Why do I crave slow-burn love in fiction but expect instant perfection in real life?
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on something that feels kind of contradictory. In my mind, I always thought that when I met “my person,” we’d just know. Everything would be perfect from the start. No arguments, no conflict, no doubts. Just pure alignment, like a king sweeping me off my feet. I assumed real love would feel easy, obvious, and magical from day one.
But then I realized… my favorite love stories — the ones that actually move me — are all enemies-to-lovers or the emotionally guarded guy who slowly becomes obsessed over time. I get bored when the characters fall for each other instantly and everything goes smoothly. I crave the tension, the build-up, the earned intimacy. I like seeing love unfold, deepen, and grow through friction.
So now I’m asking myself:
Why do I expect my real-life relationship to be “perfect” right away, when the type of love I’m most drawn to is the kind that develops over time?
Why do I get scared if things aren’t completely certain and conflict-free in the beginning, even though I know meaningful connection often comes through working through those moments?
Has anyone else experienced this? How do you make peace with love that grows slowly or doesn’t feel like a fairytale at first but has real depth?
Comments
Even in an enemy-to-lovers setup, they have an initial charge between them. They wouldn’t piss each other off so much if they didn’t. And you wouldn’t be able to predict them ending up together on the first few pages. So IMO, those aren’t slow burn love at all, they are hot and feisty, just slow to admit that they have feelings to drag it out 200 pages.