TL;DR
My gf has been asking about marriage and i dont know what to do since i am not sure and I feel like horrible person for “procrastinating”
Long version:
My girlfriend (30F) and I (27M) have been dating around 1.5 years. As soon as we started dating, we had to switch to long distance (13 hours time difference) and visit each other 2/3 times a year. After around year mark and after meeting her parents, i have been feeling lot of marriage pressure. I feel like we didnt think hard about it when we started dating. To me, I just dont feel ready for a marriage. Sometimes i doubt whether she is a right fit, whether i should explore more, or whether i am contempt. Usually it feels hard to spend time with her over video/text but feels very nice when we are actually together. You know the usual ldr things. From what she says, it sounds like she wants to marry me and asking me to decide soon so that she can move in with me or i go to her. To me, normal couples move in together and then decide if they are right for each other. But in her culture (South Korea) it seems they decide to marry first and then move in which seems very hard for our case. From what i read online, there just seems to be insane pressure for marriage for women over 30+ in South Korea from society and their families and i feel like she is rushing too much. But at the same time I feel like i am wasting her time if i dont decide soon which feels kinda unnatural. How can i resolve this situation? I am now doubting whether i am making excuse to delay making decisions such as “living together first to decide”.
Comments
So many selfish people wanting to waste other peoples time these days. Stop being a dick and make a decision.
Tell her exactly that and stop wasting her time.
1.5 years is almost no time especially if you are having doubts. i have had middle school relationships longer than that… when you find the right one you know for sure that that person you want to be with forever and can see being the mother of your children and growing old with this person. my bf and i have been together for 6.5 years and i don’t feel ready yet even being together for so long. i would recommend not rushing into something like marriage. we have lived together for 5 of these years, and you learn a lot about your partner during this time, things you wouldn’t know if not living together. i would say moving in with each other would be the FIRST big step to take, to see her habits and how she is at home, how she is as a real partner – not only online. it gets a while to know someone deeply and that is a huge decision to make. marriage is easy, but divorce can take years. best of luck!