I saw a defendant pulled in for a show cause for violating probation. His drug test had showed positive for cocaine.
He stood up and shouted that it was a false positive because he “drank three 2-liters of Coke that day.” His lawyer grabbed him to sit down with one hand while facepalming with the other.
Friend who is a criminal defense attorney was called at 3-something AM by the presiding judge.
“The sheriff is on his way to arrest your client, who is having his bond revoked. I am calling you at 3 AM about that because he is having his bond revoked for posting a real name social media threat directed at me and my family.”
Client sued for injuries from a car accident. He had about 3 or 4 other accidents within the 3 years prior. One of them was a big rollover accident. He had medical treatment for all of them but he only disclosed the accidents that were not the rollover. Also, insurance company saw on his instagram that he went skiing even though he was complaining about pain in his low back that was so bad he couldn’t walk. We should never have taken the case, I don’t know why the office signed him up.
Not a lawyer but both defendants husband and wife showed up way late 15 and 30 minutes late.
Wife had big mouth and talked her way into judge stating she was ‘utter essence of contempt’.
Also anyone who abuses the kindness of a judge. If a judge gives you a chance to get rid of your case pre disposition take it. Because you wont get many of those and those are way less serious than a criminal conviction
Obligatory not a lawyer, but this thread reminds me of the US sovereign citizen who argued that he had a first amendment right to free speech in a Saskatchewan provincial court.
The federal judge asked all the attorneys on a civil case into chambers. He stared point blank at defense counsel and said: “The jury hates you, really really hates you.”
Not a lawyer, but a business acquaintance was being sued over a slip and fall that apparently left this guy permanently disabled and unable to walk. His scumbag (by reputation) lawyer turned down settlements and was apparently a nightmare in court ordered mediation.
The whole thing fell apart when my acquaintance’s lawyer won a hearing over the plaintiff’s motion to exclude video evidence from a private investigator. Guess who was recorded multiple times walking (and once running in the rain) into his lawyer’s office?
Apparently the Judge ruled in a morning hearing and the case was dismissed with prejudice before close of business that same day.
Had a client tell me she couldn’t be charged with drunk driving because her boyfriend was steering from the passenger seat and she was just working the pedals. Passed that consult on to someone else with no shame.
My mom’s client lost his case cause he kept posting his workout videos and pics to Facebook after his car accident. He just would not stop and I think was addicted. Apparently showing off his physique was more important than his case. My mom had to tell another client not to post vacation pics of her on a dune buggy in Dubai after her accident and she was majorly pissed off for it. Baffling really.
Attorney filed a motion, asking to excuse clients’s previous default due to the conduct of client’s previous council. Unfortunately, the movant was also client’s previous council.
Have one tomorrow. Divorce case. Other side made an offer that is leaps and bounds better than any order the judge would give. I sent that offer back with edits and they responded with an absolutely insane offer that gives him everything plus more.
He still wants a trial. He’s getting one. He’s going to do far worse on time split, asset split, child support, and alimony.
NAL, but I felt the need to share my own singular sovcit experience. Canadian by the way.
In traffic court, waiting for my turn. Guy is called. Stands up, and is dressed and looks repsectable. Business suit, clean, hair combed, suitcase. Would have guessed he was a lawyer, if he was sitting ahead of the bar.
He stands up, and says out loud, “Well, I have a driver’s liscence with that name on it, but as its in capitals you can see that’s the name of a corporation, your honour.”
The justice on the bench did his best to be reasonable with this guy. But the guy immeadiatly starts a speech about how the system is corrupt and there needs to be changes.
He would go on about that several times in the next while.
This first time, the justice says, “That’s not what we are here to discuss today. We’re here for a speeding ticket. And if defendant’s name doesn’t present himself in front of this bar, I’m ruling a conviction in absense.”
So the defendant hustles in front of the bar (officially presenting himself for the case, behind the bar is gallery only) and proceeds to start an indignant series of acid born arguements that were so bizzare as to verge on schitzophrenia.
Highlights were:
Trying to invoke papal law. To which the justice responds, “Papal law? This isn’t rome, that doesn’t apply here.”
Defendant tries to quote admiralty law, which perplexes the justice as, “Where do you get admiralty law? This is Alberta, this is the most landlocked province in the country. Where do you get admiralty law?”
The defendant replies, straight faced and serious, “Well there used to be a fountain in the basement, sir.”
Mind you, defendant hasn’t even made his initial plea yet. Multiple times the justice tries to steer him back on track, and the guy keeps responding, “Well, I did it, but that’s not the point.”
So well after a balif has been called to keep an eye on this thing, and I, witnessing this, have finally realized I wasn’t dreaming, the justice on the bench finally says, “Ok. Fine, you’ve said you’ve done it multiple times before, and I’ll accept that as a guilty plea.” Hands out fine and thirty days to pay, next case.
I worked for a trial graphics firm and was working on a case where a forklift driver was driving maniaclly and ran into a cinderblock wall of a new construction. It caused enough damage that a gentleman on a ladder on the 2nd level of the structure fell and fractured some vertabrae.
The forklift driver was reprimanded the day prior driving the forklift in an unsafe manner. In his deposition, he bragged about how many speeding tickets and traffic violations he racked up in his corvette.
It was fun watching the deposition back with the plaintiffs attorney.
