Yesterday I sent my mom some gas money. I sent her $100 because 50 was probably the right number but she often asks for less than she really needs and the $100 button was right there. Now, my mom and I are not particularly close. I prefer her in small doses. She lives 600 miles away.
She called me today to thank me for the extra money and to ask if by sending the extra money, I was really sending a “subtle hint” that I want her to come stay here for a week to give me a break with the kids. An oddly specific amount of time, I’ve never had my mom here for a whole week. No, mom. If I want someone to stay for a week, I will just ask. I will not leave a cryptic hint in the form of a random amount of money.
And I don’t need a break from the kids, as in time without the kids or another hand with the kids. I need a break from some of the situations involving the kids and the general stress of raising these particular kids in the current US and world climate. I have lots of hands of people to help with kids. Plus I work out of my home so my mom hanging out with the kids while I’m also home trying to work sounds like a special level of hell.
Frankly I’m surprised she asked, several years ago she “joked” about showing up here as a surprise to wait for us to bring our baby home from the hospital and when I said “I know you’re joking but I need you to know that you can’t just show up here unexpectedly” she got really mad. Usually in those situations she then just goes and does whatever it is, without asking because the first time she asked she got shot down. Can’t be told no if you just do things without asking.
Maybe she’s learning.
In any case, it becomes more and more clear that she prefers to communicate in weird indirect ways and assumes others are doing the same.
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Mine is like that too. The “joking” is so annoying and I have trouble even communicating with her anymore. I try and keep it to small talk when I do speak to her, but it gets tiresome.