In the last few days, I’ve felt something not quite right with gf. She just blamed stresses going on in her life.
This afternoon we went for a swim and when we got back she hopped into the shower after me. When i went into the room i noticed left her phone unlocked on the bed. For the first time in my life i looked through someone’s phone and read the messages.
She’s been graphic sexting her boss for months and months. photos and videos Between them. Shes been doing all the chasing from the start.
Although he has sexed back with video and facetime, he has stopped short of any actual sex because he “is her boss and it would be a problem if anyone found out”. Still, she is basically begging him for sex all the time. Only on messages outside of work.
Anyway, I found out this afternoon. I haven’t told her i know. Haven’t been able to sleep at all. I just blamed it on being ill.
I can’t actually bear her lying next to me right now.
But we’re away on short weekend break, and I can’t wait to get home.
We have no kids.
[Note: We have sex often.]
He is an older man. It may be his wild dress sense or some power fantasy or something, but from reading the messages, i feel the thing she is no longer mentally stimulated by me.
she’s put on weight. I still compliment her looks, but I’m guessing she doesn’t feel sexy. looking through the messages, he calls her sexy a lot. On her naked photos, at least.
Im slightly younger than her too, so maybe she’s finding me immature now? She doesn’t say it though. We never row or have big arguments.
My head is scrambled. I just want sleep .
.[edited grammar]
Update: i finally got 1hr sleep. Couldn’t eat breakfast.
This afternoon started a conversation to see if she would tell me anything, without telling her I know something. She said nothing going on. She is very good at lying, while telling me she’d never be able to get away with lying.
I might wait a few days before telling her what I seen.
Comments
I’ve been here before. It’s best you take a step back, get out of the house first. Calm yourself down. Talk to a trusted person. Once you get some calmness, then deal with it.
Have peace of mind that SHEpaid for rhe trip. So if it doesn’t happen, it’s on her. She did this. And I really hope you don’t end up going om the trip, it’s not going to be good for your wellbeing (especially now since it’s already affecting you physically)
Get copy of the evidence in case shit goes south.
Just end it man. There’s nothing to save. I’d ghost her honestly. Do you live with her?
I’m so sorry man. You don’t deserve that. No one does. Please speak to a trusted friend. Someone that you can trust talk through things with and that will support you.
Its over , minimize your losses
I’m sorry. Don’t blame yourself or start questioning yourself if you were good enough for her etc, it’s not your flaws that led her to cheat. Put up your boundaries and protect your peace by blocking and leaving her.
Enjoy it while it lasts, it’s just your turn to bang her for now.
Take it from someone who is most-likely older than you are, please don’t try to rationalize why she did it. Based on the events you presented, don’t blame yourself for falling short (that’s what she will probably say or make you feel like anyway once caught). Many women these days love attention, any attention – endless attention. You can give her the most attention/compliments in the world, many will just eventually solicit it elsewhere for an endless supply of validation. It’s insecurity & immaturity. Not your problem to resolve, once that trust is broken, move on and don’t look back. High chance it’ll repeat itself. I know it’s tough…..
I don’t have any ground breaking advice but I just wanted to say I’m really sorry this has happened to you. As bad as things may seem right now, you will feel better in time. I think, as the others have said, that you need to walk away. Too much damage has been done and you don’t deserve to be treated this way.
Be strong for youyself and leave. Theres a wonderful girl out there for you, but she isn’t it.
Best of luck & be kind to yourself.
You didn’t just lose trust in her you lost peace of mind, self-respect, and the version of the relationship you thought you were in. It’s not just cheating, it’s psychological damage. You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You’re experiencing betrayal trauma. When you get home, prioritize you. You deserve clarity, closure, and someone who respects your loyalty.
You arent married with kids. Cut her loose. You are a straight male who seems nice a unicorn. You can have any beautiful sweet woman you want. You date to see if you are a match. You arent. Get a new gf. Itll be easy.