This is rather boring compared to other stories. It was a child custody case in a county I don’t normally practice in. Mom, my client, wouldn’t agree to a rather good settlement agreement and wanted her way 100%. She wanted a judge to decide rather than the parties settling where they both walk away winning and losing in a sense. The hearing starts, and the judge enters. We all rise like you typically do and the judge unleashes a tirade telling us to sit down, it’s obvious we’re from the big city all dressed up, but it’s his courtroom and he’s in charge. Then the judge mentioned his military service, and I knew that minute we weren’t going to win this case. The dad was formal military. I pissed the judge off by not taking the time to know how he operates his courtroom before appearing in it. Judge ordered a dad favorable opinion. Mom was mad. I learned two valuable lessons. The first is that settlement is preferred because you at least have some control over the outcome. And the second is get to know the court you are in.
Edit: Most civil court cases are legally nearly 50/50. Both parties have legal standing to present their version of events and proposed remedies based on legally sound arguments. There’s only a cunt hair of legal difference between the two sides. Having a professional relationship with the judge (and county bar association) can be the difference between winning and losing a case. If there’s not much to go on. The judge is going to side with the one person they know because it becomes about character and trusting a lawyer’s candor at that point. It’s just a reality.
My sister is a lawyer and her client ran a stop sign and t-boned another vehicle. She told my sister that she just knew “in her heart of hearts” that the other vehicle would stop instead. Was actually shocked that it didn’t.
Not a lawyer but was in court to testify. Defendant in another case is pleading guilty. The judge requires him to allocute and he gives a detailed description of his crime. He finishes, the judge looks at some paperwork and says “Sir, that’s not what you’re charged with.”
Defendent was drunk 80 year old hitting on the 18-19 year old jurors during recess while his lawyer frantically told him to stop and bodily blocked him from groping them in the elevator after he’d cornered one.
I was the defendant, not the lawyer. But I’ll make this quick. If you’re going to try to sue for in excess of $100,000 for life changing injuries over a tiny no-damage “fender no-bender” maybe don’t leave your social media public. And if you do, maybe don’t upload pictures and video of yourself rock climbing, hiking, and going to “extreme trampoline parks.”
And for the record, they got nothing. They should have settled with the insurer… they’d have gotten $10k to go away.
I’ve had quite a few doing Social Security Disability. Typically speaking it’s people who have gone back to work and didn’t tell me, or that all of the sudden remember they actually volunteer 40 hours a week once they’re under oath.
But the most memorable one was the guy who was being questioned by the judge about his marijuana usage (which was noted in his records), and after being asked if he used any other drugs starts listing off meth, heroin, coke, etc. (pretty much you name it, he’d done it) and then informed us all that he had last used about a month prior.
That was a denial I didn’t appeal, and a real interesting call with his mom when she called me super pissed about him getting denied and me recommending not to appeal it. The judge had actually done him a solid and completely left out all of the hardcore drug use in the decision so it wouldn’t be an issue for him in the future if he got clean and tried again, but that made his mom think that the judge had clearly denied him based on bullshit as he had only mentioned the alcohol and weed.
Jury trial. Client on the stand. We’d gone over this evidence dozens of times before. The date of the service of a document was dispositive for the entire case:
Q: What is the office policy regarding issuing this letter to over-due accounts?
A: We do it on the 5th of every month.
(I already was ready to face-palm here, because the document is dated the 3rd.)
Q: Exhibit A is dated the 3rd, why is that?
(hoping she would say “the 5th was a Sunday, so we wanted to get it out early.” Instead she said…)
A: I don’t know. It shouldn’t be. If the 5th is a Sunday, we are supposed to serve it on the 6th.
(Double face palm)
Q: But if you dated it the third and signed the proof of service for the third, that would mean you served it on the third, right?
(Objection, leading. Sustained. Absolutely the correct call by OC and judge)
Q: When did you serve the document?
A: I have no idea.
I’m not an attorney; but I work for the state equivalent of the IRS. My job is to resolve tax disputes before trial, and if they go to trial, I am the State’s primary witness.
This means I’m subject to cross examination by the other side (typically the taxpayer).
I was dealing with a difficult [agitated/aggressive] taxpayer for an extended period of time. This is common before trial – we try not to go to trial, so there was prolonged period of me trying to explain why we did what we did. I had some brutal trial prep with our attorneys to get me read for anticipated cross examination.
To reiterate, I work for the state equivalent of the IRS, the IRS being a federal agency. I gave my testimony. Then the taxpayer was allowed to cross examine me.
He asked me “why the IRS disallowed his refund.”
I explained [for about the fifth time] I do not work for the IRS, and I do not know why the IRS did what they did. He would need to ask the IRS.
I was tempted to comment that if the IRS also disallowed his refund, it would appear the state-side adjustment was also correct, since we follow federal law. I decided against it.
Next he said, “No further questions.”
Going to trial is expensive. Both sides had to split the costs for the court stenographer ($1,400, so $700 each).
During the lead-up to the trial, I told him multiple times we are not the IRS.
Dude literally paid $700 to ask me under oath if I worked for the IRS; because apparently my telling him multiple times that I do not (and all of our correspondences being on my State’s letterhead) was not good enough for him. I think he may have had some brutal follow-up questions for the IRS, and he was completely blindsided by this revelation? IDK. The amount at issue was about $3,000; so $700 was a hefty amount for the taxpayer.
