Don’t get me wrong, I make decent money but it’s not consistent. For example this year I launched a clothing line and did 2 million in sales. But for the last 3 months I’ve made 0 money since its died off.
However that obviously tells me (and her) what I have the potential of doing.
Anyway, her parents have some medical bills that recently came into play and they can no longer send my girlfriend (A) any more money.
Due to this, A is in medical school, has an old funky car that breaks down, and lives with her friends (doesn’t pay rent).
Now A is well aware that I have a good amount of money saved.
And we’ve been going out pretty consistently for the past 5-6 months.
Now A two days ago pretty much came to the conclusion saying:
“My parents are no longer supporting me and I love you and I have such a great time and I love who you are. But I have bills and I can’t be going out, going out on trips and staying at your place when I have no security on my end.”
So she said, I essentially need to help pay her medical school bills (5k) , move her into a new apartment with me (45k) and would eventually like a new car since hers is faulty (30k)
Now don’t get me wrong, I can do all of this but it’d be financially irresponsible and would take 33% of my savings that I want to put towards a house.
I love her and I understand what she means by she’s under a lot of pressure and she can’t just be dating a guy just to date.
I know she means well and I’m ready to move her in, I just think there’s a compromise somewhere like maybe she takes out a loan and I help her pay it off.
Because she’s asking for the money upfront and I’m not comfortable with that because she could just leave you know.
Need some thoughts, she says I need to choose because she needs a man to provide and if I can’t do that she understands but she says it’s time to get serious about a joined commitment on all fronts.
Want some thoughts on how you guys would go about this?
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Youve been dating 5-6 months and she wants you to pay for her medical school?
Are you insane?
EDIT (after reading his responses) a fool and his money are soon parted
No one who actually cares about you would’ve made this request to begin with , let alone phrased the way she did smdh
If the situation were reversed and a guy was asking a girl to pay his bills with no secured return on investment, I know what everyone would say.
Asking someone to pay for the most expensive education imaginable is such an outlandish request. To ask someone who you’ve barely even gotten to know like you two have I honestly cant even believe anyone would even have the gall to even consider that insane idea.
Hey bro while you’re at it pay my shit off too. 😂
It’s one thing to move her in and eventually pay off her loans when you two get engaged/married. I think that’s a fair expectation. But it’s a whole other thing for her to expect you to foot her medical school after 5-6 months of dating, that’s insane. If that’s her expectation she might do better with a sugar daddy relationship instead. Again, would be a different story if you were a multi millionaire rolling in dough. But 33% of savings is a massive chunk and it would be irresponsible for you to do that without having some security from her as well (ie knowing she won’t eventually leave you).
Ummm seeing how you love her and want to help is great, but you aren’t financially responsible for her. If she isn’t paying rent with her friends, why do you have to move her in? Also car wise if it’s still running, I think she should be fine for now. It doesn’t make sense for you to pay for medical school and buy her a new car. Now let’s say you did do this, what would you be getting out of this? You could always do a written-up proposal and lend her the money but she would have to pay you back. It’s only fair. Don’t let her use you. This is coming from a girl who doesn’t depend on anyone lol.
Your impulse is to be generous and consider helping her somehow, which is lovely. BUT! Your relationship is too new for her ask.
She certainly has other options than “get a man to provide” -which implies a quiet threat to leave you for someone else, doesn’t it? WT actual F?
You’re 25, and have your own career to focus on. And while at the moment you have cash on hand you are correct it would be unwise to lose focus.
Is there ONE finite thing that could help her? Find her a reliable used car for $20K -or some reasonable “$x” ?
This request of hers is all red flags.
OP, can we talk for like two days and then you can pay for a new car for me? No? Right, because that would be insane. You’re not her sugar daddy. She’s not your sugar baby. This is a relationship. Tell her you aren’t comfortable getting involved in her finances right now. Period. If that’s a problem for her, she’s not with you for the right reasons.
