(Throwaway Account btw)
I am 14f and my boyfriend is the same age as me, we have been dating for 5 months now and things were relatively wholesome in our relationship until about 3 months in. I started giving him hand jobs bc I knew he would enjoy it and I am so scared of losing him and would do anything to make him happy, I let him do whatever he wants to me basically. Recently I gave him a handjob and I made him cum, I wasn’t intending to but ever since he has been really wanted sex. I am not ready, I don’t even feel ready for handjobs I like that it makes him happy but I would much prefer if we could just cuddle and kiss. Last week I gave him a blowjob which I really did not want to do but did it to make him happy and I let him do it to me to and he has been getting naked and undressing me and rubbing against me I know I should have just told him that I don’t want to, but his argument is that I initiated it but all I really want to do is make him happy. I told him I am not ready for sex, but not he wants to do everything other than that.
I feel like after I’ve let him do these things he’s been becoming more distant and just wants me for pleasure, he tells me he loves me and we sometimes have our wholesome moments but I feel like he doesn’t love me in the same way I love him. For example it’s a small thing but just an example, he used to always react and watch every instagram reel I sent him but now he never watches any.
Please help I love him but this situation is making me feel worse and worse especially considering he has mental issues and has a very traumatic childhood and still goes through traumatic events and I am like his escape.
Comments
Read your post and ask yourself if that’s really somebody you want to be with at your age. If you are not comfortable you do NOT have to give him anything, even handjobs.
if you’re not ready for it, and you feel like you’re pressured into it, you need to realize that he is not the right person. tell him that you don’t want to do anything sexual anymore, other than kissing, and if he complains, then you should end the relationship. you’re young, you don’t want to do something that you’ll regret.
Hey there will be more guys in your life and better ones. You dont have to do these things. Enjoy being a teenager and making friends and experience life. When you older and not feel pressured it will feel better.
My advice is to say no to everything you’re not ready for. If you don’t want it, it shouldn’t happen. That goes for anything, even handjobs, even undressing you, even if his childhood is traumatic. Of course you want to make him happy, but if he’s not happy without sex then he won’t like you any more with it either. Is he deliberately cuddling and kissing you extra because he wants to make you happy? It sounds like no.
The problems like not watching the instagram reels you send will only get worse the more you do. Some men, especially at 14, will only become more and more distant and the wholesome moments will become less and less frequent.
First off, he’s got childhood trauma. He needs to see a counselor and get help. Please don’t stay in the relationship because you feel bad. Don’t stay because things may get worse. He may use you and leave you. You’re young and if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Those are very responsible and adult things, you both are doing to each other and it can land you both with an unwanted pregnancy. I’m sure you don’t want that. Please think more about yourself and your choices. This isn’t an all for him situation and doing these things just to make him happy or to keep him, shouldn’t be a reason for yourself to pay the consequences. You will regret it if you decide to have sex with him and it’s because you’re not ready. Please don’t settle and just do it because of the pressure. I regretted it when I was your age and I gave into someone, I was with at 14. Boy do I wish I would’ve waited. I was too young. Think about yourself first. You just said you didn’t want to do the things, you’ve done to him already. That right there, shows you want more time just being you and getting to know him better. If he doesn’t want that and just wants the other, there’s no need to be with him.
You feel uncomfortable so you stop. You don’t have to do anything for him or anyone to make them happy. If someone says they love you they wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable ever. Even at the expense of their own “happiness”. Tell him that you’re uncomfortable and want to stop. If he “loves” you he won’t(shouldn’t) have any problem.
Please remember: no one who truly cares for you will pressure you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Love is respect, not coercion.
Wow. I need you to listen to this message and really listen. Sweetheart, this isn’t love. This is fear. And it’s not your job to fix him by breaking yourself.
You’re 14. You’re supposed to be learning what it means to feel safe, happy, and cherished in a relationship – not swallowing your discomfort to make someone else feel better. What’s happening right now is wrong. Full stop.
Let’s be very real:
• You didn’t “initiate” anything. You were scared he’d leave. That’s not consent — that’s coercion.
• You said you didn’t even want to give him a handjob or a blowjob. And yet you did – not because you felt ready, but because you were terrified of losing him.
• Now he’s getting bolder. Rubbing up on you.
Undressing you. Pushing and pushing. You keep hoping for cuddles – and he keeps reaching for more sex.
You are not his sex toy. You are not his therapist. You are not his emotional rehab center. You’re a kid trying desperately to be loved — and he’s using that to get what he wants.
Let me say something loud and clear:
Just because you didn’t scream “NO” doesn’t mean it was okay.
Just because you were scared to lose him doesn’t mean you said yes.
You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel loved. You deserve to feel ready.
And the truth? You are not ready. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is that you keep being pushed into going further, further, further while your soul is screaming, “I just want to cuddle.”
