My husband has put us in a terrible financial position and I don’t know what to do. Basically he lost his job and stopped paying the mortgage without telling me. I’m done, but would it make more sense to plan my exit and try to save as much as I can??
If I leave now I’ll have little savings left and a lower credit than I’d like, if I wait a year and try and save some money and lift my credit- I have no idea if my situation will actually get any better. We have two small children which play into this in a HUGE way. I feel stuck and like no matter what I do, it’s the wrong thing
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Don’t wait for something that may or may not happen (credit increasing over the year).
Talk to a divorce attorney to get legal advice.
Leave now.
Were you already thinking of leaving and this is like the final blow? We do have to see things from their end some times. He may have been too embarrassed to admit he couldn’t provide for his family, and then it just got out of his control by not being able to find another job quicker.
Credit will ebb and flow, but your marriage is a big deal to walk away from. Especially with littles.
So sit down and talk to him and tell him he can go work fast food so something is coming in, while he figures out how to make this right.
But if you’re just done, then go now before it gets worse. You can both salvage your credit by moving in with family or friends right now, or a small cheaper apartment. But if you own a house then it’s not worth the headache just yet.
File bankruptcy, start new.
There’s so many options.
This is a question for a divorce attorney.
Do you really think you’ll be in a better spot financially in a year? Hes unemployed now, who’s going to be covering for everything during that year? YOU are. If you stay thats a (presumably) higher cost mortgage on you as opposed to renting a smaller place, and now you have to cover all his expenses in addition to your own and your kids.
I know it probably feels like you don’t have the financial stability to leave now, but he has already fucked over your finances and lied about it. Take the little you still have and move out. You’ll find a way to make it work.
I should also add, finances will be a big deal in the divorce. In my state, anything acquired during the marriage is considered 50/50 property. Be careful about draining a bank account to move out because that won’t look good to the judge. It would be wise to speak to a divorce attorney soon. You’ll need one eventually anyways, to deal with the house and parenting agreement.
It’s easy to say I’ll leave in a year etc. just leave now. I mean if he hides this, what else does he hide
I highly recommend talking to a divorce attorney. Sending love and light.
Now!
Absolutely talk to a divorce attorney. They can advise you when the best time to file for divorce would be but I think the sooner you’re not tied to your husband financially the better. You just don’t know what could happen over a year and he’s already been lying to you.
You need to talk to a divorce lawyer in your state. We aren’t lawyers and we don’t know the details of this situation.
Talk to an attorney. Is half this debt yours? Would it be best to wait until your husband works the cojones to pay the debt? How are you planning to save this money so that he doesn’t get half?
Separate your finances immediately. Get a legal consult if you can.
Talk to the mortgage owner to find out what your recourse is for resuming payments while getting the house sold. Explain your situation and your intention to divorce. They do NOT want to foreclose and repossess your house unless forced to, or unless you live in a hot market where they benefit from reselling.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My ex kicked me out of our house, then expected me to continue paying for half of the mortgage while I was also paying rent to my mother because I moved into her vacation condo. A judge told him that he was responsible for the mortgage payments if I wasn’t living in the house, and if he couldn’t afford it he should get a roommate. My ex asked me to find a roommate for him! I refused, said it wasn’t my responsibility and I was done doing his work for him. Out of spite, my ex stopped paying the mortgage entirely and didn’t tell me. A couple months later I had a niggling hunch one day and looked up our mortgage and found out that the bank was on the verge of initiating foreclosure. I called them up fast and explained the situation. They said I had X days to pay the amount due, and that would resolve it. I borrowed the money from my mother and “bought” out my ex from the property; he signed an agreement removing himself from the property deed and agreed to move out. Because I had been renting from my mother, I could stop paying rent to her and continued making the mortgage payments until the house sold a few months later.
There are some people (men and women) that are conflict or criticism avoidant and make choices that ultimately fuck themselves over, rather than be honest about problems and difficult situations.
I’m sorry you married such a putz. You’ll be better off taking control of yourself and your own life without him dragging you down or holding you back.
Sorry this is happening. Agree with others look into a divorce attorney asap.
You need to consult an attorney before doing anything right now. Your financial situation is complicated and will likely get overwhelming quickly.
Your credit score is the least of your worries right now. You have two children, a house in a precarious financial position and no savings. it may take longer than a year to get things sorted. You need to make an actual plan, not vaguely “try and save money”. How likely is it that you will be able to save anything if you are the sole earner with two young children? Unless there is abuse happening to you or the children, I would caution you against just packing up and leaving. You need to do this slowly, carefully, and thoughtfully. Making any drastic decisions will lead to unintended consequences.
Talk to more than one attorney. At minimum, you will need a parenting agreement and an agreement about division of assets. You will need an assistance of an attorney, full stop. There are things you can do to reduce costs, but don’t try to do this completely on your own.
Write out a list of everything you owe and own – checking accounts, savings accounts, vehicles, credit card debt, personal loans, student loan debt, unpaid parking tickets, retirement account, anything you can think of. If you dont know the balances thats ok, just write down that there is an account that exists. Collect documents – bank statements, credit card bills, retirement statements, titles to cars and house, recent pay stubs, tax returns filed for at least the last 3 years.
If you want to sell the house, start talking to a realtor now and get an idea of the market. Ask them to do a comparative market analysis which will give you an idea of the value of your home today in its current condition. It is unlikely you’ll be able to just “take your half and go” – this depends on laws in your area, what divorce process you will be using, who put the down payment and if it was separate or community property, etc. If he is not contributing at all to the mortgage, defaulted on some payments, and now you are having to take a second job to pay the whole mortgage, that will factor into any equity split.
Depending on the laws in your area, if he is not earning income, you may be required to pay him spousal support and child support, regardless of the reason why he doesn’t have a job. Sometimes there is imputed income that reduces the amount of support owed to one party, but not always. Just because he is refusing to get a job doesn’t mean you won’t have to pay support. This is why you need to consult with an attorney.
I would highly, highly recommend listening to two podcasts on Spotify: The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast by Kate Anthony, and How Not To Suck At Divorce by Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill. There is a wealth of information between those two that is worth it’s weight in gold.