A month and a half ago I (32M) started talking to a guy I met on Reddit. To be honest, the conversation started because we had some kinks in common, but as we continued talking we realized we had a lot more in common, it’s actually uncanny how similar we are. We live in different countries, but for over a month we talked every day, multiple times a day. Saying good morning to each other, talking occasionally throughout the day, and usually talking before bed.
Aside from the occasional dirty talk, I was genuinely excited that I felt like I was making a new friend. I wasn’t falling in love with the guy or anything, but I was definitely getting emotionally invested in what I felt like was a real growing friendship. Whenever I talked about feeling like we were becoming actual friends, he agreed. It was casual, fun, and exciting.
I don’t have a lot of friends, so I quickly became invested in this new relationship. I shared a lot about myself, and he shared some about him. It was a little lopsided but I didn’t mind, I felt like we had time to get to know each other. I even shared a story with him about how I recently ended a long term friendship because my friend became emotionally abusive and manipulative, and how I was still healing from that. He had a similar story that he shared with me.
Fast forward to these last two weeks. He got really busy with work, 12 hour shifts for multiple days in a row. The conversations became less frequent, and when they did happen they were notably shorter and one sided. I knew he was busy and tired so I didn’t think much about it. After a few days of this I really felt something was off so I asked. The exchange went like this:
Me: Hey man, just checking in. Obviously things feel a little different lately. I know you’re slammed, just can’t help but wonder if you’re also intentionally taking space. Either way is cool, just had to ask instead of wondering. I enjoy chatting with you, both as friends and otherwise.
Him: Hey! Thanks for checking in. Definitely not intentionally taking space. Just slammed during the day with work. Def don’t read into it. I know easier said than done, lol. Also enjoy our convos.
Next few days it got worse. Our conversations would last just a few minutes and always end abruptly with him not responding until 24 hours later. 3 days ago it happened again, but this time I just never heard back. I let it sit for 2 full days before I said “Hey man…It’s been a couple days, what’s happening?”. Today, he hasn’t even read my messages for the last 72 hours. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a long time, but to go from talking daily to this sends a pretty clear message.
I’ve been stressed about this for over a week. It feels like the wounds I had from my previous abusive friendship are torn open. This makes me want to just curl up and never try to make a new friend again. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say
I feel mad at him for ghosting me. Mad at myself for getting so emotionally invested so quickly.
I feel stupid for sharing so much of myself with this guy.
I feel sad that this potential friendship is apparently over and I don’t even know why.
I don’t have anyone in my life I can talk to about this. What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? What do I do now?
TLDR; Became quickly emotionally invested in a new long-distance friendship, only to be entirely ghosted a month and a half later.