little update, coming to terms with being the quote unquote bad guy. honestly feeling pretty good.

preemptively apologizing for the length of this post, but there’s quite a bit to update you guys on. last i updated was a little over a month ago. MIL has been estranged from us for nearly 3 months now. re-reading my old posts has been great for keeping clarity through this entire thing. i’ve had a lot of back and forth moments, a lot of doubts with myself and how this has gone, a lot of break throughs. reading how i used to view the grandma in law in this whole thing makes me laugh knowing what i know now. my husband and i have made so much progress in working through this. i’m really truly proud of him. no contact is still my ultimate resolution, one he fully supports.

things are going pretty well as of now, i expect things to fully ramp back up come november when baby is due, but the boundaries are clear cut and have been conveyed by husband to his family directly. they know they pushed too far, they just never wanted to hear me out until it became irreparable.

in the last update i followed up after my text (posted also to my page) went through the family, and i had grandma in law, MIL’s stupid sister, and MIL all coming for my throat and threatening me with blame for potential (yet inevitable) deaths of family members. they all became unhinged, and while i was mad at my mom for doing what she felt she needed to do to protect me, i understand her heart was in the right place. so let me briefly explain.

after my husbands dipshit aunt aggressively came at us, me specifically, of course my mom has been my support through this and when she found that out she was like “nah, this has gone too far”. i told her im a grown woman (im 25 and unlike my 48 year old MIL i can handle things on my own) and to not get involved. my mom ended up calling grandma in law. basically saying “why the fuck are BOTH of your daughters coming for mine now.” grandma in law played dumb and said she didn’t know her other dumbass daughter was now inserting herself. she did the “oh honey, oh sweetie they don’t mean any harm, we just want some resolution” bullshit and it kinda suckered my mom in. as it used to do to me. my DUMBASS MIL was sitting in the background at grandma in laws house (unbeknownst to my mom) and fliiiiiiipped her shit. SHOCKER saying “GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE WITH HER SHES MAKING UP LIES!” (she apparently thought I was on the phone) her 70 year old mommy quickly tried to placate her and settle the mess. which didn’t work because MIL is MENTAL. i include ages to reiterate the absurdity of this all.

my mom goes “who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, because this is OP’s mom” and she goes hush. it turned into an all out yelling match, and my mom told her to shut her mouth that it was her turn to talk. then my mom turned therapist and calmed my emotionally unhinged MIL down, and “got her to finally listen” whatever. later that day i get a text from grandmother in law “had a great talk with your mom! MIL and her talked too! she is so smart, we should have talked with her a long time ago!” i literally got dizzy upon reading it, my mind whirled and i was like “god. what did she do.”

i called my mom and she tried explaining that people are capable of change, and MIL suddenly saw the error in her ways quoting her “i feel like such an ass! should i send OP flowers?!” i was so angry because i also know my mom- bless her, has a raging (diagnosis can’t be typed here) mother herself and gets played pretty easily.

(for context last time i saw my own grandmother- her mother, grammy told us her plan when she died was she would be giving all her money from the estate sale she plans in her will to a k-9 unit charity that she “wishes we were proud of her for” and that her daughter (the only 1 of 3 who is still in her life) would be left with nothing because she didn’t “earn it” like MALIGNANT level, that my mother has had for a mother.) and i’ve seen her get played through the years, she’s a very forgiving and kind individual, honestly to a fault.

anyways this phone call really shifted my entire perspective on my husbands family as a whole, my stance on my potential return, and really- my perspective on husbands grandma. my mom felt quite confident about her intervention, and said maybe we ALL could sit down soon and work things out. after my MIL has accused me of abusing my husband, using my own daughter as leverage, accused me of being a (can’t type word out but narc) because of my “outrageous” boundaries, etc etc. i have no interest in reconciliation with this woman. and i know her, after 10 years with my husband i know the game she pulled over my moms head.

i also found it to be extremely frustrating that my in laws were only willing to hear me out because my mommy swooped in and forced them to. they should have listened to me, as i have been quite for a decade and never spoken up, and the one time i did it blew up the entire dynamic. (once again you can read the text for yourself if interested)

later that night when hubby came home my mom explained all that happened on the phone, and the first thing out of his mouth was “i don’t know.. my mom is really good at making you feel heard out, but going back and doing the same thing over again. she’s good at playing people, and i think she duped you.” immediately my moms tune changed and she became extremely concerned and lost all confidence in the situation. to which i was once again frustrated because i feel like no one is hearing me out when i say the same things. though i know it was more serious for my mom to hear it from my husband who has lived years and years alone with his mother and knows her inside and out.

this is where my in laws viewed this all as their open door. literally less than 24 hours last i get AN HOUR LONG VOICE RECORDING from MIL’s new number, going through my entire text and defending her every whim in a bulleted list she claimed she made in her notes. from 7:40 pm to 8:40 pm she blew my phone up with audio message after audio message.

she claims that she learned form my mom that even though she doesn’t remember any of the horrible things she’s said and done to me, she has to acknowledge it anyways. she kept reiterating through the message that “i am only human and i am bound to mess up more in the future” and goes on to explain that she now ALSO has a surgery (gastric bypass) coming up in november conveniently around my due date (im having a scheduled c section) and that this all needs to be resolved by then because she quote “will be open on the table, and it won’t be good for her or for her son”- literally used my own words “open on the table” against me.

