Hi all. Not really looking for any advice exactly, suppose it’s more general support/conversation.
Been with my partner for just over five years now. She’s always been somewhat challenging but recently things have become very difficult. She’s increasingly argumentative, hostile and a shell of her former self. She won’t do anything about it though and seems happy to just exist and be miserable. I’m finding it harder and harder to justify staying with her as things stand, but I have a lot to lose if I was to leave her. We own a house together and breaking up would (I suspect) be incredibly messy as I don’t think she would act reasonably were that to happen.
We haven’t had sex for a year or so which I find really hard. I love sex, but it’s more about lack of intimacy, I don’t feel physically connected with her at all. I’ve tried to calmly talk to her about it but she just gets aggressive and says things like ‘well you’re free to leave and shag someone else etc’. I rarely even get a decent kiss these days.
I do love her, and when I see glimpses of the person I fell for it gives me hope, but it’s always fleeting and I quickly find myself back to feeling trapped and unhappy again. I try to focus on the positives in life, and keep myself busy (I do all the housework/gardening/cooking etc btw) by playing music and seeing friends etc.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so how did it pan out? Any thoughts appreciated, cheers.
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I genuinely wish I could give you a bit of advice on this one. I don’t believe the code has been cracked yet on women with this particular circumstance. The one where they aggressively “want to be with you” yet very aggressively want you to physically leave then alone. It’s actually mental and I’m not sure what the remedy is going to be.
Idk if you have done any of these exactly, but try having more 1-1 time if she’s interested like cue dates, make dinners together but make it fun, go on walks, movies etc. do things you are both interested in to try to reconnect, be open about your feelings.
At the end of the day, you can only do so much and can’t be the only one putting in effort but sometimes these things can help you connect more, then the intimacy can come easier after.
If nothing helps you could try couples therapy if you wanted, or walk away. I hope things work out.