Of course he lost. We knew we were probably going to win before trial, but when he declined to even ask me any questions which could advance his case, it was clearly over.
Not my case but happened while I was waiting for my case to be called. Guy was upset the plaintiff was issuing a citation to discover assets against his wife and said “in my culture women can’t own anything” Judge was not amused…
I am currently in litigation. The fact that the defendant has changed lawyers 4 times over the last 2 years with two of them entering a Motion to Withdrawal tells me everything I need to know.
Child visitation case. Mother argues for less visitation because father is always late (also in bringing the child to school) and generally unreliable. Father is a whooping 38 minutes late to the hearing.
Okay it wasn’t my client, but I was prosecuting a case, DWI 3rd offense, reckless driving, neg use of a firearm (not relevant but the law on that one needs to change. If you’re drunk and a cop found you with it in the car, that’s enough to convict, 99% of the time though our office would dismiss that charge for a DWI plea) and assault on a police officer.
In our jurisdiction DWI 3rd is a felony, so preliminary hearing required. Those are usually waived since it’s pretty clear if PC existed in DWIs, but the defendant is pro se and refused to waive. So I finish my questioning of the officer. Defendant requests cross. First question: “Isn’t it true you only added the assault charge because when I hit you you started crying like a bitch?” Fucking stunned the entire courtroom. Judge told him to watch the language and recommended that he be represented by an attorney since the question was also an admission.
Pretty sure he just wanted to do it for the spectacle. He said no further questions, judge ruled PC existed to continue. He came over to me talking about pleas and we wrapped that up before the end of the day.
Friend of mines does defence against injury claims for companies, currently working on where the guy tried to kick a moving train. Lost his leg and currently suing the train company for damages.
My squad was searching a stash house on a warrant. This is part of a takedown of a violent organization and there were a bunch of houses being searched at the same time. The house I was in was a known stash for guns and drugs and during our investigation, we bought multiple guns which came out of this house.
I was searching the kitchen in full kit when someone opened the back door and popped their head in. I turned around, he looked at me, I looked at him, then he backed out and slammed the door shut. I ran to the door, opened it, and he was standing right there with his hands up.
I sat him down on the patio steps and started to get his information while my SGT ran him through NCIC. The guy was cooperative but wide eyed and nervous AF. As I stood there and began to look at his waistline, I could see a clear outline of a gun in his jacket pocket. My BWC footage showed what was almost textbook “printing” of the gun while I stood in front of him.
He didn’t fight; he just accepted getting cuffed and arrested. Possession of a handgun by a prohibited person.
He went to booking and after getting into the jail, he made a phone call. Keep in mind that the phone system very clearly says all conversations are monitored and recorded. During this phone call, he told the other party that he had a satchel with $700 cash and coke that he tossed over the fence before I came out the back door.
A couple detectives went over there and found the bag. There was a big snowfall that morning, there were no footsteps anywhere near the bag, the bag did not have any snow on top of it. Inside the bag was $700 cash, cocaine, and the guy’s drivers license.
Dude filed a motion to suppress. His position was that I had no right to detain him. He lost that motion pretty badly and plead out. Our State’s Attorney cited something like 7 clearly established cases which showed that this position was comically wrong at best.
At the end of the hearing, the Judge told the guy he was going to put him in an employment education program because he needed to find a new job because he was so terrible at being a drug dealer.
A man approached the court for a reduction in his child maintenance payments to my client while driving a brand new BMW SUV. He said because I was a junior at the time, he’d handle the case himself and he’d “squash” me. After his poor attempt at compiling his disclosure of his financials, he was investigated and it was found that he was laundering money through a fake online church. He’s now being criminally prosecuted.
About halfway through a frivolous order of protection hearing against my client seeking visitation with his son, after the woman admitted she wasn’t in danger and a friend told her filing an order of protection would keep him from getting visitation…as the judge was reaming her out she blurted out, I want a lawyer!
I’m not a lawyer, but my mother-in-law’s divorce attorney would have a great answer to this. My father-in-law started to suffer from early onset dementia, which triggered a series of events resulting in my mother-in-law (not wrongly) filing for divorce.
Throughout the 3 years of divorce proceedings, my father-in-law’s condition became very obvious, to the point he was showing up to court in garbage bags (when his lawyer was able to get him there). By the end of the divorce he was living in a memory care facility (which was about as close to hell on earth as you’d imagine) and his sister had power of attorney. When everything was settled, their estate was split 50/50.
Yet my mother-in-law insisted he was faking it and that he had hidden millions on offshore accounts. So she sued. She couldn’t prove he ever had millions of dollars on the first place. She insisted he was faking it despite several doctors and attesting to his condition. So pretty much all of the proceedings were “she’s not winning”. But she insisted.
When their divorce proceedings were finalized she had over $750k. By the time her failed attempt to sue ended, she was down to $125k.
Bus driver, claims to have invented a way to make bus engines more efficient. Told about it to everybody and their dogs, even wrote about it. Then, later, proceeds to sue his employer for not patenting his groundbreaking idea.
I have no idea if his invention worked or not. According to experts, it didn’t really. But the guy blew any claims for novelty before even disclosing the invention to his employer.
Happened to a friend of mine a few years back in Canada versus Telus.
Telus offered a promotion on his contract and he always would call in and say he just wants his original contract price, which was 15$ cheaper than what it was worth now. So every year, he would call in and ask if he can extend his contract by another year.
