I think the idea that love needs time to develop is pure BS. In the time one takes to love someone (romantically) could be the time one takes to actually pursue that interest, and get to know the person in every aspect of their being.
Why do I need to wait months, year, to get in a relationship, if it can happen in just a week and be as healthy as a slow and steady one? After all, I’ve seen relationships start after months of talking, and still end up ending in some abrupt manner. Why not use all the time that you spent doing shallow and forgettable things like going to dates, doing things platonically, and use it to actually know if someone is love-compatible with you, so you can move on faster if they aren’t?
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There is a literal industry based on this idea I don’t think this is unpopular.
Honestly this is the most unpopular opinion I’ve ever heard. You do not have to wait months or even a year to talk and then get into a relationship. You can get into a relationship within days or even the first day.
Do people really wait months or even a year before getting into a relationship?
What activities count as checking if someone is love compatible with you? And why can’t you do this on dates?
The idea is that in the beginning of meeting someone that you’re interested in, you’re infatuated and can’t make proper judgements due to it being clouded. People think that waiting for that infatuation phase to leave will show if you actually love the person or not.
I kinda agree with what you’re saying I don’t think you have to wait to be in a relationship but I do think love takes time because love is a choice made in hard times not a feeling in good times imo
I don’t think they mean it takes months to love. They mean it takes 2 years, even longer to truly know someone. Even at 2 years they can be hiding their true self. There’s a lot of actors out there and love bombing exists for a reason. You can never be too careful even if your head over heels in love. This is why you should take your time.
I married my husband six weeks after we had our first date. Years later, we are happier than ever! Best chance I ever took.
You are free to choose di date however you want, as long as you are aware of the risks.
Love doesn’t need to be slow, in fact 50-60 years ago people frequently married after 6-12 months, and for a lot of them it worked out well. People ARE changing the way they date to fit with the change in environment.
I recommend the book “Modern Romance”, not a fantasy novel but a really informative book that in a comedic way explains research on the cultural shifts, good and bad of dating today.
Key take aways:
People today have access to a lot more choices, it takes longer to settle down because they know they can find someone better.
Worse economy so people can’t afford to waste time in a bad relationship. They are less focused on love and more focused on economic survival and education.
Hook up culture, which ironically is actually a net negative and people dislike it more than the popular opinion would like you to believe.
Less stigma, especially for women, to be single. On average women are more successful and happy when single so naturally we’d need to find the “exception” than settle less happy.
More information on abuse. 44% of women in Canada will experience intimate partner violence. Around 5-10% of men. Similar stats in other countries. Not a bad idea to be cautious, because you don’t know who will turn violent. Sometimes it takes years to show, most often it doesn’t start in the first 6 months.
Soulmate theory being very popular.
Ah to be 19 again
When your love is fast it’s all lust and obsession over a person you don’t really know.
It takes a long time to get to know somebody. If you get that initial crazy lust and they turn out to be your person that is very lucky but as time passes most people realise that their person is not all they are cracked up to be and that they have romanticised them.
It’s about coming to accept a flawed person for who they are and working together to make the relationship succeed.
Love, Limerence, and Infatuation Are All the Same Thing. Just Different Phases
People often treat infatuation, limerence, and love as separate feelings/ideas. But neurochemically, they’re just different expressions of the same underlying system: dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, norepinephrine, etc. Same ingredients, just in different ratios and brain regions over time.
It’s all just the additional process of love.
Infatuation is the spark. Limerence is the obsession. Love is the stable attachment. But they all run on the same reward-bonding circuitry in the brain.
So yeah, love at first sight (or near first sight) is real, at least in the sense that it’s the brain’s reward system lighting up. It’s not deep, earned love, but it’s the same system firing. Just like addiction, it starts fast and grows deeper (or crashes, if it’s unreciprocated).
We don’t “fall into” separate emotions, we move through phases of one.
(Upvoted because it’s unpopular, despite being true)
If you look into attachment theory, a pretty widely accepted model of relationship analysis, studies have shown it takes the average adult TWO years to allow somebody into the position of a fully secure attachment figure.
Most people aren’t going to say don’t date until you’ve gotten to know each other for two years hahaha, certainly not me. Just that real trust and a deeper knowing of a person takes literal time. I’ve known plenty of people that got married in less than 12 months of knowing each other – those marriages all really struggled at some point, some needing counseling or maybe getting divorced. But that’s not me saying people shouldn’t be seeking out love here, nothing’s more important! Just be safe with your heart out there ❤️
Oh no, you see there is no short cuts to earning deep trust— and trust is a crucial, foundational component of ACTUAL love.
There just isn’t a way to cut corners or speed up on this one, unfortunately.
You can definitely have a spark, affection and infatuation fast.
Actual lasting HEALTHY love probably takes more time to develop than the majority of marriages allow— hence the high percentage of failed young marriages.
There is a chance that an infatuation can turn into healthy, lasting love. But forging all of life’s ups and downs, weathering the best and worst times— and most importantly, how someone handles the mundane day to day tedium of life with you— that’s how true love begins to emerge.
I’m very impatient too, as a person, however, relationships are perhaps the one thing that I’ve never jumped into and taken my sweet time. The few relationships I had prior to marriage were quite wonderful, we still have so much love for each other even if it didn’t work out.
Now I’ve been married over ten years and the love has only grown.
Think about it like this— trying to rush it is like cramming for a final exam moments before the test. Sure you can memorize a few buzz words and do your best to scrape by with a passing grade.
But you don’t ever actually understand the material, because that takes time every day over the course of the semester, as well as application in the real world— so you’re not going to do a good job at your job because you have no real, deep understanding of the material.
Something tells me it’s not other people that’s the problem here.
You know what a honeymoon phase is right?