Hey Reddit,
I (M23) have been doing an internship for the past 5 months in a French company. Since I’m considered to be on a work trip, the company rented a flat for me, which I share with a colleague (M45) who also happens to be my supervisor.
It took me a while to adjust to living with him. He’s constantly negative and super judgmental. But at least he seemed honest and not the kind of guy to stab you in the back. Over time, I got used to him and we actually started getting along.
Recently, he started seeing someone, which noticeably improved his mood. I thought that was a good thing… until last night.
I came back from the weekend and greeted him with a casual:
“Hey, did you have a good weekend?”
He said:
“Yeeeep”
Then, he sent me a WhatsApp “view-once” photo. I opened it without thinking only to find an explicit nude photo of his girlfriend. I was stunned. I told him it was completely inappropriate. He just brushed it off and said:
“It’s nothing, it’s view-once.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just kept quiet. But I spent the entire evening feeling deeply uncomfortable. First of all, I never asked to receive something like that and more importantly, I’m pretty sure his girlfriend didn’t consent to having her photo shared like this.
Since then, I can’t look at him the same way. He disgusts me. I feel irritated just being around him. But I’m stuck: I live with him, I work with him, he’s technically my superior. And yet, I just want to get away from him.
I’m really at a loss. What would you do in my shoes?
Thanks for reading.
Edit: My internship ends in 3 weeks. Thanks for all the advice. I’ll go through it properly when I have some time.
Comments
I would look for other work and raise a grievance with your supervisor’s boss.
That was a massive breach of boundaries and possibly of consent. Document everything, report it discreetly to HR or your university, and get out of that toxic living setup before it wrecks your peace and professional future.
French guy here. This is totally inappropriate, on many levels. I really want to shout out here that being in France changes absolutely nothing with respect to workplace expectations. If anything, employees (including interns) are MORE protected here in France than many other places.
Well shit, I would go out for a drink or beer and ponder on it. He was probably drunk himself. Considering you guys love together is interesting. It’s really on you how much you wanna drag out this process now. You should chop it up with him, be blunt about it. Or if anything you know where the higher up command or HR is.
Offering a very alternative opinion.
IF this is the biggest thing that is making you feel completely lost.. than you have a pretty decent life.
I think you’re overreacting, and honestly, you sound like the negative judgemental one. Probably too broke to afford living on your own in the first place.
Well first things first, you need to find somewhere else to live. Sounds like you’re not a good fit.
If you can and you like your job, then that’s probably the best bet. You can’t raise a grievance against your boss who you live with.
The world is inappropriate at times, you probably see your supervisor in all sorts of situations that you wouldn’t normally by living with him.
I think thats the situation you jeed to resolve.
But that’s what the view once is for.
What I would honestly do in your shoes is probably nothing. But that says a lot more about me than you. This was probably a breach of consent on his part, and he definitely misjudged your relationship
Go straight to HR. Such behavior is not only unethical, but illegal and it’s violating your rights as an intern and hers as a woman. Your silence is his comfort zone.
Should be giving him a high-five. wtf.
Stay away from him
Trash people doing trash things
Suck it up, buttercup
Contact HR because he crossed a line sending a work colleague that, and take it to the police, he’s distributing pornography without the consent of his girlfriend.
I’m 33, and men showing each other nudes of attractive women they’ve been with has been very common throughout my life. It’s just people’s way of bragging, or trying to be one of the guys and fit in. Or they’re proud of it. Not saying it’s right, but just saying maybe it’s not worth causing a big fuss over. Just let him know, say “hey man, please don’t send me stuff like that again, I didn’t feel right about it”. And leave it at that. Then just carry on as normal. And he most likely won’t send you anything like that.
Heads up OP
I think if I was in your shoes, I would silently Report it and ask the HR to organize a new flat for you.
I would ask them not to make it a topic and not talking to him, because according to your description, he seems like someone who also would totally try to bully and punish you.
Also it’s not about giving him a lesson or a hard time, it’s just about protecting your peace and mental health 🙏🏽
Good luck to you
Tell the GF, she’ll fix the issue for you.
This guy has betrayed his girlfriend’s trust, and abused his position of authority in respect of you. As for what to do, you have no proof, so I guess it’s a case of how much you are willing to risk in terms of blowback from pissing him off when HR don’t have evidence to act on in order to do the right thing / see if they will accommodate you elsewhere.
Take him for a drink and explain all of this to him and that you feel massively uncomfortable with him now. Say to him if it was a mistake that he regrets you can move past it and if not then you’ll need to raise a grievance. Tell him that as your supervisor you expect him to be trustworthy and he shattered that
You are 23. Leave and find something else.
If this freaks you out, life is going to be very very difficult…….
It’s inappropriate, but don’t you think you are overreacting a bit?
He just brushed it off and said: “It’s nothing, it’s view-once.”
* punch him in his stupid face *
You just brush it off and say: “It’s nothin, it’s punch-once.”