Well, last year, as that price was practically non existent, they immediately bumped his price up when he phoned in, stating that he was on a glitched account and his original contract was noot, because they didn’t sign a contract every time they extended it. So they charged him over 8000$ for the plan.
But what Telus didn’t do, or this rep and this whole department didn’t do, is that they should have asked to see the contract he had first, and seen that they did do that, and he has emails, phone calls, dates and letters and pictures, to prove that they did.
So he takes Telus to court, hires a fancy lawyer, and seeks I think the maximum in B.C Small Claims is $40,000, so $40,000 in mental anguish, breach of contract and pressure tactics, and wins.
The lawyer warned Telus, and said “Hey, I put a lot of evidence into discovery for you guys to comb over, are you guys sure you want to pursue this? It’s a pretty strong case, I highly advise to look at this!” Telus said no need, we have our proof.
Their proof? Original contract that has an end date, and their defense looked super smug and happy. My buddies proof? All the amended contract emails, agent names, dates, phone call transcripts they got from Telus, everything.
Judge ruled in my buddies favor, and even made the comment “He gave you a chance”
Not a lawyer, but this one always make me chuckle. A friend of mine rear-ended another vehicle. They exchanged info, there didn’t seem to be any damage or injury, and they went on their way. TWO YEARS LATER, my friend receives word that she’s being sued for injuries from the accident. The other party had a sprained wrist and was suing for $25,000 for pain, suffering, loss of wages, etc. So, my friend calls her insurance company and they say they’ll take care of it.
Long story shorter, insurance company offers her $5,000 for her to go away. She insists her injuries deserve better compensation. They offer her $7500. She still refuses. They offer her $12,500. She laughs and says “See you in court.” And, they did about a year later, case went before a jury. She “won” and was awarded $2300, one third of which had to go to the lawyer she’d hired.
So, instead of taking $12500 of which she would have gotten 100%, she “went to trial” and ended up getting 66% of $2300 (so about $1500) and had to wait a whole other year to get it.
I’m not a lawyer, but I’ve seen several clips of the trial of Darrell Brooks. He drove his car through the Waukesha Christmas Parade in 2021, killing six and injuring over 60.
Throughout the entire trial (in which he represented himself), he did nothing but dig his own grave while irritating everyone else in the courtroom. The judge absolutely threw the book at him, ultimately imposing six life sentences and an additional 1000-ish years with no chance for parole.
Order of protection case. Victim filed. Abuser shows up for court in a suit with sunglasses on. (I don’t have proof of this but he was a meth addict so pretty sure he was trying to hide the pinpoint pupils.) Abuser decided he is going to exercise his right to hear what he has done and question the victim. Victim gets up on stand and answers his questions honestly. One of the questions was: Why are you working with the police to put me under surveillance via cameras in my light fixtures? Victim responded: there are no cameras. You’re on meth and hallucinating. (Cue court room erupting in laughter including the court employees.) I’ve never seen a court room get so loud in real life and watched the judge start yelling for quiet and banging the gavel. Victim was terrified she had done something wrong and kept apologizing to the judge. At the end…the judge granted the longest OOP possible via the state then excused the victim and family. As victim was walking out the judge laid into the abuser and then some about how much of a disgrace he was to the community and how his parents and grandparents were rolling over in their grave. He should be ashamed of himself. The judge continued this until they determined the victim had time to get in their vehicle and leave.
When I clerked for a trial judge, we had a divorce case where the wife was asking for way more than the standard calculation for maintenance/alimony would have allowed her. She showed up to her trial date dressed in head to toe designer clothing with a $$$ designer purse. She lost. Afterward, the judge told me, “If she wanted to claim she was so bad off financially she should have left the pearls and Prada at home.”
Not mine but my divorce lawyer friend had a client share 5TB of porn her husband made while cheating on her. He had saved it on a hard drive that was plugged into the family computer… yeah, he’s making alimony payments forever.
Client’s in jail awaiting trial for an unrelated charge. Client decides he wants out of there and stacks chairs in the rec room. Client climbs chairs, pushes through the ceiling tile, then crawls on top of ceiling toward the next room over. Client falls through the ceiling five feet from the starting point and plummets ten feet in a shower of ceiling tiles.
Client somehow manages to land on his feet.
Client grabs fallen ceiling tiles, stacks them on top of chair stack, then attempts to escape again.
Client falls through a different part of the ceiling.
Comments
I saw a defendant pulled in for a show cause for violating probation. His drug test had showed positive for cocaine.
He stood up and shouted that it was a false positive because he “drank three 2-liters of Coke that day.” His lawyer grabbed him to sit down with one hand while facepalming with the other.
Any cases where someone states “I am sovereign and not subject to your jurisdiction.”
Friend who is a criminal defense attorney was called at 3-something AM by the presiding judge.
“The sheriff is on his way to arrest your client, who is having his bond revoked. I am calling you at 3 AM about that because he is having his bond revoked for posting a real name social media threat directed at me and my family.”
Client sued for injuries from a car accident. He had about 3 or 4 other accidents within the 3 years prior. One of them was a big rollover accident. He had medical treatment for all of them but he only disclosed the accidents that were not the rollover. Also, insurance company saw on his instagram that he went skiing even though he was complaining about pain in his low back that was so bad he couldn’t walk. We should never have taken the case, I don’t know why the office signed him up.