Why scramble? It’s clear that she’s the source of your headache and theres only one way to get rid of it ya know
I know snooping is wrong and its a total breach of privacy but also everything happens for a reason. So if it’s guilt and shame that’s weighing on you in that regard I get it. Honestly though push that aside and use the information you have to your advantage. Talk to her and let her know without letting her know. Bring up a hypothetical situation one of your friends is going through see what she says. Express your disgust and also your support for him and counsel yourself at the same time. I know you wanna save face and also might want vindication in the break up but fight that feeling. I know betrayal can make you feel less than and also be ego crushing but you can’t allow that to consume you. It is what it is some women are like this and let the next guy deal with it
She is a cheater and there is nothing to save because if you stay, she will do it again. It is in your best interest to leave her. Take your time, calm your nerves and break up with her while showing no emotions. Crucial that you try and show no emotions. Women hate indifference – it’s not so much to spite her but more to show her you don’t think she is worth your worries! Good luck!
You need to get rid of her, if this is true. Even if it hurts – you don’t want to spend your life and energy and money on someone like this
Few points:
She’s wrong, and she’s awful. If you two had issues, she should have spoken to you about it. Instead, she “sleeping” around behind your back with her boss. She deserves nothing and should be dropped like the dead weight she is.
I saw a friend told you to talk it out, screw that if you were a women you’re friend would tell you to pack it up and run and never look back. I will never understand why women expect men to take the blame and work it out since “she had to have had a reason.” No, she’s a scumbag and you need to leave.
Your mental and physical health should take priority. If you want to confront her, fine, but I’d recommend just ditch and block, and for safety, just post the messages on social media so you can’t be drug through the mud later.
End of day do what’s best for you and gives you peace of mind but never let yourself be used and treated like garbage by scumbag ppl
I’m so sorry this has happened to you dude. Cheaters are fucking scum. Went through something similar with my ex gf of 3 years – she still has the gall to try and blame it on me and play head games after the fact. Leave, run, do not ever look back – this person is scum of the earth and she’ll realise it someday.
please leave her and send all that shit to their HR department. if a guy did this no one would think twice about leaving. you may love her but you have to love yourself more.
Pick your moment, pack a bag or whatever else you need and remove yourself from her life.
It’s not your responsibility to explain why you left – you don’t owe her any kind of explanation and if her feelings are hurt then too damn bad.
She made her choice, you need to make yours.
I’m sorry and sad for you brother.
Staying in the relationship will not benefit you, you will be forever waiting for that glimmer of light or the thought that maybe the fling is over. Which will probably be when she is mad that he hasn’t written back to a text message. You will think something’s changed but in a couple of hours when he does text her back you will get kicked away again.
So you looked through her phone who cares, she has kept all the messages on there for quite some time hasn’t even deleted them that’s pretty low.
Leave her high and dry be brutal. Tell her you have seen everything.
Send us the update when you have left to tell us the reaction
Hi OP- as a woman I can’t imagine how I would feel if my husband or boyfriend did something like this, it doesn’t matter what their twisted reasoning is. I hope you find the courage to leave, you deserve better and you deserve someone who can love you 100%. Please becareful, prioritize your mental well-being & take it easy . Take care
I wish I could give you good news. The bottom line is that she’s looking for a thrill that you can’t supply. Here’s the weird part, it may not have anything to do with her boss exactly, it may simply be the thrill of doing it behind your back.
Had a similar situation quite a few years back. I’d been supportive boyfriend, propped her up when work went south, had her move in with me when she ended up between jobs, etc. It turns out that she simply wasn’t happy unless she was being “pursued” all the time. Like you, I had receipts. They didn’t help.
You’re not married. You don’t have kids together. Therefore you should feel no pressure to “fix” this. You’ll never trust her again. She doesn’t need to know why you are breaking up with her, just tell her you are done.
Please leave, as soon as you can get yourself out the door. She doesn’t respect you and any reason she will try to give you is bullshit and not worth consideration.
