I don’t know how to explain it properly, but my birthday is in 11 days and I feel nothing. No excitement, no joy. Just this heavy pit in my stomach. I’m turning 22 and all I can think about is how I’ve done nothing with my life. No job. No relationship. Not even the drive to really talk to my friends anymore. And yet, I want to talk. I want to feel heard. But at the same time, I can’t bring myself to reach out. It’s like I’m stuck in this weird in-between space of wanting connection and isolating myself.
I had taken a break from my previous job to prepare for an entrance exam — didn’t get in. So now I’m back to square one, looking for a job again. It’s hard not to feel like I messed up. Like I gambled on myself and lost.
I’ve been home, doing nothing but lying on the bed or couch all day. No work, no purpose, just existing. My parents never say anything harsh, but I can’t help but feel like they must be ashamed of me. I’m not financially independent. I’m not building anything. I feel like a walking, talking burden.
And the worst part? I hate feeling this way. I hate that this is who I am right now. I used to have so many ideas for what 22 would look like. Now it just feels like a reminder of everything I’m not.
Anyway, I just needed to let this out. Maybe someone out there understands.
Comments
Im 23 and im going through this same exact thing, like word for word.. it’s hard to put yourself out there when this has been the routine for so long. I want to vent too, feel seen like you said, it’s just hard not to feel ashamed.. just know you’re not alone. I try to remind myself that im still young & everything happens for a reason. There’s still time left.
Hey, we can talk in private, just lmk
Depression sucks, but unfortunately there is only 1 way out of this, its to keep at it until you do get a job even if that job sucks. And from there gotta try build something you want with the money you save and the experience you gain from the job.
You got great parents who are supporting you, keep using them for as long as you need, but you should try not to impose more than you need, thats important for your own feeling of guilt and their economy.
The cure for depression is fulfilment and having goals that you feel is actually achievable, but fulfilment is something that doesn’t come by easy, its something one have to have strived and sacrificed for.
22 is still very young, there are still things you can learn that can land you good jobs. Believe it or not most schools arent actually that great for actual job experience/job performance(unless its for high end stem jobs), you can learn what you need outside of them. For example taking the forklift license, its needed in a lot of job places, or accounting courses.
My dad took some fire safety courses and relatively easily become viable for fire safety equipment maintenance, his only education that he had a degree in from his young age was a degree in theology.
I myself didn’t have a degree either when i was 22, but I became a butcher for a while as i worked myself up from the porkchop packing line at the butchery/factory I randomly did get a job at.
So things are possible even if at the time things seem dark with no paths visible ahead
I think a lot more people than you’d expect feel this way around your age.. I’m 24 and still in the same boat as you, just trying to make ends meet. When I was a teen I always thought I’d be married, have a great social life, own property and be planning for kids around this time. But I’m newly single, my only friend forgot my birthday and I’m back at my parent’s place, haha. I know it’s hard but don’t compare yourself to others and just do the best you can. Times are hard, but everything will be alright. We have time and when you least expect it, good things will happen<3 to know what good feels like you have to know what bad feels like.