Not a lawyer but both defendants husband and wife showed up way late 15 and 30 minutes late.
Wife had big mouth and talked her way into judge stating she was ‘utter essence of contempt’.
I had a client give me the “poppy seed bagel” claim to justify a positive drug test…and it wasn’t for opiates.
Literally any “sovereign citizen”
Judges wont put up with it
Also anyone who abuses the kindness of a judge. If a judge gives you a chance to get rid of your case pre disposition take it. Because you wont get many of those and those are way less serious than a criminal conviction
Obligatory not a lawyer, but this thread reminds me of the US sovereign citizen who argued that he had a first amendment right to free speech in a Saskatchewan provincial court.
I just knew he wasn’t going to win that one.
The federal judge asked all the attorneys on a civil case into chambers. He stared point blank at defense counsel and said: “The jury hates you, really really hates you.”
Not a lawyer, but a business acquaintance was being sued over a slip and fall that apparently left this guy permanently disabled and unable to walk. His scumbag (by reputation) lawyer turned down settlements and was apparently a nightmare in court ordered mediation.
The whole thing fell apart when my acquaintance’s lawyer won a hearing over the plaintiff’s motion to exclude video evidence from a private investigator. Guess who was recorded multiple times walking (and once running in the rain) into his lawyer’s office?
Apparently the Judge ruled in a morning hearing and the case was dismissed with prejudice before close of business that same day.
Someone post the video of that one defendant who struts in, sits down and yells, “GUILTY AS CHARGED!” And then gets checked by the judge.
Thats gotta take the cake here. Haha
Client charged with rape.
His semen was found inside her vaginal canal.
He swears it was consensual.
But he’s already told the police she had only given him a hand job.
Two weeks later he killed himself.
Had a client tell me she couldn’t be charged with drunk driving because her boyfriend was steering from the passenger seat and she was just working the pedals. Passed that consult on to someone else with no shame.
Committed crime, then immediately text messages not one, but two friends, “I just [committed crime].”
My mom’s client lost his case cause he kept posting his workout videos and pics to Facebook after his car accident. He just would not stop and I think was addicted. Apparently showing off his physique was more important than his case. My mom had to tell another client not to post vacation pics of her on a dune buggy in Dubai after her accident and she was majorly pissed off for it. Baffling really.
There was a tiktok video of a guy attending a zoom court hearing for his suspended driving license, he was driving while doing the zoom call
Attorney filed a motion, asking to excuse clients’s previous default due to the conduct of client’s previous council. Unfortunately, the movant was also client’s previous council.
Have one tomorrow. Divorce case. Other side made an offer that is leaps and bounds better than any order the judge would give. I sent that offer back with edits and they responded with an absolutely insane offer that gives him everything plus more.
He still wants a trial. He’s getting one. He’s going to do far worse on time split, asset split, child support, and alimony.
Can’t give people the world apparently.
NAL, one of our clients showed up to Zoom court literally in the shower. Naked. Showering. In front of the judge.
NAL, but I felt the need to share my own singular sovcit experience. Canadian by the way.
In traffic court, waiting for my turn. Guy is called. Stands up, and is dressed and looks repsectable. Business suit, clean, hair combed, suitcase. Would have guessed he was a lawyer, if he was sitting ahead of the bar.
He stands up, and says out loud, “Well, I have a driver’s liscence with that name on it, but as its in capitals you can see that’s the name of a corporation, your honour.”
The justice on the bench did his best to be reasonable with this guy. But the guy immeadiatly starts a speech about how the system is corrupt and there needs to be changes.
He would go on about that several times in the next while.
This first time, the justice says, “That’s not what we are here to discuss today. We’re here for a speeding ticket. And if defendant’s name doesn’t present himself in front of this bar, I’m ruling a conviction in absense.”
So the defendant hustles in front of the bar (officially presenting himself for the case, behind the bar is gallery only) and proceeds to start an indignant series of acid born arguements that were so bizzare as to verge on schitzophrenia.
Highlights were:
Trying to invoke papal law. To which the justice responds, “Papal law? This isn’t rome, that doesn’t apply here.”
Defendant tries to quote admiralty law, which perplexes the justice as, “Where do you get admiralty law? This is Alberta, this is the most landlocked province in the country. Where do you get admiralty law?”
The defendant replies, straight faced and serious, “Well there used to be a fountain in the basement, sir.”
Mind you, defendant hasn’t even made his initial plea yet. Multiple times the justice tries to steer him back on track, and the guy keeps responding, “Well, I did it, but that’s not the point.”
So well after a balif has been called to keep an eye on this thing, and I, witnessing this, have finally realized I wasn’t dreaming, the justice on the bench finally says, “Ok. Fine, you’ve said you’ve done it multiple times before, and I’ll accept that as a guilty plea.” Hands out fine and thirty days to pay, next case.
I worked for a trial graphics firm and was working on a case where a forklift driver was driving maniaclly and ran into a cinderblock wall of a new construction. It caused enough damage that a gentleman on a ladder on the 2nd level of the structure fell and fractured some vertabrae.
The forklift driver was reprimanded the day prior driving the forklift in an unsafe manner. In his deposition, he bragged about how many speeding tickets and traffic violations he racked up in his corvette.
It was fun watching the deposition back with the plaintiffs attorney.