wraps up the entire thing with this:
“I know you and I are not family, but you’re married to (husband). He’s my heart and soul. OK he’s my first born. He’s everything to me OK and, if I had to give up my own life for him God forbid I would do it OK cause I would, he’s everything, he’s the light of this family, and I’ve suffered a great deal during this whole thing so please don’t think that I haven’t because I have. I’ve cried, I’ve vomited. I, not to be graphic, but I’ve had diarrhea because my stomach’s been so upset. I’ve cried really loudly to where other people can hear me and, I’ve screamed out like people do when their child has died or something. I’ve screamed out, so I am in the trenches like (husband) says, and I see the light, and I’m crawling out but I’m gonna need you to help you know, pull me the rest of the way out of the tunnel, because until we resolve this I’m not living fully. I’m living halfway, you guys are everything, so I hope to hear from you soon.”

please tell me you’re all visibly cringing at your screens reading that too, that is a direct copy and paste from my transcript messages.

i ignored it. less than 24 hours after that grandma in law texts me “did you get MIL’s audio message?!” to which i said i was at this point begging for space, that im 6 months pregnant and my baby doesn’t deserve this level of stress im putting it through, and just because my mom had a pleasant conversation with you two doesn’t mean i want to talk right now. of course the family didn’t respect that, and begged my husband to come talk.

he did, first time he saw his mom since her blow up June 9th. and his mother instantly jumped into “DON’T YOU SEE WHAT YOUR WIFE IS DOING?!”

just as i expected. she thinks i am seriously stupid or something. his entire goal with going there and talking was to tell them that they all needed to back off and that we would not be having them meet the baby until at LEAST a month postpartum. once again MIL flipped out screaming saying “that’s not common at all!! it’s standard that family come to the hospital to meet the new baby! your wife is a (diagnosis i can’t type here)” when he stood behind me and said this was mutual and not just my decision, she said that i was influencing him negatively because there’s a rising trend in adult children cutting off “good parents” without giving them chances, and not only that i was using my own daughter as leverage against her, but against HIM too. and that i was isolating him from his family and his support.

he comes back home to me and tells me it was annoying asf seeing his mom, but he was worried about his granny because she was crying hysterically and he doesn’t like seeing her like that. at this point i see how manipulative his granny is, but i didn’t say anything.

anyways this was weeks ago. a few days after this, his granny texts him “im sorry for crying!” and he goes “why do you say that?” and she goes “i don’t want you to feel bad!” he gets rubbed the wrong way from it and i tell him i honestly had a feeling she cranked up the dramatics to manipulate him into guilt. to which he had an ah-hah moment and realized, holy shit, my granny created this monster and she is culpable. since then, he’s been avoiding her and his moms texts. and granny has AMPED UP the love bombing. sending him and i both a plethora of i love yous, and pictures of him as a baby hugging her. she drunk texted me one night saying “i love you OP, i will never stop living your life, you’re stuck with me! also i’m tipsy, i couldn’t stop hugging on (husband) when he was over here, i need to hug you!”

last part of this update spiel (thanks if you’re still reading) just last week he gets a text from his mom asking him to come talk alone this time at her house. he says okay. the next day she thrusts dinner plans onto him for thursday, using his 12 year old sister in the text, and asks what he’d like to eat and to give her a heads up when he heads over. he goes “i never agreed to dinner” and she gets all sad and says she’s worried that he’s going to get lonely not having her and his family around, and that even though (OP) is not concerned about him being lonely, she is, and that he has a family outside of me and his daughter and new baby. and asks him if i am going to put the effort in to fix this mess, and if she can please send me a birthday gift in september (🙄) and where does this all leave her with her grandchildren.

once again he stops replying, at this point i am fully removed from this, i’ve left how he deals with it all up to him, but that me and our children (especially while they are very young) aren’t surrounding ourselves with this toxicity in any foreseeable future. he agrees, and chooses his go to- avoidance. i get it she’s obnoxious.

so the next day she texts him with her latest new excuse. mind you, him and her have had a strained relationship that FAR predates me entering his life at 15-16 years old, his little sister as you guys may know from my previous posts is a heavily neglected ipad kid who is depressed and seeking therapy and her mom blames (also like my husband) her lack of father (different dad). he has brought up autism for years now, she doesn’t speak like borderline mute, and she’s severely depressed and may i reiterate- heavily neglected. this context is important for this new personal behavioral excuse from MIL.

diabetes hasn’t reeled him back in, menopause to blame hasn’t, now she claims his little sister may have autism as brought up by her counselor at school and she “doesn’t know how i didn’t think of it before!” (he himself has gotten into arguments about it with her due to her lack of concern so that’s another lie) and the very last thing she left him with is “i wonder if i also have autism. because i apparently forget how i treat people and the things i say, and i do inappropriate things. what are your thoughts on that?”

you have a personality disorder you belligerent dunce.

he has yet to respond, and i don’t give a shit if that’s how he decides to proceed from here on. i’m quiet now, and i will not be coming back around. i know where i stand, he fully has the right to maintain relationships with his family however he sees fit, so long as it doesn’t negatively impact our children.