I am a 26 year old gay man living in the Midwest. I’ve been here for 8 years, since I went to college in this city, and have lived in the same geographic area for most of my life. Last year I got out of a bad relationship that lasted 5 years and 2 years too long. I wanted to move after college and was waiting for my previous partner to get on board but he was a bum. It’s been hard figuring out where to go next, knowing that it’s all on me now.
I didn’t think I’d be serious about anyone until early this year when I met this 20 year old man who is currently in college. I feel a little ashamed but I’m very enamored by him. I know the obvious explanation is that I see myself/my previous partner in him, before we got into our doomed relationship. But he’s very different from me, or any of the men I’ve met in a while. I’m fascinated by his temperament, his quiet romanticism, and his sense of taste. He’s awkward but it’s nice to have him around. We also don’t really have sex (which is fine by me). While I don’t see anything inherently wrong with an age gap, I know it’s not ordinary and it presents issues.
I’ve been upfront with him that formal dating probably won’t work while we are in different stages of our lives. I was hoping to have a fulfilling relationship while I’m still here and he’s still in school for 2 more years. I realize this is tough to ask of anyone and he needs a kind of commitment. Recently things have gotten a little colder. Since he came back from vacation there’s been some tension and after talking I know this is why. I completely understand his position.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him but i fear that may be what’s best for both of us. It’s not like I have anywhere dead-set as to where I’m moving yet, because I have to find a job and see where that takes me. I might move south to be closer to my family. I’ve been struggling with feeling like I’m at the end of the line in this city. It’s hard to explain why I want to leave to this young man, but I feel myself getting older and I feel like it’s time I make decisions for my own life.
Is it too much to ask for a temporary arrangement – one that does include commitment and monogamy? I don’t like anyone else this much and this connection makes life feel more colorful. And I know if things don’t work out now, life is still long (sort of). Should I bite the bullet of staying? Or just end it?
TLDR: I’ve lived in the Midwest way too long and at the wrong time I met a wonderful 20 yr old who needs commitment. I would/want to commit but know I have to move forward in my own life. Is temporary dating a thing? Is this all not worth it?