This is rather boring compared to other stories. It was a child custody case in a county I don’t normally practice in. Mom, my client, wouldn’t agree to a rather good settlement agreement and wanted her way 100%. She wanted a judge to decide rather than the parties settling where they both walk away winning and losing in a sense. The hearing starts, and the judge enters. We all rise like you typically do and the judge unleashes a tirade telling us to sit down, it’s obvious we’re from the big city all dressed up, but it’s his courtroom and he’s in charge. Then the judge mentioned his military service, and I knew that minute we weren’t going to win this case. The dad was formal military. I pissed the judge off by not taking the time to know how he operates his courtroom before appearing in it. Judge ordered a dad favorable opinion. Mom was mad. I learned two valuable lessons. The first is that settlement is preferred because you at least have some control over the outcome. And the second is get to know the court you are in.
Edit: Most civil court cases are legally nearly 50/50. Both parties have legal standing to present their version of events and proposed remedies based on legally sound arguments. There’s only a cunt hair of legal difference between the two sides. Having a professional relationship with the judge (and county bar association) can be the difference between winning and losing a case. If there’s not much to go on. The judge is going to side with the one person they know because it becomes about character and trusting a lawyer’s candor at that point. It’s just a reality.
My sister is a lawyer and her client ran a stop sign and t-boned another vehicle. She told my sister that she just knew “in her heart of hearts” that the other vehicle would stop instead. Was actually shocked that it didn’t.
Not a lawyer but was in court to testify. Defendant in another case is pleading guilty. The judge requires him to allocute and he gives a detailed description of his crime. He finishes, the judge looks at some paperwork and says “Sir, that’s not what you’re charged with.”
Defendent was drunk 80 year old hitting on the 18-19 year old jurors during recess while his lawyer frantically told him to stop and bodily blocked him from groping them in the elevator after he’d cornered one.
I was the defendant, not the lawyer. But I’ll make this quick. If you’re going to try to sue for in excess of $100,000 for life changing injuries over a tiny no-damage “fender no-bender” maybe don’t leave your social media public. And if you do, maybe don’t upload pictures and video of yourself rock climbing, hiking, and going to “extreme trampoline parks.”
And for the record, they got nothing. They should have settled with the insurer… they’d have gotten $10k to go away.
Probably the dude who joined a zoom call court hearing for his suspended license …while parking his car
I’ve had quite a few doing Social Security Disability. Typically speaking it’s people who have gone back to work and didn’t tell me, or that all of the sudden remember they actually volunteer 40 hours a week once they’re under oath.
But the most memorable one was the guy who was being questioned by the judge about his marijuana usage (which was noted in his records), and after being asked if he used any other drugs starts listing off meth, heroin, coke, etc. (pretty much you name it, he’d done it) and then informed us all that he had last used about a month prior.
That was a denial I didn’t appeal, and a real interesting call with his mom when she called me super pissed about him getting denied and me recommending not to appeal it. The judge had actually done him a solid and completely left out all of the hardcore drug use in the decision so it wouldn’t be an issue for him in the future if he got clean and tried again, but that made his mom think that the judge had clearly denied him based on bullshit as he had only mentioned the alcohol and weed.
Jury trial. Client on the stand. We’d gone over this evidence dozens of times before. The date of the service of a document was dispositive for the entire case:
Q: What is the office policy regarding issuing this letter to over-due accounts?
A: We do it on the 5th of every month.
(I already was ready to face-palm here, because the document is dated the 3rd.)
Q: Exhibit A is dated the 3rd, why is that?
(hoping she would say “the 5th was a Sunday, so we wanted to get it out early.” Instead she said…)
A: I don’t know. It shouldn’t be. If the 5th is a Sunday, we are supposed to serve it on the 6th.
(Double face palm)
Q: But if you dated it the third and signed the proof of service for the third, that would mean you served it on the third, right?
(Objection, leading. Sustained. Absolutely the correct call by OC and judge)
Q: When did you serve the document?
A: I have no idea.
…..
Fuck
I’m not an attorney; but I work for the state equivalent of the IRS. My job is to resolve tax disputes before trial, and if they go to trial, I am the State’s primary witness.
This means I’m subject to cross examination by the other side (typically the taxpayer).
I was dealing with a difficult [agitated/aggressive] taxpayer for an extended period of time. This is common before trial – we try not to go to trial, so there was prolonged period of me trying to explain why we did what we did. I had some brutal trial prep with our attorneys to get me read for anticipated cross examination.
To reiterate, I work for the state equivalent of the IRS, the IRS being a federal agency. I gave my testimony. Then the taxpayer was allowed to cross examine me.
He asked me “why the IRS disallowed his refund.”
I explained [for about the fifth time] I do not work for the IRS, and I do not know why the IRS did what they did. He would need to ask the IRS.
I was tempted to comment that if the IRS also disallowed his refund, it would appear the state-side adjustment was also correct, since we follow federal law. I decided against it.
Next he said, “No further questions.”
Going to trial is expensive. Both sides had to split the costs for the court stenographer ($1,400, so $700 each).
During the lead-up to the trial, I told him multiple times we are not the IRS.
Dude literally paid $700 to ask me under oath if I worked for the IRS; because apparently my telling him multiple times that I do not (and all of our correspondences being on my State’s letterhead) was not good enough for him. I think he may have had some brutal follow-up questions for the IRS, and he was completely blindsided by this revelation? IDK. The amount at issue was about $3,000; so $700 was a hefty amount for the taxpayer.
