I’m just an introvert who doesn’t personally want to go to these places much, if at all. Just because it isn’t for me doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s a good thing to have.
I’d love to want to go out more, but I simply don’t enjoy it. I can still be that way and advocate for good things for other people.
When I was a teen, I just went to the local skate park to meet people. It was a crappy, small corner of an abandoned parking lot with some ramps and a half pipe, and most days, nobody was even there. But it was still nice to have that in a town with nothing to do and a lot of ground to cover. I made some friends and such. Idk about adulthood tho. All I really do nowadays to “go out” for free is just going to the river with friends or family
Just standard blame and passing the buck. It’s someone else’s fault and I’ll be damned if I’ll do anything to fix it!
You have to be in an actual city rather than the suburbs. That’s where people actually use parks and libraries. Also these areas are often going to be filled with families rather than younger adults.
Most third places need revenue to stay open. Third places didn’t kill themselves off, people quit showing up. The neighborhood I live in used to have a bowling alley, a pool hall, mini golf/batting cage, and a family arcade. All of them empty in the last years of operation. We had a mall too. It closed and reopened catering to the Latino immigrant population. It’s thriving now that it’s not for Americans.
Online is free. Third places cost too much.
Where are the third spaces to engage in? If they exist at all, they tend to be inaccessible to anyone without a car and are poorly maintained. You can’t engage in a third space if you can’t get to the third space in the first place.
Do you witness both of these incompatible behaviors in individual people, or are you witnessing one group lamenting the death of the third space, witnessing another group engaging in antisocial behavior, and assuming that all of those people do both of those things?
I used to care about 3rd spaces, then the same toxicity that pervades online started. Leave the chronically online behaviours online!
Yeah like people need to just ask themselves what do they wanna be doing on a Saturday night that’s social? Then go do it.
If the answer is sitting at home doomscrolling then no one can help you. That’s just anti-social behavior. That’s not the third place, that’s you.
Libraries and malls are definitely dying, but parks and bars are thriving just as good as ever lol but I do agree with you for the most part
Goomba Fallacy
A lot of young people at my job have this anemoia about the era I grew up in and I’m just like “you know you can have that too?! Like. Go to the mall!”
Since when is “encouraging anti-social behaviour is not okay” an unpopular opinion?
Can you give examples of what kind of behaviour is encouraged that you consider anti-social?
I think they want to go to third places, but not to make friends, just with their already existing friends and friend groups
Are these people the same people? I ask this because a lot of the time, the people complaining aren’t the same people who are encouraging anti-social behavior.
It’s like those post made by companies that are like “we got rid of this becsuse you complained why are you complaining that it’s gone?” When those two groups aren’t made of the same people.
Yes, you are 1000% correct, the issue is not third places but its people being lazy to connect with other ppl and build a community.
Every person I have asked to go out and do something with me for at least the last 10 years has said they can’t or they are too tired or too busy or some other bullshit.
I try to enhoy third-spaces solo but it just makes it even lonelier.
Agreed. A lot of people on reddit complain about that but then also abuse amazon and door dash like crazy because “outside bad.”
Its a bad feedback loop. As there are less spaces less people go and as less people go there are less spaces
You’re 100% correct.
We need third places that are free. Everything costs
Agreed!
There’s two points here people don’t seem to get.
I moved to my neighborhood two years ago. Nobody talked to each other or even walked the neighborhood. I slowly made friends with some neighbors, despite resistance and sometimes open hostility. Just last month I got with the local township and threw a block party. I asked neighbors for help based on what I’ve seen them do (someone good at grilling, someone I’ve seen playing guitar, another neighbor helped me build the stage). It was a huge success and now me neighborhood is buzzing with excitement and socialization. YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
We’ve let ourselves become these isolationist people that don’t think they should ever be bothered or inconvenienced in the name of “self care” and it’s killing us.
Being 18 tends to be challenging. You’re young around people with incoherent views. Work on your own coherence and find others doing the same.
Just remember that you never owe anyone anything ever and you’ll be good! /s
I’m asocial and don’t care about community or third spaces, but I still want them to be a thing for people who DO want and need that. It’s a shame that it’s faded away so much
I’ve found that, besides bars, most 3rd spaces that aren’t bars are barren of people under the age of 30.
I don’t think it’s hypocritical to want to go to a third space and spend time alone or with the people you came with. Just because I like a busy park or library doesn’t mean I want to have a discussion with everyone there, and it doesn’t invite people to make conversation just because I’m in public.
I don’t necessarily think that’s anti-social behavior, and it doesn’t mean I would be impolite to people. It’s okay to want to do your own thing in a shared space. Parallel play is important.
This seems like a Goomba fallacy moment
Sounds like you went to the library and tried to get a girl to take off her headphones, but she just grimaced until you gave up.
Where I’m from everything is too expensive and free place dont exist here
“Guys, third spaces are dead” – Someone who hasn’t tried to find a third space that isn’t a highschool cafeteria
Oh yes, we should go on vacation all together and live in the same house and do everything together all day every daytime so we can really connect.
then they hide in their phone while waiting for a table at the restaurant because “they do not want to waste time”.
Was the “third place” ever really a thing? I always assumed it was a relic of sitcoms because it’s more cost effective to have your cast film at the same set over and over again rather than construct new ones for each episode, thus the existence of Central Perk and MacLaren’s Pub, etc.
Did real human beings ever go to the same bar, restaurant, or coffee shop over and over again?
How many people complain about a lack of third spaces and yet complain about having to make small talk I the elevator, or talk to a cashier?
One things I enjoy about my main hobby (trading card games) is that the local card shop is my hang out spot. I can go in and spend 6$ to play in a tournament and hang with friends for a few hours. Or I can spend 100$+ on a new box of the latest set. And I don’t have to get fucked up. I am grateful they still exist, but there are definitely less than there use to be.
I don’t really get all the talk about “third place,” but if you mean the people who are always online, that’s not anti-social unless they’re harrassing people.
Its very likely that those people aren’t the same as eachother, for the most part
Gen Z is being praised for not drinking alcohol. But it’s actually not for any health reasons. It’s because they don’t fucking go outside and party (I’m Gen Z)
I’ve always said this. And its the same sentiment when going to shows now too, you are literally in a 3rd space with people who like the same thing as you, and everyone is so hostile or suck the fun out of the event and the complain about the show.
Everyone wants someone’s time, but are never willing to give anyone else’s theirs.
Society is evolving just as it has in the past and just how it’ll keep evolving in the future. Malls need to adapt in order to survive
Yup. I work in a library and I have people in my community constantly lamenting that they have no free community space like… you do. You absolutely do.
Another thing about a third place is that it isn’t a curated group of people. If you become a regular somewhere or join a community org, you end up being friendly with a bunch of weirdos who you may never actually want to be friends with. A lot of people want a third place until they realize it means they may need to interact with people that aren’t always their cup of tea.
You only hear about the death of third places because it’s people in larger cities complaining about it. That’s my unpopular opinion. I live in a college town with 40,000 people and we have plenty of third places here.
As lot of the “third place” discussion is just about aesthetics. Malls, coffee shops, and movie theaters still exist, but they aren’t widely accepted as “cool” places to hang out. If you have fun friends these literally have not changed. What they’re imagining is all the interaction that could be happening if they weren’t anti social
The internet is now the 3rd place. We meet here, we love here, and someday, we die here.