Fat girlfriend cheated on you? I think the solution is glaringly obvious
Bounce…
This is a conundrum every young man will reach at some point in their lives and how you deal with it will say a lot about you. Personally, I’ve been here before and I left. In hindsight, I wish I would’ve handled the way I left a little differently. I felt the need to state my feelings on the matter and shame her for the ordeal, only to make the process more drawn out and emotional than it needed to be… with her seeking forgiveness and begging me to stay, and later stalking me online, and me playing into it by posting myself with other women to make her jealous.
My situation was the same as yours, it was her boss and we all worked in the same building but since we kept our relationship quiet at work for the 3 years we were together, I don’t blame her boss because he didn’t know until he was hooked and she was forced to own up to it when she was trying to win me back. I value myself too much to allow that level of disrespect, especially when I had sensed for months that something was up between the two of them and her telling me that I was imagining things and overreacting. Once I actually discovered the truth, I was angry but within 30 seconds a calm came over me. I was relieved because I knew I wasn’t crazy, or overreacting, etc.
I met up with her that night at a Starbucks down the street from her place, let her know that I knew and she tried to lie her way out of it until I confronted her with the words she had wrote to him. Her further lying let me know I didn’t really know the woman I thought I knew. I uncovered more lies over time and even though I would’ve handled some of the things that occurred post breakup a little different, I’m proud that I stood strong and never gave into her pressures to stay. After breaking up with her, I accepted a position as a supervisor at another one of our office buildings, a year later I was promoted again to a middle manager, 2 years later to an office director in charge of an entire building and operation, then eventually promoted to a Senior Advisor working for our Headquarters. All of this has occurred within the 9 years post break-up and the man she was left with, never moved any higher than his supervisor position. In fact, he was demoted because their inappropriate relationship was discovered by upper management.
I used that breakup to fuel my path forward, eventually I met my wife and we have a child together, happily married. My ex ended up staying with the guy, not because he was the option she wanted but because I refused to stay and left her without the ability to choose. My ex had borderline personality disorder (BPD), and while I started to suspect this towards the end our relationship, it was confirmed through an actual diagnosis after our relationship ended. She even tried to use this as excuses for what she did and wanted me to accompany her to therapy sessions so that she could prove to me that she was working on herself. I refused all these attempts and I’m glad I did. The other guy was actually married with 2 children and left his wife to be with her, messed up his career behind the relationship, and even though they ended up together, people who know us all, have told me that she cheats on him regularly.
In hindsight, my only regret about the way the relationship ended is that I wish I would’ve never engaged in the arguments, follow up discussions, and attempts at making her jealous post breakup. If I could go back and do it all over again, after walking out that Starbucks that night, she would’ve been blocked on everything, closed off from all communication forums and I would’ve began my healing process immediately, instead of the slow drag that all of the post breakup mess creates. You have that opportunity now and my advice to you would be to leave and never look back.
Look, I believe the story as you’re telling it.
But can you clarify one thing here? You said here that you don’t have any kids. Is that with her, or in general? Because in your post history, you mentioned that you have kids. I just want clarification.
Other than that, I feel so horrible for what you have to go through.
Her gaining weight does not make it ok. I gained weight and I don’t go looking to other people to get an ego boost. Your girlfriend is just a horrible person. She likely has porn brain like so many who are cracked in the head and that age and think an older man is honestly the answer to their problems. Spoiler it isn’t. But please dump her so she can get her karma. She sounds pathetic that chasing him like that but won’t be the first.
Please keep us posted!
Even if she cries and apologizes still break up with her. This behavior won’t end for years if ever. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life. Find a girl who will text you like that while you’re dating. Not the weirdo trying to fuck her boss. If you stay with her you’ll constantly be wondering who she is with or who she’s texting. Relationships are work but it has to be equally worked upon and she’s made it clear that she’s not interested.
Leave bro. It won’t get better under any scenario
None of this is your fault. Stop looking for reasons why she’s cheating on you.
Cheaters cheat because that’s what they do. It has nothing to do with you.
