I use to be quite socially active and would make friends easily.
I understand the answer to these questions usually have some form of “it’s impossible”.. “nobody wants to make new friends after 30”, but I’m interested in any suggestions stories.
Due to several factors, I spent my later 20s fairly isolated (thankfully keeping a couple of friends)
Im now 30 and I’m trying to reconnect with old friends and make some new ones.
I’ve managed to reconnect with a few different friends and I’m excited to catch up with them in the coming days/next week. I’m grateful that they are keen to catch up.
I’m going to try volunteering and some group lessons in things to make some new friends too
I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and managed to make good friendships at 30+. I was a professional hermit for the last 5+ years, and my life doesn’t come across as interesting and full of experiences. But I am pretty sociable in the right environments
Thanks for advice
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Im in a bit of a similar situation, neglected many of my highschool/college friendships, still have a friendgroup but many of them are getting kids so they dont always have the same amount of time for activities.
got reacquinted with a girl from my highschool a few months ago, met up a few times, and last week she had a birthdaymeetup, nothing big, 6 people including myself showed up, and having talked to them, they were all in the same boat, life gets busy, many friendships just dwindle organically.
So now weve made a groupchat and we plan on meeting up every so often.
So i dont have many tips to give you, but i do feel like many people would like to rekindle old friendships or acquire new ones, so id say theres no shame on reaching out to the people youve lost touch with. Id wager a sizeable amount of them would like to rekindle those relationships themselves but are a bit anxious to make the first move of reaching out.
Its is harder to plan things with groups of people since everyones life has gotten busier tho, so keep that in mind.
The kids situation seems to really dictate things in the 30+ range. Having young kids under school age makes a lot of men (and women as well) go somewhat dormant/hermit. Raising kids in today’s modern world is hard, with both parents expected to work full time, limited support from parents/grandparents, etc.
When dealing with friendships in 30+ range you are often dealing with parents. What I find is that parents tend to have stronger friendships with other parents who have a similar kids situation, i.e their kids are similar ages – as they can easily relate with each-other, have lots to talk about, and can do things that help keep the kids busy, etc.
If you are a single guy wanting a buddy to watch sports and go to the pub with, it will probably be hard to get a young dad with a 6 month old baby to come along to those things.
It’s doable – I built about two dozen genuine friendships during my 30s. Work (6). Church (6). Gaming (4). Live music (2). Food and travel (2). Dogs (2). They’d all be wedding invites, perhaps two or three would be candidates for the bridal party.
Helps to live somewhere people move to for work or study; means they’re looking for new connections.
Obviously sharing an interest that matters to you (e.g. kids of similar ages) is a key driver.
33 this year, i think I make new friends all the time.
But you have to initiate it.
Start saying yes to the things you don’t want to go to.
Reach out to old friends and let them know you’ve been thinking about them and want to catch up.
(don’t tell them you’re a friendless hermit now, reaching out and saying “im lonely be my friend” is very different to “i’ve missed you”, or “i like you will you be my friend”.
A lot of my friends are younger than me, some are older, most float around my age or a year below.
I live by myself so I make an effort to see at least 2 friends a week. They say seeing a good friend once a week gives you the same level of happiness as a 20k increase in your salary.
I found my current friend groups through pub quiz and martial arts.
I feel like I hung out with my high school friends until my mid 20’s. Then they started getting married, having kids, and becoming super antisocial. I mean, I am sure they are having playdates or going to farmers markets now, or whatever the fuck parents do.
My advice to you is to become a regular somewhere. Any bar or restaurant has regulars. Just start going somewhere until you are absorbed by the social scene there. As long as you aren’t an asshole, people are pretty friendly and accepting usually.
I have done this with a few different places over the years and have made a lot of friends doing so. Have you ever seen cheers? It’s not like they were all friends who started going to a bar together. They were randos who wanted a beer after work and got to know eachother.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a bar either. Have you ever gone to McDonalds right when they open? Seen the group of old guys having breakfast? Some people may think they were old friends, but I figure they were just the guys who liked to show up there at the same time and became friends.
The answer is actually very simple. You need to put in the effort and not put things off. Actually reach out to old friends. Pick up a hobby now. Talk to people who are engaged in the same hobby. Find groups that are into your hobby on social media. Be proactive. Your age doesn’t matter.
There are group activities that can promote friendships if you join the group. Examples: There are many disc golf groups /clubs. It’s a low cost and easy to learn activity that can be done solo and as a part of organized events. Lots of pickleball groups popping up. Sports not your thing – try board game clubs.
Take a look at the Timeleft app. You sign up and it groups you with 5 other randos in your area to have dinner at a nearby restaurant. I’m in a similar situation as you and this has helped expand me socially really well. I’ve done it three times now and am doing a fourth this week!
I was in kinda the same situation. Between the quarantine and then being very busy with my own business, I got pretty secluded aside from hanging out with my core few friends.
After things calmed down with the business, it felt like “how do I go out and make friends again?” And was a bit scary.
But, my key was literally just going out and doing the things that I liked. Playing sports, going to a bar to watch a game, hitting a concert, etc.
Since then I’ve made quite a few friends with very minimal effort aside from just being out in the world and enjoying myself.
Was in the same situation. I had a close friend group in my 20s, but now everyone’s busy with getting married, having kids, or focusing on their careers, and we’ve just kind of slowly drifted apart. I moved back to my hometown after feeling lonely and reconnected with some old friends from high school and college, but I quickly realized that most of the people who stayed here are exactly the same as they were back in high school — and for me, that’s not a good thing. It just doesn’t align with where I see myself going.
I’ve always been good at making new friends but terrible at maintaining friendships — they usually just fizzle out until it’s more like “I used to know that guy.” And honestly, I think most guys do want to make more friends, but no one really wants to take the initiative or put in the effort to maintain those connections.
I signed up at my local community garden and ended up making a close friend there. I highly recommend trying it out! I’ve never met a jerk who helps out at the garden — everyone’s super friendly and most people are also looking to connect with others.”
I think you’re doing what you need to. The biggest thing for me has been remembering that people actually appreciate it when you reach out to catch up; like if you’re ever on the receiving end of that it’s a pretty nice thing. Most people just seem to feel too self conscious to reach out.
I’ve made a couple friends past 30, and it was just coincidence that I had some coworkers that I had a lot in common with, specifically the music we listened to and how much we valued music in our lives (we were also musicians or musician adjacent).
I think the key is being okay with being the person who makes the first move. Invite people to do a thing and see if they bite. One of these good friends is sometimes too aloof. He’ll hint that he’s going have a fire in his backyard, but will fall just sort of asking, “Do you want to come over for a fire?”
For me, personally, I have a problem maintaining more than a few really good friendships at a time. And the more the other person has going on with their life (spouse, kids, etc.) the harder it is to keep a friendship going. I have some friends who I only see once or twice a year, but I make an effort to reach out to them to keep an open line of communication.
38m here. Have resorted to hanging with the younger dudes from work when they do something I’m interested in and vise versa. Anyone my age I know has kids or works far too much.
I try and stay connected but it does get tiring. Life goes on.