I don’t think it’s your responsibility to pay for anything after 5 months of dating
Or you could reinvest what your earned and not pay her bills for a woman who youve been dating for 6 months. Wild she demands all of this after 6 months, what happens when she breaks up with you after youve paid? You should give it as a loan with a legal agreement to pay it back. Even then what your doing is incredibly stupid, but stupid people win the lottery and go broke all of the time.
Cannon event. You’re going to regret it.
No offense but if you do at 6 months you’re an idiot
>I know she means well
Does she? It doesn’t sound like it to me. It sounds like she’s using you. You haven’t even been together a year and you’re talking about moving her in and helping her with huge amounts of money.
Sounds like she’s using that excuse to mooch and get you to pay for everything. She should just get a loan. She should be able to pay it off after school when she gets a job.
I personally would not especially only after 5-6 months of dating.
Don’t put someone through school unless you are married.
Last month you were a 20 year old male…
>but she says it’s time to get serious about a joined commitment on all fronts.
And what is she committing to you in return?
I’ve seem it irl a lot, people get support from their partner through school, then when they actually start making money, they dump their partner who has been helping them through it. That is the risk you’d be signing up for.
Why is it your position to subsidize her? She is an adult, the entitlement is unreal, “my parents cut me off,” maybe you should contact her parents and ask for some tips on how to not enable her.
If you ended it tomorrow, what would she do? How long would it be until she found someone willing to financially carry her? This is an insane ask at 6 months in. The moving in part is fast, but if you decide to do that, make sure she is 50/50 paying. That should help her save money but why on earth, unless you want to be that type of person in the relationship, would you financially carry/enable someone, so early in the relationship?
Why can’t she do what most people that get accepted into medical school do and get a job and get a loan?
Whatever you do, don’t make decisions with the little guy, use your brain. This sounds like an investment with potential huge losses and huge risk.
After this short of a relationship this is a terrible idea. The fact that she’s even comfortable telling you to pay for all of that is just completely wild to me. After a couple years and marriage maybe. Now just screams gold digger.
Ignore her foolish request! You are not her husband, nor are you required to do any of these things. She’s out of her mind. If I were you, I would personally end this honestly before she drains your entire savings (or tries to). DO NOT do this! You also don’t need to her help take care of her medical school stuff, that’s her responsibility. This would absolutely be financially irresponsible on your part and very stupid to deplete 33% of savings for someone you’ve been “dating” 5-6 months. She knows that you have money and is trying to use your money to help finance her schooling. Hell no, she needs to figure that sh** out. Tell her you WILL NOT do that. She needs to get a loan or something and pay for what she wants herself. That’s NOT your responsibility.
Weird but can I ask for your clothing line info?
Absolutely not. The two of you haven’t been seeing each other very long, you do not have a steady source of income, and she’s expecting you to pay a truly insane amount of money for bills that are not of your making. Just let her know that you aren’t comfortable with this, suggest that she take out a loan for medical school, and wait and see about moving in until you’ve been dating for well over a year. Right now the two of you are still learning about each other and seeing how the two of you work as a couple. If she’s not willing to provide for herself and insists that you support her entirely, then that tells you quite a bit about how she views relationships in general and you in particular.
You would be a fool of the highest caliber to do this. I am willing to bet the estimated costs you would front on this she would dump you as soon as she finished school.
I wouldn’t loan anyone this kind of money.
wow she is acting entitled to your money. gigantic red flag.
Has she heard of student loans?
Nah. If you were married with kids, then it’s a different story. Absolutely not for a girlfriend / boyfriend level relationship.
Even if you can easily afford her demands, why would you do all this for a relationship of 5 – 6 months? Don’t be a fool. She needs to figure out her own stuff instead of expecting you to be her ATM.
Lol.
Just my opinion, I (27 female), don’t do it. I understand what she means. & I think you can leave the door open for her to move it with you, and she can get a loan and maybe then, you can help her with her payments when business is thriving, and you’re feeling generous. Unless you’re married, don’t buy her a car. Again, maybe she can get a new car and you can help her. But don’t take full financial responsibility of her. She’s not your wife.