OP, I just want to say I’m so, so sorry. I know the pain of finding out someone has cheated, and it is just the WORST. Please take care of yourself. ❤️🩹 It’s time to walk away and know that you did nothing wrong. Ultimately, you’ll be able to heal from this faster because you were a good and faithful partner. There will be someone else that will offer the same.
Pack Up and leave if you can … go no contact .. ghost her … if you are able to.
Separate finances asap. Consult with lawyer to see if you live in a “no fault”divorce state.
This is the advice I wish someone had given to me, when I experienced this.
No pick me dance, she made her move, make yours in kind. If she truly loved you, this would not happen. She likes your stability and security.
Have pride and self respect, don’t let the illusion of what she represents cloud your judgement. Take your pain and focus what needs to be done. Grieve later with friends for support.
Sorry … leave your gf
Stop torturing yourself.
Take your evidence and go to her company’s HR. (Preferably anonymously)
Scorched Earth.
Block her.
Live your BEST life.
Dude it’s over. You came here because you need us to tell you what you already know. Dont waste any time unless it’s necessary to protect yourself or help you get your assets and things in check.
Break up asap in the safest way possible. You are not married. You got no kids. It hurts but it could be so much worse.
End that shit. She’ll try to get with the boss because u dumped her. He‘ll probably say nope because it’s a conflict of interest etc. and she’ll come crawling back. Hopefully by that time you have really moved on and can just brush her off.
There’s nothing worth saving. If this happened to me I would never trust her again. You have no kids. It’s best to cut losses and move on amicably. Don’t even tell her what you know. Move in silence and go find your queen
Time to leave.
My advise to these situations is always the same; take care of what you need to take care of to make your life easier, then break up
Caveat being, DONT tell her why you’re breaking up. Find something she’s insecure about and tell her that’s the reason. Because cheaters are scum and deserve to have their spirit crushed
you know what you have to do, report that shit to HR.
I am sorry this is happening though, this kind of stuff really sucks. Do not blame yourself OP
Here’s the deal. Your (ex) girlfriend is actively trying to have sex with her boss. That is flat out cheating. It doesn’t matter what her excuse is, she is cheating on you. There is no coming back from this. In your mind, every time she is late, you will wonder if they are finally having actual sex. Every time she says she is going shopping, you will wonder if they are having sex. That is no way to live. It will slowly eat away at your soul until you are just a shell of the person you used to be. It’s better to be single and focused on your health than have her slowly tearing you down to nothing.
She is letting you know how you should treat her. You need to respect and acknowledge that and treat her appropriately! You are obligated to treat her appropriately if you truly have any self-respect.
Read the sentences again if you didn’t understand it at first.
And I’m sorry, bro. This happened to me at Christmas Eve a couple of years ago.
Didn’t eat for 3 weeks lol
Please get the evidence and then just cut ties and if she reaches out tell her why and leave you alone
she probs knows about your porn addiction
Word of advice from someone who went through a very similar situation. The longer you drag it out and try to make it work the worse it will be for you. You’ll end up losing yourself while trying to find the “new” her. Everytime you look at her you’ll think about it. She will want to be intimate and you won’t be comfortable because your newfound insecurity will make it a living hell. I hope all works out well for you just be smart and keep your chin up.
Why wait. Rip the bandaid off the wound and be done. She is for the streets.
If this stays true to form, she will lie, cry, admit it, then deflect and ask for forgiveness. You ready?
Take her on vacation overseas, got to the beach, say you gotta run back to the room. Grab your stuff, take her passport, money cards and trash it as you check out. Go to the airport, enjoy the vacation you b1tch.
Been there mate. I Ono how it feels, not able to eat not able to sleep and constantly questioning yourself.
You should just confront and get out asap. It’ll be some bad time but you’ll always doubt her. ALWAYS.
It’s better to life a stress free life
Dude good thing you’re not yet married. Get out now. This is your sign to end things already. That’s not normal behavior and stop gaslighting yourself. End it already. Us men don’t have a timeline. You’ll be able to find someone again even after a year or 2. She’s not worth the headache.