Leaving Band Was the Best Decision I Made, but My Director Won’t Let It Go

I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to anyone about this apart from my mom who seemed to brush it off, but it’s been weighing on my mind for days.

A little bit of context: I’m a 16 year old girl in highschool who is part of her high school band. Cool right? No! I had an epiphany this year during a performance “outside of school” that I worked really hard for during the fall semester. It was funny because as I looked at all the students playing along side me with their giddy attiudes, I suddenly relaized “I truly hate this”. And no I’m not someone who hates people having joy; I simply didn’t like the environment I was in — A place full of passionate band students. I felt like an impostor almost. Mind you, I’ve had several moments like this in my “own school band”, when I had felt like I wasn’t really a part of the group. During many of our marching band competitions, I would constantly be staring at my phone, silently praying for time to exhaust so I could go home. Meanwhile, everyoneelse seems like they’re having so much fun and making great memories. I remember at one of our marching showcase –the one would decide if we would make state or not–we placed 15th out of like 20 bands, which is a terrible score. I mean if you were to make state, you would have had to be top 3 at least. The point is, I saw many of my band mates sobbing, genuinely devastated, and me? I was just thinking “Yes! The Season is over. No more marching band!” On the bus back home, everyone was quiet and I could still hear some faint sobs from seniors and what not. That’s when it hit me again “I truly hate this. I don’t belong here”

Fastforward to the spring semester, I have made up my mind “I was quitting band”. Once I had made this decision, it felt like everything in my live now made sense. I had this sort of mental clarity that I hadn’t expereinced in my life ever before. It felt really good. However, I still kept going about my similar band routine. I show up an hour early for reheasal for individual practice time, I attended rehearsals, concerts, and whatever. Maybe this was part of the reason my band directors didn’t expect to see that band wasn’t on my schedule for the next school year. Usually, kids that are going to quit start slacking a bit. They stop showing up as much and stop trying as hard as hey used to. “Whats the pont?” they wuld say. That wasn’t me though. It had never been me.

About a month ago, one of my band director (nice one) called me into his ofice to discuss why I was quitting the band. I lied to him and told him that I was quitting because of the band costs and all the time that went into it. If you remeber the band comps I was talking about, those things take about a minimum of 12 hours. Usually I leave for school on a staruday at 6am and come back at around 1am if I’m lucky. And this is all seperatre from the before school rehearsals from monday to frinday, as well as the after school ones Anyways, he had tried to convince me by saying that they were scolarship opportunites to cover the current costs of band and that he would talk to my parents about the time and everyhing, but I stood firm and told him that my decision was final. I though that would be the end of it. Boy was I wrong! About a week later, the other weasel of a band director ambushed me while I was practicing before school and started harping about how I was throwing away thousands of dollars worth of scholarship. Basically saying I was making a grave decision that would ruin my entire future. I stared at the wall the entire time he was talking, not a single word did I exchange with him. He repeated this about a week later. Then finally, they both called me into their office to ask why I was quitting again. By then, I had dropped the cost and time bluff and just admited “I just don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t feel like I’m growing being a part of this group”. Then the weasel of a band director actually had the audacity to say “That’s not a good enough reason. I feel like this is just a teenage rebellion phase thing”. After that, they both exchanged their “scholarship talk” and I dismissed myself out of their office. I simply gestured to the door and said “I would like to go back to rehearsal”. Go me!

Last week, I recieved a text message from one of my seniors in band that read “You’re quitting?!”. And i replied “yes, how did you know?” I was shocked at her message because the only people that knew I was quitting were my family and my band directors. She texted back, that she had found out from THAT WEASEL!. Oh the nerve! She texted that he said “someone from the Wind Symphony band (This would be like the varsity team)” was qutting and she had simply just asked who it was, and that was how she found out it was me. She obviously downplayed what he had actually done. During that same week, while I was in my chemistry class, I said hi to one of the trumpets in that director’s band. He said hi back then asked “Are you okay? ” I was a bit perplexed by this question and repsonded “Why?” Then he went on to tell me that he heard I was quitting. Then I nodded “I am. Who told you?” He then revealed that it was that weasel. One of his friends also then, “He told everyone during rehersals that you were quitting because you didn’t have friends”. I was mortified and didn’t even know what to say, so I just replied “If that’s what he thinks, let him think that”. I was so embrassed that he would say that to not to one but 30 of the students in his band. He might as well told the whole band of about 100 students. Just last Friday, I had another encounter with a frehsman in his band that i had never spoken to in my entire life. He waved a hi at me. I said hi back, but I knew that he had said that because of the “she doesn’t have friends thing”. It angered me so much! It’s like the entirety of his band now sees me as this loner, which I don’t have a problem with. But it’s so unfair how my businness ws broadcasted to everyone. I mean what was the point of calling me into your office. You might as well have discussed the matter in front of everybody.

So was this wrong of him or am I just overreacting?