I am 18M. My girlfrind just called me and firstly she told me she went out for coffee with a boy from her school, then she told me she wasnt okay talking to me about this and wanted some time to thing how she sould say it to me so i can understand. Then she finally told me she went out with her ex. They were out for 3-4 hours and she said to me that the reason for their hangout was that he wanted to give her a flash drive with songs of a singer that performed in our country ( god knows what else was on that flash drive ). I have talked with her before that i really dont like people who go out with their ex’s and i hate this behaviour. She didnt tell me or ask me if I was okay with her going out with her ex. She mentioned that she needed to see him so he could appoligize for his misstakes and so she can drop the past and traumas off her chest. I feel betrayed, my trust is gone. I love her, but i respect myself and i dont know if i should continue this relationship. We have been together for 6 months. I would appriciate your advice. I am lost… What would you do in this situation?
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Even if we assume she really needed to see her ex for closure, she still did it while knowing you would disagree, and even told you she was not comfortable talking about it in the first place, showing she really didn’t care much about your feelings before and after.
Personally i see too many red flags here and i would get away from such a situation, but it’s just what i would do and we can’t decide on your behalf.
Broadly speaking, there is nothing wrong with staying friends with an ex. BUUUT…the problem is she didn’t communicate that with you and let’s be honest – lied to you. You guys are only 18 but you sound way more mature than she is.
You can end the relationship if you want, you haven’t been together for a long time, even when you say you love her, having your own boundaries is just as important.
6 months in? Run!
You really want to know why?
Hmm, I can see how she could feel that this was a private matter. Something from before your time, that you don’t need to worry about. Especially since he apologized and it worked in getting the shit feelings off your girls chest.
So approach her with happiness, tell her you’re really happy for her for getting an apology that meant so much to her. That you can finally put him behind you. But then tell her, I don’t like how you kept this from me. Can you please trust me in this kind of situation in the future? Trust you to not judge or interfere in decisions she’s already made, and instead support her.
Here’s the important part for me:
> she told me she wasnt okay talking to me about this and wanted some time to thing how she sould say it to me so i can understand
She already knows the optics are bad, and based on what you said she knew that going in. The fact is she didn’t care, and spending time with her ex was more important than ensuring the boundaries of your relationship were respected.
> I love her, but i respect myself and i dont know if i should continue this relationship. We have been together for 6 months.
From an old timer whose marriage is counted in decades: it’s only been 6 months. Which isn’t too minimize your feelings, just to put it in perspective because you clearly have more feelings for her than she does for you. Her story is full of attempts to throw enough reasons at you to find one that keeps you around while she waits for her ex to grow up.
It didn’t take 4 hours to give someone a flash drive. And if the reason was the flash drive, what is all this nonsense about needing him to apologize? Which is it? And it doesn’t take 4 hours to say you’re sorry.
Last bit:
> She mentioned that she needed to see him so he could appoligize for his misstakes and so she can drop the past and traumas off her chest.
If she still needs contact with him to feel better about herself then she is definitely not over him. And if she’s not over him then she’s not fully into you.
The sus thing for me about this is that she knew you preferred people who severed ties with their exes. Despite this, she went ahead and spent time with the ex without even notifying you about it. Sounds to me she is giving you a reason to break up with her. Perhaps she is skiddish about doing it herself. To be honest, you are young, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I’d say lose the anchor and set sail for new adventures. You say you love her, I’d wager you love the idea of her. That idea can have a different face and mind behind it. But who am I to tell you what to do. You should go with your gut feeling on this one.
You already know. That ain’t the one brother. She should know too.
duöp her cheating ass
Go band for band. Hook up with your ex. But in all seriousness buddy crazy disrespect I dunno if I’d take that.
Been there. I met a girl that broke up recently with her ex when I was about your age. I didn’t leave even when she went and met him a couple times, hell I even waited for her at her place until she finished the hang out. This relationship broke me. It never worked, it was always toxic and it has taken me years to recover.please do yourself a favor a stay as far as you can from that girl.
She’s not over the ex and will likely end up sleeping with him again if she hasn’t already. All that “closure” nonsense is for the birds. If she were really satisfied in her relationship with you, she wouldn’t need any closure with her ex. Get the hell out of there dude.
Time for a new gf, the one you have now is trash
I kind of see it like this. If she told you, you would have said “no” and ignoring her need/want for closure. She has a right to get closure, you don’t have to like it. That’s a little controlling and red flaggy on your part dude. Not gonna lie, if a partner of mine said “no” to me wanting to get closure, I’d leave. That insecurity and distrust isn’t somthing I’d want to deal with.
If you can’t get past this, just break up. You’ll both be happier for it.
So fully aware of your position about meeting up with Exs. She went and spent 4 hours reconnecting with her EX. Lied to you about who he actually was and then spent some time thinking about whether or not she was going to tell you the truth? That would be more than enough for me to dump her.
But if you need more ask her about her communication with her EX leading up to this 4 hour reconnection. Then even more importantly for a reason you haven’t even considered yet. Ask her about what she’s been saying to him between meeting up with him and finally telling you about him. Without any doubt they were communicating then and she was making her decision. Good luck.