For the females who have been married for a really long time have you ever experienced your partner being lustful over other people, if so how did you get by it?
For the females who have been married for a really long time have you ever experienced your partner being lustful over other people, if so how did you get by it?
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FYI calling women “females” is a red flag and usually points to the person saying it being misogynistic.
FYI calling women “females” is a red flag and usually points to the person saying it being misogynistic.
I am in my 33rd year of marriage. My husband has experienced lust toward others during that time. The question is, what did/does he do in response? To date, he has not pursued someone else, so I’m good. I did recognize that this happened more with someone who had long hair, so I keep my hair long to help him more easily refocus sexual energy on me.
Obsessing about what is going on in someone else’s head/heart is not something I waste time with; I only focus on behavior.
Lust is every man’s battle. To deny it is being ignorant. Honest conversations and support helps couples defend against infidelity.
Yes, my ex was a complete asshat with that. Very disrespectful behavior. To my knowledge, he never exactly inserted his penis into anyone else’s mouth or vagina, but he was extremely inappropriate and disrespectful, even in front of me sometimes. I guess he felt entitled because “he’s a guy” and just can’t help himself. (And for the record, I kept him more than satisfied and am attractive. His behavior wasn’t due to any lack of my being a great wife and attentive partner. I guess that’s what hurt the most).
I divorced his ass. He was never going to change, and I’m so glad I never have to deal with that shit again. I would never dream of treating somebody that way.
51 yo M here. I know you didn’t request a male opinion, but a viewpoint of lust from the male side might be useful here.
One thing I can say about men’s lust is that it’s not due to prehistoric hunter instincts or any of the many rationales that have been created to excuse it. Male lust is usually due to selfishness, a sense of entitlement, and/or laziness, since it’s far easier to seek a quick thrill than invest the time and energy to improve one’s marriage.
Men benefit from the idea that lust is something we can’t control because it excuses us from personal responsibility while letting us consider ourselves good people. The negative comments and downvotes the original post received are likely from men who don’t want this to be questioned, since the rationales we use don’t hold up to scrutiny.
It depends on what you mean by lustful.
In a long marriage your partner will undoubtedly meet someone to whom they are attracted. It depends what you do about it and different couples may have different tolerances for discussion about it.
There are a lot of posts on Reddit in the relationship forum where people are saying what I think are jerky things to their partners and I have to question their motives. Is it cluelessness? Most often it’s dumb 20 somethings that sound too immature to be married. What possible good could come from telling your spouse that she could be “hot” if she had a boob job or looked like this instagram model? I think that’s disrespectful.
Generally my feelings are: keep your mouth shut, focus on your spouse’s good qualities and handle your business. If you are feeling attracted to someone you work with and you are married and you respect your vows, distance yourself and act accordingly. Don’t babble on to your spouse about how hot you think someone is. Have some class and respect.
Let me answer your question with a couple questions. Firstly, what is worrying you about this? People think other people are attractive all the time. Is there something else going on in your relationship that makes you worried him thinking someone else is attractive means something more? How’s the emotional foundation of your relationship? What bad patterns are either of you (or the two of you together) avoiding or working on right now?
I love my husband of 40 plus years so much. If he had the opportunity to feel that way, that is just one opportunity for him to feel alive and human. I would be (and I am) happy for him. Feeling lust is human and normal. I have felt it too. Being able to talk about it is one reason that we still feel it for each other.
Not a female, but the way my wife and I handle our extra marital attractions is to acknowledge them, talk about them openly, and move on. Light is a disinfectant, meaning secrets fester into affairs.
My husband and I are ethically non monogamous. He can lust after whomever he wants and so can I.
Well, in the biggest instance it lead to us getting into a triad relationship with the woman he liked. Would very much not recommend.