I’m struggling so much in my day to day life. I’ll be 31 soon, married for 11 years and have 3 kids. Lately I’ve been having this “stuck” feeling. I’m not happy with what my life is so far. I go back and forth so often on divorcing and completely having a 180 in my life but would that actually make me happy? Idk. I feel like I’m always waiting for the next phase of life. Like “oh, things will be just a little better when this part of life starts” but every time that part of life comes, I’m still unhappy. In the past, I’ve gone through phases where I feel like this. So maybe I’m just having a depressive episode? Maybe I’ll get over feeling like this soon? I’ve been stuck feeling like this since the election. My husband and I voted oppositely and that was kinda the last straw and started my spiral about my life. Idk really know what I’m looking for here, maybe I just need to vent a little and see if anyone else has felt the same and may have some words of encouragement. I also desperately need to find a therapist 🤪
Comments
The first part of your post sounded like you are being passive with your life and just waiting to see if the next phase will be better. Are you actively working on changing small things you’re unhappy with to make it better?
Then I read the second part about your husband voting differently and I honestly don’t blame you for wanting to divorce, especially in this political climate. It almost sounds like the crux of your dissatisfaction and felling ‘stuck’ is because of him.
All I saw is 11 years and 3 kids. That’s a lot especially if they are close to age and you haven’t had a break in between them. You might be exhausted just from trying to juggle everything especially if you are working also. Can’t really comment on voting as I’m not from US.
I just had this conversation with my partner earlier. Similiar situation, 3 kids and 12 years later and.. I just feel..sort of stuck? I haven’t worked as we have absolutely no family help, but my littlest is about ready to start school, and I’m just sort of scared. It’s been 12 years of just raising kids, and while I’m ready to get back out there, I’m also absolutely terrified to do so.
But I feel like I have to. An age old adage, but happiness comes from within, right? Maybe start doing little things to make you happy again.
As a parent, I think you have a responsibility to get to the bottom of your unhappiness before making drastic moves which impact your kids. That doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid, but set a generous timeline (let’s say a year) which you use to improve the issues you can pinpoint and addressing problems and concerns. One of them seems to be completely different values with your husband.
You got married young and it’s not rare to grow apart with a long term parter. I think many of my female friends had some sort of an epiphany regarding what they want in life and who they are. I also realized that I was single-handedly carrying my relationship with a lazy manchild who treated me as a bangmaid, controlled me and eventually was arrested for domestic abuse.
Do you have the resroutes to seek therapy? Not that any therapist could tell you what you have to do to be happy, but I’m sure they could help you to process these thoughts you are having and provide tools to take action, minor or major.
And just adding that having three kids is a lot of work! I don’t blame anyone just being exhausted in your shoes.
I’ll probs delete this comment 😂
I’m usually up at 5 am because I wake up my husband up every single freaking day for the past 10 years at his request like the dutiful wife I have been groomed to be, and I’m just truly so exhausted of this life phase of being a wife. It’s my first rodeo, and not all of it was bad or awful but I think I’ve been ready to quit for a very long time. It’s terrifying because maybe being single isn’t great as being married definitely opened doors for me in subtle societal shifts. People see the length of commitment as a success story, and that I’m a responsible partner.
My entire decade was devoted to this idea of love, that if I truly love him and choose him then that involves sacrifice or proof in actions. Little did I know that only I would dissolve in a complete abandonment of self to his benefit. He asked me to not hang out with people who partied or drank, just slowly replaced my little hobbies with small household chores (as a busy husband has leisure time off the back of a good wife). Doing anything required permission, and whenever “we need to do this”, it was more like I had to figure out how to do it. I was 21, he was coming off a failed engagement who knew all the right things to say, what even were boundaries??? 😂 He now directs multi hundo-million projects but somehow stumbles when it comes to personal tasks, and don’t get me wrong, in the beginning I loved being reliable. It’s so easy to please a woman in love with a simple “thank you sweetie” and a forehead kiss – fucking TRAP.
I’ve stopped waiting for my next phase of life and have actively started to pursue it with a roadmap strategy and hardmaxx goals to keep me sane. This includes traveling to places I’ve always wanted to go. I have waited a decade on a promise that he would take me to honeymoon France and have always went to other places with my family because I am a deeply sappy sentimental girl but goddammit I can fly myself out and buy my own fiscally irresponsible Chanel or Hermes bag per my life goals of living a happy and romantic life 🤭
It’s really up to you to shape your life one day at a time, and from one 31 year old to another, you can do it. Carve space to find your true authentic self! It can be a little plant that flourishes just for you and your own happiness, all the way to similar long term goals. Women should be and need to be more selfish