That is a sign. That’s your inner voice trying to protect you.
So what can you do now?
A parent, a teacher, a school counselor, even a nurse at school. You might feel like you’re
“snitching” or betraying him — but the real betrayal is that he’s hurting you and pretending it’s love.
You need space. You need protection. Don’t be in private places with him – not your house, not his, not anywhere you can’t walk away easily. If he pressures you, leave. Don’t explain. Don’t justify. Just go.
Yes, it’ll hurt. Yes, you’ll cry. But you know what’s worse? Spending months — or years – feeling used, confused, and unloved while you hand over parts of yourself you never wanted to give. You’re already hurting. Don’t stay just to keep bleeding.
You don’t have to handle this alone. Please reach out to someone like:
• A school counselor
• A women’s/teen crisis center
• A helpline (if in the U.S., call or text 1-866-331-9474 or visit loveisrespect.org. – it’s for young people exactly like you)
You are not dirty. You are not weak. You are not stupid.
You’re just a girl who wanted to be loved – and trusted the wrong person to show you how.But you’re allowed to change the story now. You’re allowed to choose yourself. You don’t need to become smaller just to be enough for someone who refuses to love you gently. You are worthy of love that doesn’t require pain.
Bro are you insane you are just 14 why you want to make someone happy with something in which you are uncomfortable. At this age you might think he is your everything and all but as soon as you will become older you will realise that he is just using you and you should not be doing all this you have your whole life don’t do things which will make you regret later
14 years old.. wow. I think at 14 i was outside playing basketball, getting hurt, climbing schools, buildings.. not having or thinking about sex. Ahh how the generations have changed. Use a condom and try to finish school without babies.
Thanks for all the advice I really appreciate it, I understand that I need to have a conversation with him even if it’s difficult, I just didn’t really know how and just feel disgusted with myself for doing stuff like that and I wish I could go back in time and not do it but I can’t. I’m the biggest people pleaser and have had a hard time saying no my whole life even if it is to my expense I am honestly shocked that it even happened, me a few months ago would be horrified(I still am btw) but thanks so much for your guys reassurance and help and it means a lot 💗
If you’re not ready you’re not ready, make it known to him. If he doesn’t respect that, he doesn’t respect you. If he doesn’t respect you, leave him.
14 is VERY young. Wait until marriage or until you’re older at least. Don’t be pressured in to anything you don’t want to do. You have a long life ahead of you. Don’t rush in to things.
You are overreacting and please just let the guy do whatever he wants for the sake of world peace
This is so beyond inappropriate. A teenager shouldn’t be asking adult strangers online for advice about sex, especially with graphic details. This is not okay. If you’re actually a 14 yr old girl, you should be talking to a trusted adult, a counselor, or other teen girls. This seems like something a perverse guy would write in order to tempt other perverse adults. Aren’t you in middle school? Why are you even engaged in sexual activity?
You sound exactly like me at 14.
It’s rough, but unless you tell him no it’s just going to feel worse. And if he pushes after you explicitly say no, then put him in the bin.
It sucks and it’s not easy. But I’ve been there and dragged it out for a year and a half and still have problems sexually now because of it.
Op don’t do anything you feel pressured into or not sure of otherwise it will make you feel worse a you will regret it. If he keeps pressing you end the relationship you are 14 you are young and have a king time to find someone who treats you with respect and respects your boundaries.
Good luck I hope this helps
Never ever ever ever ever everrrr make the mistake of someone using you like that. You’re sooo young for that kind of thing. Never do anything you don’t really want to just to keep someone in your life, if you have to then they are not really THE ONE. Please do not do something that you will regret for the rest of your life. If you do something just to make someone else happy or by being pressured by someone you will never be able to forgive yourself and you’ll be traumatized.
Please please don’t feel pressured into anything. If he truly cared for you, he’d understand.
You guys are 14. Sex isn’t something you are obligated to give him, AGAIN at the age that young.
Remember you might “feel” like you love him now, but it’s best to never regret giving your first time to a guy unwillingly.
Fact is you’re both 14 which is insanely young and you have so much time to experience love and intimacy as you grow further into your teens. You’re discovering you’re not ready for physical intimacy yet, and it sounds to me that he’s discovering the opposite. The harsh reality is it’s not love, you’re into someone for no doubt one of the first times in your life and it feels strong right now. But again, harsh reality you’ll likely have multiple boyfriends / heartbreaks in the years to come (no bad thing!).
If you’re not ready, then don’t be ready. Tell him this and move away from it. It’ll hurt you more than it will if you do something you don’t want to do. He will also get over it, and if he wants to explore intimacy then he needs to do it with someone who is on the same page as him.
You’re not ready you’re not ready. That’s the end of the story. In the history of the world no man is complained about getting blowjobs.
14 years old is wayyt too young to be having sex. Id say drop him if you don’t like it.