My husband (27) and myself (29) have been together for more than 10 years.. we’ve had a rough relationship.. and up until 3 years ago, did it start becoming the relationship I’ve always wanted.. he’s grown so much.. and has been such an amazing partner and father to our babies.. when we were young, we had a baby and recently decided to have two more babies to complete our little family .. I truly love my husband.. and proud of him for the man he’s become. However recently I’ve noticed a change in my feelings towards him. I guess long story short I feel detached from him. We’ve had very repetitive problems within our relationship.. and although he’s changed.. sometimes the things we would fight about back then.. still come back up now.. and over all I feel tired.. annoyed of being sad.. always thinking that we would break up.. treating each fight as if we were.. feeling heartbroken each time. Hyperventilating each heart break. He’s always been kinda emotionless.. I’ve always been the one to be the “overly emotional one”. And recently the roles have switched completely .. I’ve become distant.. getting easily annoyed by him if he expresses concern as to why I’m being this way. I told him I needed space. I told him I felt exhausted of arguing with him over the same issues in the span of 10 years. Yes he’s gotten better. Way better. A complete 180. But i actually believe a small issue set me off and i just became numb. I told him i no longer cared about our past problems.. but that it wasn’t coming from a place of healing.. but in fact just over it. He explains that he understands.. and that he will give me space. He even wrote a letter and read it to me.. taking accountability of everything that has happened.. he even sobbed while reading it.. and for once… I didn’t even shed a tear. For the first time in 10 years did I ever watch him tear up. Crazy. However I know his apology was genuine. Because of his actions the last 3 years. He’s different.. in a good way. But sometimes falls back into his bad habits. It’s small things… things that shouldn’t lead to me feeling this way. I get it, we are all humans and make mistakes.
I guess my question is..
Why do I feel so detached from him. Why do I get annoyed by him so easily.. I don’t feel the same spark as I once did. I always.. always feared to lose him. Horrified. And now. It’s like I don’t care. Will I go back to the way I felt once? Or will it only go down hill from here? Please help.
Comments
You grieved the relationship so many times that now there’s nothing left to lose. Sometimes the peace after the storm just feels like silence, not love.
Sounds like your being heavily influenced by something. Im not sure it was intentional or not but you only focused on how you feel about his bad habits and you didnt talk about how he feels about your bad habits. If hes that great of a partner and your still feel this way then I think your not disclosing everything or your being influenced. Try dating each other again? Find what you lost? Or lose out on ten yrs of building.
Hmm. Sounds like resentment. I think we pour so much into a relationship, we bypass a lot of the little things. We’re focused on building a family/being a wife/mom, most times we forget about ourselves. Our wants/needs/boundaries. Until we’re drained thennn the little things become valuable. Sounds like you outgrew him a while ago