Where in the world is tuition for medical school only 5k? I went to in state public medical school, and that wouldn’t cover a single semester in 1993.
She can take out student loans but apparently sees you as her personal ATM. DO NOT allow her to take advantage of you. A relationship requires effort from both individuals, so what exactly is she bringing to the table, besides entitlement.?
I think it’s far too soon for you to be offering her anything like that, and it’s far too soon for her to be asking it of you. It’s extremely presumptuous of her and I think it throws the authenticity of her feelings into question.
Maybe it would be reasonable around the 2 year mark, but I would still be uncomfortable with the approach. She’s essentially delivered an ultimatum to you, and she got very specific with her demands – pay a massive expense up front, take her on as a dependent, and even agree to a new car? She’s really got it all worked out for herself, huh.
But what is she offering in return? Just herself, her company? If she’s enough, all on her own, then apparently she doesn’t consider you to be enough all on your own.
And like you said, what’s to stop her from simply walking away once she’s gotten everything she wants? The only way I would consider moving forward with her would be with a bulletproof contract, like have an attorney draft an agreement that she needs to pay you back for everything, with the terms of repayment outlined in full.
Why is she going to medical school if she expects her parents, then her friends, and now you, her very recent boyfriend, to pay her way? She can take out loans like a normal person and pay them back when she’s a well-paid doctor. This is an insane ask. You are not married to her. Even spouses who pay for their significant other often regret it — women putting their husbands through med school on their dime only to get dumped for a better model once he’s Dr. Ex is a tale as old as time. You are not different. Tell her no. She needs to grow up.
No
helping her is one thing, paying for everything upfront after 5–6 months is another. Support, yes, but don’t risk your future. Compromise with loans or partial help, not your whole savings.
Is this non-US?
Don’t pay! You need someone’s can fend for herself. I gave a female friend who ended up boating for her so called boyfriend’s entire house after he got laid off when he kept “borrowing” from her! Tell her it’s nothing personal but that you have been saving for a house. If she rejects you do be it as I doubt if she will find someone else to support her. I never asked someone for money I just worked two jobs most of my life and managed to survive. She needs to pick herself up by the bootstraps and figure out another plan like perhaps go to med school PT until she can afford it.
Sorry, is this a typo, “5-6 months? You don’t even know her yet.
Why did you tell her, after only knowing her a small amount of time about your large income & financial detail, that was a naive move.
The answer is NO.
Come on man
Bet you shared your financial information with her? Run so fast you make Usain Bolt look like Stephen Hawking….six months…
Make sure you get a contract signed saying if the relationship fails that she will pay you back.
Consult a lawyer before handing any money over. The moment she is done school, she could split and you are out. If you love her and she loves you, say, “I love you and want to help. However, I need financial documentation that I helped you.” If she splits, you have proof you put her through medical school. Alimony is now a possibility depending on the laws in your area.
This can’t be real. No one in their right mind would consider this or fall for it.
A fool and his money…
If her parents can’t help her she needs to get a job vs demanding you to fund her life. On top of that she wants money up front?! GTFO with that noise. Why is her first solution to ask you for help?
You’ve only been dating a few months. I get she wants to be taken care of but she’s asking for a lot from someone she barely knows. I would start with going out less. Maybe helping her with a few things here and there but no big ticket items.
Helllllllll nooooooooooo
I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger….
On the rare occasion I’ve asked for money, I’ve paid the bf back before I asked for more. And I’ve never asked for more than $400 at a time.
Your business must have been a freak success because, no offense, this is dumb as hell
lol
The answer is Hell No! You’ll be in debt while she’s trying to live high on life, probably not even using the money for what it’s for. Trust, I’ve given a supposed friend over 3K, and he never once paid me back or never stopped asking for money until I blocked him. As soon as she sees you’re reluctant to give the money to her, she’ll keep asking for it, even when you’re broke. Keep your savings. Keep your sanity. And end the relationship if she tries to blame you for not achieving her dreams. She can take out loans, and apply for grants and such in her name.
