friend zone 

Im M63 but fit- I sail and play sport, my wife F60 is beautiful- been together 37yrs. She had a secret online lover , secretly gave him $214000 over a year. During this time she was withdrawn and hooked on the phone…writting long long messages etc. I Couldn’t understand why we were in such financial stress, she told me I had to sell my boat..so ..When I found out- well it turned out to be a catfish scam. Took quite a long while to convince her..He was supposed to be an Ukraine soldier-an almost general? and she didn’t even know his last name..She had just begun screwing a young guy also M30+ something. Having so much fun I guess..young again…She went from being on such a high to I guess shame… the kids kicked here out of our home , I eventually invited her back unconditionally.

So now we live in seperate rooms.-2yr

Affection-less. Friend-zoned

I just want to go back to a normal loving relationship..This is driving me quite crazy. I was suicidal for some time. My close family helps me with this still. This all happened just before I had to get a prostate operation. After all this I kind of lost the plot, crumpled-and my business went bankrupt- and I guess I had a mental breakdown… started stuttering …so that’s my life.. Don’t know how much more I can really take of this new normal. She says- why do I complain about the one thing which is not ok-being the affection and sex.

BTW we have 4 adult kids -2 still at home M26 & M23 and 3 grandchildren…

so that’s the truth that I cannot tell anyone. Too much of a scandal for her.

Just found a chat where she has recently been saying to my close friends and business partner that I am obsessed with her and mentally unstable. She is sidelining me at work because of this. I guess that instability and neediness even has been true. But I’m much better now. She is being very pushy, aggressive, assertive and confident, hanging around young men and partying. This all kind of started happened after she had some cosmetic surgery and started going to the gym a lot. To be fair I had some transgressions 20yrs ago -I guess revenge is best served cold. She says she was never going to leave me but had had enough of our relationship. Sited problems with my personality etc. When the final part came to the catfish scam she was intent on going to Poland to be with this guy. 40yr old.. He was all the things I wasn’t apparently. Except he wasn’t real and probably a Russian.

PlanA -to get back to what was normal. I’ve dedicated the rest of 2025 to sorting out our finances to be in a position to make decisions. She says if I go to the gym and dress better, behave better I might be able to win her back.. I think menopause is a big factor. Are women all this cruel.? I see her being unaffectionate to our animals even and yet so enthusiastic with any good looking young guy. She says she was mentally unwell- and I can understand that but when does this flip back to normal. Saw a therapist -he said I need to love myself and deal with rejection.. ok.

tl;dr friend zoned what should I do next.