Of course he lost. We knew we were probably going to win before trial, but when he declined to even ask me any questions which could advance his case, it was clearly over.
Not my case but happened while I was waiting for my case to be called. Guy was upset the plaintiff was issuing a citation to discover assets against his wife and said “in my culture women can’t own anything” Judge was not amused…
I am currently in litigation. The fact that the defendant has changed lawyers 4 times over the last 2 years with two of them entering a Motion to Withdrawal tells me everything I need to know.
Child visitation case. Mother argues for less visitation because father is always late (also in bringing the child to school) and generally unreliable. Father is a whooping 38 minutes late to the hearing.
Okay it wasn’t my client, but I was prosecuting a case, DWI 3rd offense, reckless driving, neg use of a firearm (not relevant but the law on that one needs to change. If you’re drunk and a cop found you with it in the car, that’s enough to convict, 99% of the time though our office would dismiss that charge for a DWI plea) and assault on a police officer.
In our jurisdiction DWI 3rd is a felony, so preliminary hearing required. Those are usually waived since it’s pretty clear if PC existed in DWIs, but the defendant is pro se and refused to waive. So I finish my questioning of the officer. Defendant requests cross. First question: “Isn’t it true you only added the assault charge because when I hit you you started crying like a bitch?” Fucking stunned the entire courtroom. Judge told him to watch the language and recommended that he be represented by an attorney since the question was also an admission.
Pretty sure he just wanted to do it for the spectacle. He said no further questions, judge ruled PC existed to continue. He came over to me talking about pleas and we wrapped that up before the end of the day.
Friend of mines does defence against injury claims for companies, currently working on where the guy tried to kick a moving train. Lost his leg and currently suing the train company for damages.
Whole things on camera.
My squad was searching a stash house on a warrant. This is part of a takedown of a violent organization and there were a bunch of houses being searched at the same time. The house I was in was a known stash for guns and drugs and during our investigation, we bought multiple guns which came out of this house.
I was searching the kitchen in full kit when someone opened the back door and popped their head in. I turned around, he looked at me, I looked at him, then he backed out and slammed the door shut. I ran to the door, opened it, and he was standing right there with his hands up.
I sat him down on the patio steps and started to get his information while my SGT ran him through NCIC. The guy was cooperative but wide eyed and nervous AF. As I stood there and began to look at his waistline, I could see a clear outline of a gun in his jacket pocket. My BWC footage showed what was almost textbook “printing” of the gun while I stood in front of him.
He didn’t fight; he just accepted getting cuffed and arrested. Possession of a handgun by a prohibited person.
He went to booking and after getting into the jail, he made a phone call. Keep in mind that the phone system very clearly says all conversations are monitored and recorded. During this phone call, he told the other party that he had a satchel with $700 cash and coke that he tossed over the fence before I came out the back door.
A couple detectives went over there and found the bag. There was a big snowfall that morning, there were no footsteps anywhere near the bag, the bag did not have any snow on top of it. Inside the bag was $700 cash, cocaine, and the guy’s drivers license.
Dude filed a motion to suppress. His position was that I had no right to detain him. He lost that motion pretty badly and plead out. Our State’s Attorney cited something like 7 clearly established cases which showed that this position was comically wrong at best.
At the end of the hearing, the Judge told the guy he was going to put him in an employment education program because he needed to find a new job because he was so terrible at being a drug dealer.
A man approached the court for a reduction in his child maintenance payments to my client while driving a brand new BMW SUV. He said because I was a junior at the time, he’d handle the case himself and he’d “squash” me. After his poor attempt at compiling his disclosure of his financials, he was investigated and it was found that he was laundering money through a fake online church. He’s now being criminally prosecuted.
About halfway through a frivolous order of protection hearing against my client seeking visitation with his son, after the woman admitted she wasn’t in danger and a friend told her filing an order of protection would keep him from getting visitation…as the judge was reaming her out she blurted out, I want a lawyer!
I’m not a lawyer, but my mother-in-law’s divorce attorney would have a great answer to this. My father-in-law started to suffer from early onset dementia, which triggered a series of events resulting in my mother-in-law (not wrongly) filing for divorce.
Throughout the 3 years of divorce proceedings, my father-in-law’s condition became very obvious, to the point he was showing up to court in garbage bags (when his lawyer was able to get him there). By the end of the divorce he was living in a memory care facility (which was about as close to hell on earth as you’d imagine) and his sister had power of attorney. When everything was settled, their estate was split 50/50.
Yet my mother-in-law insisted he was faking it and that he had hidden millions on offshore accounts. So she sued. She couldn’t prove he ever had millions of dollars on the first place. She insisted he was faking it despite several doctors and attesting to his condition. So pretty much all of the proceedings were “she’s not winning”. But she insisted.
When their divorce proceedings were finalized she had over $750k. By the time her failed attempt to sue ended, she was down to $125k.
Bus driver, claims to have invented a way to make bus engines more efficient. Told about it to everybody and their dogs, even wrote about it. Then, later, proceeds to sue his employer for not patenting his groundbreaking idea.
I have no idea if his invention worked or not. According to experts, it didn’t really. But the guy blew any claims for novelty before even disclosing the invention to his employer.
Happened to a friend of mine a few years back in Canada versus Telus.
