I (F19) have been arguing a lot with my boyfriend (M21) lately, multiple times a week. Yesterday, however, we had another big fight, not just a small argument, and he even said he was ready to give up, etc. After some time, he apologized but also told me that he would have to return to Vietnam (his home country) in about 1.5 years due to visa issues. He also said that it would be really difficult for him to continue living here—almost impossible without getting married.
I can’t imagine doing long distance, and since I’m in my final school year, with all my exams coming up, and also taking the EMS (test you have to take to be able to pursue medicine studies) this year, I don’t really have the time or energy to constantly argue. Right now, I need someone who can support me, not someone I argue with all the time. Even after graduation, I have more important things to focus on—especially if I pass the EMS and study veterinary medicine.
But when we’re not fighting, he’s really sweet, kind, and treats me well. So I don’t want to break up either. I’ve talked to so many different people, but I’m still extremely undecisive about what to do. He’s my first boyfriend, and I don’t want to lose him, but lately, it’s been really difficult, and if it’s going to end in 1.5 years anyway (we’ve been together for about 7 months), I don’t know if it’s worth putting so much energy into this—especially during such an important time in my life. Deep down i also know breaking up might be better for me but i’m really scared to do so and of the time after so i don’t know how i could muster up the courage to do that or if i should try again and just see him a bit less often and see if the fighting gets better.
I really need help. I don’t know what to do. Do you have an idea of what i could do? What would you do if you were me?
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You’re so young, and have plenty of time to meet other people. Don’t waste your prime years forcing a relationship and a long distance one at that.
It may hurt but let him go and give yourself and him permission to move on.
honestly, it’s up to a personal preference about long distance and if you both are willing to make it work. i know personally how emotionally taxing pursing a career in healthcare is, and i feel like you may be better off enjoying the time you have together now and breaking it off before he has to leave. your education should always come first and there will be many other people who will be able to support you in the way you need. take this advice with a grain of salt though
It sounds harsh but it sounds like you need to break up, a relationship shouldn’t be volatile and you should feel lifted up not burdened, maybe he is sweet sometimes but going back and forth between sweet and argumentative isn’t good for either of you emotionally. Long distance is hard even for couples who dont argue all the time, I’ve been through it and breaking up with him was the best decision I’ve made.
What seems to be happening here is he is using emotional blackmail to manoeuvre you into suggesting you get married in the next year so he can get a visa. Don’t do that. A relationship isn’t supposed to be all fights. Break up and watch him panic.
You’re both very young and this is still a new relationship. Right now your focus is on your education, and that’s a good thing, since it will set you up for future success. What exactly scares you about breaking up and afterward? What are you getting out of this relationship right now that makes the frequent arguments worthwhile?
Yeah do it. Fuck long distance.