People generally always lie to their friends and family sometimes to “spare their feelings” but in reality that’s never the best idea and in my opinion it’s more cruel to do that same with giving people false hope.
People who lie when they go through a break up and say “they’ll come back one day” or if someone had a bad date and the person they went on a date with isn’t texting them back people say “they’re probably just busy” when in reality we can very easily tell that person is not interested.
Same thing goes for anything in life whether if someone asks what they think of their outfit there is a nice way to portray the truth in every situation but yet people lie to spare someone’s feelings.
Same goes with dating people say “it’s not you it’s Me” instead of just saying they’re not interested. If someone was honest it can help that person improve
I think lying to spare someone’s feelings is more cruel than just being truthful.
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Heavily depends on the mental fortitude, emotional state, and maturity of the individual you are lying too. Some people are mature and can grieve properly others can crash out or harm themselves severely or worse.
Time and a place unfortunately. Everyone is different.
There’s an old saying, you shouldn’t lie, but a little bullshit is ok.
Not on relationships, but I hate when I ask for feedback on a piece of music and I get vague positivity. I want criticisms, not pats on the back.
But I now a lot of people do get upset when you give them real feedback.
This isn’t an unpopular opinion I think. Most people won’t actually lie to their friends or withhold information for them
Entirely situational.
Are you lying to spare feelings in a way that leads to a false sense of hope (ie your breakup scenario) or prevents them from making positive changes? Then yeah, I would say I agree.
Small lies to prevent hurting your friends over things that they can not change, or will not affect them in the future? Not sure why I would opt to subject them to undue pain.
This is not unpopular, and telling the truth even if it’s painful is often the best for that person. Also, for your relationship with them.
Good luck having friends if you consistently tell your version of the truth when people aren’t in a place to be hearing it.
Go ahead and tell your friends “obviously he’s not interested” and “of course that outfit looks terrible on you” regularly and report back how much your friends and family like it.
People love to shoot the messenger. Sometimes you say a white lie to spare YOURSELF 😂
This depends on the friend.
If you’re mature enough to handle the conversation the sure. But if you’re the type to get defensive and argumentative and offended, then I’m not wasting my time.
For what? I tell you the hard truth, now you get into a worse mood, and you repeat the same mistakes anyway?
I also think there’s a difference between straight up lying, and trying to guide your friend into not always jumping to the worst possible conclusions every time someone doesn’t text back in 5 seconds.
How good of friends are you and how serious is the lie?
Cause with good friends over serious matters I do agree with you. But little lies are sometimes helpful to boost the confidence of someone or just keep the conversation moving to avoid a tangent.
Everyone lies. Literally everyone lies. You can’t honestly say in this chat that you don’t lie to your friends and family. lol
I agree, however is this really an unpopular opinion
I agree, however is this really an unpopular opinion
Usually it’s so they don’t have to feel uncomfortable. Its easier to BS someone.
In general, I agree. However, I try to avoid speaking/thinking in absolutes. I think there are plenty of valid situations where it’s ok to tell a white lie, and is in everyone’s best interests to do so.
The way I have always looked at friendships has been a good friend lies to you to spare your feelings, a true/great friend tells you when you are in the wrong and is honest.
I think it can depend on both the person and the type of lie. Like, if you know the person hates being lied to in any capacity then don’t. Or if the lie can negatively impact you or your relationship then it definitely shouldn’t be lied about. The examples you gave about dating/relationships were excellent examples of this. Money is another thing that shouldn’t be lied about. However, there can be small things that it doesn’t hurt to lie about.
For example, my partner lies to me about certain things. The two most blatant things I can think of off the top of my head are:
(1) When we went to adopt our first dog, she had two litter mates. I felt horrible guilt that we didn’t get all three. I was having intermittent crying spells because we left those puppies behind. They told me they had called the shelter and that both puppies were adopted by loving families. Did they actually do this? No, probably not but it made me feel better at the time. And now that I can think about it logically, I agree it was both a correct and kind thing to lie to me about.
(2) We found the sweetest dog running around our apartment complex. The dog kept escaping from her owner because they gave a dog that was reactive towards men to a man that wasn’t equipped to care for her. He wasn’t abusive or anything. He just didn’t know how to handle her.
We had her for a month before her owner contacted us. I fell in love with her during that time and was planning on taking her with us when we moved. Her owner, however, wanted her back so we gave her back. He ended up having to give her back to the rescue. Again, I felt horrible guilt (and actually still do) that we didn’t do something to keep her. Again, my partner claimed to call the rescue and said she had been adopted by a good person. Did they? More than likely no. Did it help me to stop grieving her? For the most part, yes. Do I hold it against my partner? Absolutely not.
Under at least some circumstances, the kindest thing you can do is tell a harmless lie.
Mkay… maybe it’s just me but I don’t lie to people about their failing relationships. I’m the friend that’s going, “Just drop him and we’ll find you a better match. I’ll make you a Tinder right now and we’ll go out tonight.”
I also don’t say “it’s not you, it’s me” cuz it’s never me, it’s never been me… it’s always you.
But outfits? Really? Just cuz I don’t like it doesn’t mean a thing. I’m no fashion authority. I’ll tell you if I think you look homeless or color blind, but if the fit is good, do you. Fashion is self expression. We’re not all clean lines and pressed fabric… Also, I know I look fat in this outfit, so no reason to tell me that… I’m fat in every outfit cuz I am fat. That’s how that works. But if someone looks confident and like they feel good in an outfit, doesn’t matter what I think, and that’s what I tell them. “Doesn’t matter what I think, what do YOU think? How do you feel in it? Good? Cool. Then let’s go.”
The biggest lies I tell are to people who are dying… I’m not gonna tell my grandma with stage 4 cancer that she looks like death. Imma brush what’s left of her hair and help her do makeup and tell her she looks fine, if not better than fine, because the woman is gonna die, she may as well not feel like she looks shitty to meet god.
Being truthful can be a twisted form of cruelty. If you’re doing it to help them when they’re not in the mood for it, using it to prove that you’re better than your friend, or just saying like it is makes you an asshole. There’s a time and place for being truthful or lying to spare the feelings. Read the room before using your words when your friends ask your advice. It’s kinder than speaking words that you can’t take back.
I always choose lying. And I hope they lie to me as well.