My husband and I have been married for 13 years, together for 21 with two kids. I feel MIL has not liked me from day dot. It started out with her mispronouncing my name for the first two years. She would bring up husband’s ex at least once every time we saw her for quite a few years. That didn’t start the relationship between her and I off on a good start. So, when I realized she still had pictures up of the ex in her house and that she was still friends with her- which is fine, I just knew from that point we were never going to be close. Fast forward to announcing we are having our first child and right away asks the both of us if she could be in the delivery room. Of course I told her that it’s not up to the both of us it’s up to me and I told her I didn’t want anybody in the delivery room. She didn’t like that. My aunt threw me a baby shower. When everyone was leaving the shower MIL was saying goodbye to my cousin and then straight up said to me, “ your cousin is so sweet and kind, what happened to you.” Who the fuck says those things- a MIL that doesn’t like you- I guess. Went out to a restaurant with her and her husband and when we were saying goodbye she said, “ you smell good. What are you wearing- whore perfume.” What the actual fuck? After we had our second child my husband and I both agreed we didn’t want anymore kids so my husband decided to get a vasectomy. Told his mom a couple of weeks after the procedure and she asked him why he didn’t come to her first? What??? When my daughter was six months old we went to visit the MIL at her cabin in the woods. She owns a few quads. When we arrived she asked if she could take six month old daughter on a ride in the quad. I told her no right away. 10 minutes later when I was away unpacking luggage, I see her driving the quad and holding my daughter. I was livid. I actually couldn’t believe that she would do that with a baby. And my husband let her. I confronted her and she said she didn’t hear me tell her no. I told her no straight to her face.
There has been so much damage done to the relationship from the very beginning. Never an apology for anything, just excuses. I didn’t say that or mean it that way. I had a neighbor and used to get her name wrong all the time- just a habit. She said she could throw stones too but thinks she is better than that. Please- I have actually never said or done a rude thing to her up until this year when I flipped her off after she was trying to get a rise out of me. She has a key fob with a key unattached that you can insert and take out of the fob. She was having a hard time getting the key out and I told her I could help. She looks at me and says, “ewww, gross I don’t want you touching my keys.” She went on and said that thrice. I was a little embarrassed and weirded out so I flipped her off. A month later she brought up me flipping her off and I told her why (like she doesn’t know). She lied and said she didn’t say that- bullshit. So weird to lie but she doesn’t like taking accountability. I apologized for flipping her off, she never apologized for her role in the situation. Fast forward to another month after that incident and she is trying to call my phone, I don’t answer because I’m not sure what to say or how to bring up that I’m pissed. She lies and doesn’t take accountability for anything. What’s the point ? My husband let her know that we all need to have a talk. She acts confused and asks why. Her response is,” she’s too sensitive. I didn’t do anything wrong.” She told my husband that she’s done and says, “guess I’m not going to see the grandkids anymore.” Lady- grandkids are 18 and 14- they are old enough to bond with you themselves. You’re old enough as well. It was never my responsibility to give you a bond with the grandkids it’s your son’s responsibility.
I spoke up in the beginning but stayed silent for the last decade for the sake of my marriage. I told my husband that I’m also done dealing with his mom and that how she reacted to me speaking up for myself was the last straw for me. Her reaction tells me what I need to know- she doesn’t care about me.
How does this shit not ruin a marriage? I feel like that’s all my husband and I talk about lately. Ugh.
Any thoughts/ opinions???
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I’m botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
^(To be notified as soon as CheriMarie3 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe CheriMarie3 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
Whore perfume? She is insane. I wouldn’t care about my husband’s opinion. Put your foot down and hard. Remember do not have a long conversation. A simple – ‘I have nothing to do with her’ and then silence. And consequences if he doesn’t get it. Because his clearly unhinged mom is his responsibility. This has gone on because you have been too nice, too accommodating and that must end now.
She’s never going to change. Stop engaging, drop the rope, and let your husband handle her. If he won’t, then you’ve got a husband problem, not just a MIL problem.
You have a massive husband problem. You told your MIL that she may not take your 6-month-old infant for a ride on a quad. Nobody with a shred of common sense would even make such an ask, nonetheless question it. But your husband let her do it anyway. Not only did he fail you as a partner, he failed your child. He was willing to risk your baby getting a brain injury or dying to avoid conflict with his mother. He was not being a good father.
Holy cow she’s HORRIBLE! Unfortunately, she’s not your main problem, your husband is. I would have walked if my husband had allowed his mom to say/do half the stuff yours did. I cant imagine how much resentment you must feel towards him for not protecting you and y’all’s kids over the years from such a horrible person. Have you ever discussed y’all doing a temporary separation so you no longer have to have any contact with her? I actually left my husband for 3/4 months while we were dating because of how horrible his mommy was towards me and he never corrected her! Talk about getting an immediate reaction out him! I’d taken it for so long from her that I honestly believe he was ok with the status quo so he wouldn’t have to ruffle her feathers! SCREW THAT!
We’ve still had problems with her over the years because my DH can’t always recognize when she’s manipulating him. It’s really sad but she’s much better at staying in her lane because she’s scared I’ll have him cut her completely off! I haven’t spoke to her in almost 3 years. Best thing we did is move 10.5 hours away from her! She has never been in our home and never will be. I told her before we got married that after all the disrespect I had to endure in her home, she’d never be welcome in mine. Protect your peace however you can! Therapy really helps to give these men the tools to start creating strong boundaries with these crazy women!