8 hour ago you posted that you proposed to her but she turned you down. You deleted the post, but forgot delete your comments in it.
No, she is not your wife, you have only been dating for six months. It is way too soon and again, she is not your wife. That’s a lot of money to invest in someone you are just dating and may not be with you once she finishes her education. You would be really stupid to go ahead with this. Like really, really stupid.
I love you. Want to pay off some of my student loans?
She needs to do loans cuz she’ll make bank as a MD. Unless she’s not smart enough…
Don’t do it.
I read your post and your comments.
You 100% should give her everything she is asking for plus more. It’s totally the right move for some of your mental capacity.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 why are you even considering doing this for someone you’ve been dating for half a year at most?
You’re a sucker and she knows it….
It breaks my heart seeing guys like OP this stupid.
It’s a sad world we live in, you might love her, but for her, it’s just conditionally on what she can get out of it.
I hope you leave her and find a good girl OP.
You’ve not been dating long enough, after 5-6 months you know if you want to continue to pursue a relationship, but it takes a while longer really to determine if they’re someone you’re going to be able to live with.
>So she said, I essentially need to help pay her medical school bills (5k) , move her into a new apartment with me (45k) and would eventually like a new car since hers is faulty (30k)
It’s rather convenient that going forward in the relationship means you need to provide her with everything she asks, now is a very good time to decide if it is wise to move forward.
Also OP beware as there’s a tonne of stories where someone supported a partner through medical school only for that person to instantly dump them as soon as the person to their degrees etc.
How does she even know how much you have? Your first mistake in a series of mistakes was telling her so soon. Of course you’re not paying for anything…
Please don’t do it . It’s way too soon in your relationship for such a major expense . You have no idea if things will even work out .
If you do pay it and you end up breaking up you’re going to feel so stupid .
You shouldn’t even be thinking about major life decisions with someone until you’ve been dating for two years .
No, this is way too soon for something like this. You are not obligated to take the place of her Father.
Sounds like you are being used more than anything.
She clearly stated that shes looking for a man to provide.
That means a man who is financially responsible for her.
If you want a woman completely dependent on you for life, go for it.
If you were prefer a woman who will contribute financially to a future with you to the best of her ability whatever the circumstances than you are not a good match.
Me and my wife had been married for 9 years.Only now I let her pay some of my bills.We built a life together and she has proved to me she loves me I proved to her I could look after myself and I just wanted her and I loved her to.We met while I was very poor.You have only been seeing each other for 5-6 months.That is not enough time to build a relationship of trust.You are not responsible for her or her financial issues.Why can’t she pay her own way.I don’t know her,but I can tell you know you do this for her.She will walk.She knew you had money saved up.That is your security.Doesn’t she care about your security? This screams manipulation to me.If you was married for a few years and built a life together ,you had fanacial stability and you could do it and it benifited you both then yeah that would a reasonable request.But thats not the case.Think of your own future she hasnt commited to havong a life with you.Dont be a fool.
Absolutely not. She shouldn’t have even asked you.
Do you think honestly if it were you who had those unreasonable demands and she had the money she would do it for you? She would easily allege that you were trying to take advantage of her. The answer needs to be NO…..
Lost me at the title
A down female would want to do it on her own which would encourage you as her man/partner to want to help her out. Would I pay my girls medical school ? If I could I would but before I offer it being demanded nah I’m out lol
You’ve been dating for 5-6 months and disclosing how much money you make and she’s asking you to pay for med school? No absolutely not! She can get a loan to pay for all that do not move in with her.
It doesn’t matter how long you have dated. You never pay someone else’s tuition or bills.
She’s using you. And her friends. And her parents.
End this relationship. You can’t be her s sugar daddy and her expectations are ridiculous. You are not married to her so you owe her nothing. Your gf chose to go to medical school so all that school debt will be on her. You have to put yourself first and manage your financial future wisely.
I am assuming you are both in US. If she is studying in the US, she can borrow the money she needs.