Hello! First off, I’m a man (33). An incredibly lucky one who newly (going on 2 months) started dating a gal I’ve known since high school (about 15 years ago; we graduated together). She has a daughter just going into middle school. I’m absolutely wild about the kid; she’s a blast, brilliant, and a ton of fun!
There’s a lot more; and so many specific questions I want to ask… so this:
Any advice for a guy who is absolutely crazy about the girl; absolutely crazy about the child?
Good books? Podcasts? I’m doing alright so far, but I’m serious about this**. And I’ll take all the help I can get.
If I’m honest? Step-dad is my crown jewel, my goal…. I’m really worried about ** (the daughter) though….I want to be in her and her mom’s life; but I’m not her dad. I’ll never be. So I… just don’ t know….
Even thought the bio-dad is… well I won’t take words out of someone’s mouth: “A real piece of shit”…
I hope this made sense to someone. I’ve gotten along this far by just being my goofy self; but … what do I do?!
Comments
First off take a deep breath. Your energy reads as desperate and that’s going to put everyone off if this is how you’re going to behave, even if it’s well intentioned.
Secondly, as it goes for the woman you’re seeing, the absolute best piece of advice I can give you is to focus on active listening and being proactive when it comes to any emotional or physical labour in the relationship. You’re also going to have to learn how to play second fiddle to her child. If you’ve never dated anyone with kids before, that can be a weird one to learn that you will always come behind kiddo’s needs.
Thirdly, for the daughter, she has only known you for 2 months. You are a new addition to her life and the worst thing you can do is come in too hot and try to be someone she may or may not want you to be. Take interest in her interests, allow for natural conversation and don’t try to be dad right now.
As for some good resources, I would recommend reading Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton.