My wife and I have been married for a bit over. Year, we lived together, we dated a long time, and when we finally moved out everything went downhill. We looked for months to find a home, finally found one, and moved in. A single week of bliss.
A few months later and she hates it, the neighborhood, the people, the area, heck the state and starts blaming me that I forced her to be here and that it’s all been my idea. I was able to talk to her at the time but it was only a temporary fix.
Months go by, her and I both start new jobs, we run into some AC problems and pay that, but as a general it’s constant hate on the house the area, HOA (which does suck), etc.
I pay all of our bills, with her giving me a tiny portion to help, I do the chores, I’ve been learning and getting better at being handyman and more. I work a very demanding job a lot of overtime and have about an hour 15 in and out daily. But it’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to be the only one contributing to this and not having any savings, and brought it up to her. Well it opened the flood gates of “ I married you to support me” “you never do anything around the house” “you never clean or do any of the things I want to do or work on the things I want”. I had only asked if she would just be willing to take one of the bills off of me (one of our cheaper ones) and I get a response of “Lmao okay. That’s fine. Then I want you to also clean the shower, mop the floors, buy groceries and pet food too, clean the counters, take care of the garden, take care of the cats and play with them, come up with ideas to make living more efficient and tidy, take time to do crafts etc that benefit US and be prepared to do a lot more than mow the yard once every couple of weeks” and is now just not talking to me and calling for divorce.
Is this even worth saving? I’ve been with her for 8 years and really do love her. I don’t want a divorce but I need some support, not just financial but emotional and mental support and I haven’t been getting that for a while now. I’ve tried talking to her about seeing a therapist about woes and anxieties but then she just turns around and will say “oh yeah, it’s all me all the time, I’m the crazy one.” Then two days later express she wants help.
tl;dr: My wife had a huge change in personality and what a partnership is after we bought a house, and I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore or how to get out.
Comments
How about YOU go to therapy and try to figure it out? Imagine the look on her face when you tell her YOU are going to therapy, after her refusing.
Therapy can also be a great place to help unpack your feelings, learn constructive communication skills, etc. There are therapists who specialize in life transitions and I think someone like that would be perfect to help you understand how the move could be causing the feelings she has, understand your true feelings, understand how to talk to her about it, and understand if divorce really looks like the best option for your mutual happiness or if it’s worth saving.
And if an hour of your life once a week isn’t worth your marriage then you have your answer.
If she is saving her money and you divorce that money will be split. It does not look like it’s worth saving if you do more housework and pay the bills.