TL;DR

Together one year (friends for five). Same country but several hours apart, so visits require planning.
He ended things out of the blue on Wednesday, saying daily calls felt obligatory and he’s stretched thin (gym, work, friends, family drama).The very next evening he apologized, said he still loves me and wants to try again, but needs space and might cancel the visit we planned in later this month (our first in 6 weeks) before a four-week vacation. If he skips it, we likely won’t see each other until after my exam period in September, meaning almost three months apart. I’m hurt and distrustful yet desperately need one in-person weekend to start rebuilding. I am not sure how to even communicate this need to him without exerting pressure on him.

Background

• Me (26 F): Moved to a new country last year for a master’s. I live alone and am adjusting to my new life here while slowly building a local friend group and learning the language.
• Him (26 M): Works full-time several hours away. Also lives alone and juggles the usual chores. Ongoing family turmoil and mental-health struggles; active gym routine and a supportive social circle.
• Friendship history: Online friends for five years, each other’s main support long before dating.
• Relationship: One year official. Till recently we video-called most evenings (his initiative too) and visited every couple of months.

The breakup & “take-back”

• Wednesday: He says he feels inadequate, calls are a chore, and he has no time for himself. A recent pregnancy scare made him fear he’d have to “parent me and the child.” Says he can’t trust me to be an equal partner (Ouch)
• Thursday: He calls back, apologizes, says the breakup was a panic reaction, still loves me, but needs space.
• Sunday: Repeats he’s mentally drained and might cancel our planned visit before his August vacation.
• Complication: I’ll be deep in exams when he returns, so the next realistic visit could be late September.

My side

• I never demanded daily hour-long calls, just consistent connection. We don’t text all the time, we send each other things through social media sometimes but the calls were our primary communication throughout the day.
• If he ever says he’s busy or doesn’t feel like talking, I step back immediately and give him space.
• The “parenting” remark stings: I manage my own life, studies, finances, chores just like any adult living alone.
• We simply have different coping patterns, and I’ve never judged him for how he handles his baggage (because who doesn’t have baggage?) but I felt like he judged mine as weakness.
• Wednesday’s breakup shattered my trust. I’m now numb, anxious, and afraid he’ll bail whenever things get hard.
• One weekend together now feels essential to start repairing before an even longer gap.

What I’d like

1. A weekend together before his trip, to reconnect face-to-face and rebuild trust.
2. A clear contact plan while he’s away (even if it’s less frequent).
3. Proof he’s working on coping skills and communication skills so future stress doesn’t equal instant breakup.

The dilemma

• Asking for the visit seems reasonable, but I fear it reinforces his “you’re dependent” narrative.
• Staying silent means nearly three months apart and me stewing in distrust.
• I empathize with his stress, yet I can’t rebuild on words alone.

Am I asking for too much if I ask him to visit me before he leaves for his vacation? How can I phrase it as an invitation, not an ultimatum, given he feels overwhelmed? How often do long distance couples even communicate?