Telus offered a promotion on his contract and he always would call in and say he just wants his original contract price, which was 15$ cheaper than what it was worth now. So every year, he would call in and ask if he can extend his contract by another year.
Well, last year, as that price was practically non existent, they immediately bumped his price up when he phoned in, stating that he was on a glitched account and his original contract was noot, because they didn’t sign a contract every time they extended it. So they charged him over 8000$ for the plan.
But what Telus didn’t do, or this rep and this whole department didn’t do, is that they should have asked to see the contract he had first, and seen that they did do that, and he has emails, phone calls, dates and letters and pictures, to prove that they did.
So he takes Telus to court, hires a fancy lawyer, and seeks I think the maximum in B.C Small Claims is $40,000, so $40,000 in mental anguish, breach of contract and pressure tactics, and wins.
The lawyer warned Telus, and said “Hey, I put a lot of evidence into discovery for you guys to comb over, are you guys sure you want to pursue this? It’s a pretty strong case, I highly advise to look at this!” Telus said no need, we have our proof.
Their proof? Original contract that has an end date, and their defense looked super smug and happy. My buddies proof? All the amended contract emails, agent names, dates, phone call transcripts they got from Telus, everything.
Judge ruled in my buddies favor, and even made the comment “He gave you a chance”
Potential Client: I want to sue the Hilton for racial discrimination. They refused to let me use the pool because I’m black.
Me: Wait – you came down from your room and they told you no?
PC: No, I came in from the beach and they said no.
Me: Wait, were you staying there?
PC: No, but there were white people in the pool and a white guy said I couldn’t use it!
Another lawyer took the case. Either didn’t ask the right questions or didn’t care.
Not a lawyer, but this one always make me chuckle. A friend of mine rear-ended another vehicle. They exchanged info, there didn’t seem to be any damage or injury, and they went on their way. TWO YEARS LATER, my friend receives word that she’s being sued for injuries from the accident. The other party had a sprained wrist and was suing for $25,000 for pain, suffering, loss of wages, etc. So, my friend calls her insurance company and they say they’ll take care of it.
Long story shorter, insurance company offers her $5,000 for her to go away. She insists her injuries deserve better compensation. They offer her $7500. She still refuses. They offer her $12,500. She laughs and says “See you in court.” And, they did about a year later, case went before a jury. She “won” and was awarded $2300, one third of which had to go to the lawyer she’d hired.
So, instead of taking $12500 of which she would have gotten 100%, she “went to trial” and ended up getting 66% of $2300 (so about $1500) and had to wait a whole other year to get it.
Yeah, that’s a win.
I’m not a lawyer, but I’ve seen several clips of the trial of Darrell Brooks. He drove his car through the Waukesha Christmas Parade in 2021, killing six and injuring over 60.
Throughout the entire trial (in which he represented himself), he did nothing but dig his own grave while irritating everyone else in the courtroom. The judge absolutely threw the book at him, ultimately imposing six life sentences and an additional 1000-ish years with no chance for parole.
Order of protection case. Victim filed. Abuser shows up for court in a suit with sunglasses on. (I don’t have proof of this but he was a meth addict so pretty sure he was trying to hide the pinpoint pupils.) Abuser decided he is going to exercise his right to hear what he has done and question the victim. Victim gets up on stand and answers his questions honestly. One of the questions was: Why are you working with the police to put me under surveillance via cameras in my light fixtures? Victim responded: there are no cameras. You’re on meth and hallucinating. (Cue court room erupting in laughter including the court employees.) I’ve never seen a court room get so loud in real life and watched the judge start yelling for quiet and banging the gavel. Victim was terrified she had done something wrong and kept apologizing to the judge. At the end…the judge granted the longest OOP possible via the state then excused the victim and family. As victim was walking out the judge laid into the abuser and then some about how much of a disgrace he was to the community and how his parents and grandparents were rolling over in their grave. He should be ashamed of himself. The judge continued this until they determined the victim had time to get in their vehicle and leave.
When I clerked for a trial judge, we had a divorce case where the wife was asking for way more than the standard calculation for maintenance/alimony would have allowed her. She showed up to her trial date dressed in head to toe designer clothing with a $$$ designer purse. She lost. Afterward, the judge told me, “If she wanted to claim she was so bad off financially she should have left the pearls and Prada at home.”
Not mine but my divorce lawyer friend had a client share 5TB of porn her husband made while cheating on her. He had saved it on a hard drive that was plugged into the family computer… yeah, he’s making alimony payments forever.
NAL, but our client took the stand, and when asked about his job, he told the court he’s a “street pharmacist.”
One of my wife’s very old cases. DV where the male partner was accused of assaulting the woman. Defence was:
“Well, yes she was pregnant and I hit her in the belly, but it wasn’t with an iron bar”
The judge was not amused.
Client’s in jail awaiting trial for an unrelated charge. Client decides he wants out of there and stacks chairs in the rec room. Client climbs chairs, pushes through the ceiling tile, then crawls on top of ceiling toward the next room over. Client falls through the ceiling five feet from the starting point and plummets ten feet in a shower of ceiling tiles.
Client somehow manages to land on his feet.
Client grabs fallen ceiling tiles, stacks them on top of chair stack, then attempts to escape again.
Client falls through a different part of the ceiling.
All of this is captured on jail video camera.
When the client starts their defense with ‘technically it wasn’t illegal illegal…