I’m 20 (F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been in a relationship for a year. When we were first together, we were very sexually active. My sex drive was very high. It might’ve been because I hadn’t had sex in a long time so it was exciting having it with him. After a few months, things had died down a bit more. We still had sex most of the time we saw each other. Then, I had a really difficult school semester and during that time we had significantly less sex. After the semester ended, I remember feeling good again about sex but then after that it reached an all time low. I kept telling him that it was probably due to stress but even when summer rolled around and I was off school, I had zero desire to have sex.
For some context, my bf and I have a very healthy relationship. I just feel content not having sex with him. I’ve never seen sex as a necessity in order to have a meaningful relationship. For him though, sex is important in a relationship which I completely understand. He has a very high sex drive.
The sex itself is okay. I’ve always had a hard time finishing during intercourse with anyone. I usually can finish quite fast by myself like in under 10 mins but even then I usually need to watch porn to do so. I still don’t really have the desire to masturbate though. The only times I do is if I’m REALLY bored. He’ll do what he usually did before during foreplay to turn me on but it just doesn’t work anymore. I mean I’m not turned on at all. Sometimes I even feel uncomfortable or like I’m doing something wrong like it’s something I’m not supposed to be doing or he shouldn’t be accessing. I’m also not really religious.
Also to add, he has a larger penis and it’s often that when we have sex it hurts but again, I thought that was “hot” before and didn’t let it bother me too much unless it was too much then I’d ask him to stop.
I’m very attracted to him but idk, I have so many questions running through my head. I feel terrible that he literally gets nothing from me. He’s very understanding about it and makes me feel comfortable but I can tell it bothers him. I’m wondering if this is a phase that’ll pass by or what else I should do to fix this.
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TL;DR: I (20F) used to have a high sex drive with my boyfriend (25M), but after a stressful semester my libido tanked and never came back. I rarely feel desire, even for masturbation, and sex often feels uncomfortable or like something I shouldn’t be doing. I’m still very attracted to him, but he has a high sex drive and I feel guilty that I’m not meeting his needs. He’s supportive, but I can tell it bothers him. Not sure if this is just a phase or if I should be looking deeper into what’s going on.
Comments
Are you on birth control?
When I was on bc it was a higher dose of progesterone and was basically a zombie for most of my 20’s.
Sounds like you’re incompatible. You two should find people who match your energy better. Sex may not be important to you in a relationship, but sexual compatibility is important in every relationship.
I suggest talking to a sex therapist. It seems that at the beginning, you were completely comfortable with intercourse, but something may have changed psychologically since then. The more you think of it, the more anxious you’ll become, and the last thing you want is to associate sexual intercourse with anxiety.