Loss suicide addiction and mental illness

always had a complicated relationship with drugs liked them bit too much ever since young am diagnosed bpd aswell but a girl I really tried hard for and felt I treated as good as anyone could but because I’m caught up in a difficult line of “work” (which I have now quit) she left, and I fell into proper bad habits I was sniffing ket every day, I was doing coke on my own in my room lsd weekly shrooms mixing all these together aswell the last time I used was 8 days ago now, I drank a 1000ml 37.5% alcohol and done acid and the out of body experience just showed me i can’t be like this. I’m really trying to stop and hope I carry on