Does anyone feel like their desire to make new friends is decreasing as you’re getting older? I’m nearing my late 30’s and have some really amazing friends who live far away. We constantly text and make plans to see each other a few times a year. However, after moving to a new city 4 years ago, it seems like the friends I have made locally are often flaky, busy, or at a different stage in life (many are having children).
I keep telling myself that I won’t make new friends staying at home with my husband and dog, but the thought of putting myself out there gives me anxiety. I grew up with very judgmental/gossipy family members, and I think this makes it difficult to open up to new people. I’m also an introvert and don’t really enjoy “working a room” full of strangers.
Not to get too political, but I’ve been in a bit of a slump since the inauguration. Apart of me doesn’t know if I’m in a headspace to make quality friends, but not making friends is contributing to being in a bad headspace.
Not sure what I’m wanting with this post – commiseration? Words of encouragement? Anything kind anyone has to offer is appreciated.
Comments
I’ve never been one to have many friends. A few close ones are all I need, and I don’t need to talk to them often (we’re still close though, since the relationships have a lot of depth). I did meet some neighbors when I was still married, thanks to my dog. That was fun. Never got to know them too well, since I had to move due to divorce, but they were nice people and I enjoyed spending time with them. They were also 20-40 years older than me.
I’m with you! I’ve tried a few things like town activities and fitness classes but haven’t had a ton of luck. I don’t personally feel drawn to something like bumble bff even though I’m sure there’s lots of great girls on there to befriend.
I relate somewhat. I’ve found that my drive to make lots of friends and socialize with a wide variety of people has totally slowed as I’ve gotten older. While I still enjoy going out and seeking new perspectives, I don’t need or even have the space for that many more deep interpersonal relationships in my life. As I’ve gotten older I’ve raised my requirements on what it means to be a friend, both for myself and the people in my life. So I’m much pickier, and let fewer people in than I did in my 20’s. But I also feel that the close relationships I have now drain me less and sustain me more. I am happier in my relationships than I’ve ever been and I think that’s because I know more who I am and who I want in my life.
So basically – I think it is harder to make friends when you’re older. But I think that’s at least partly because we are more discerning in what we want. Be patient and don’t compromise and I think you’ll meet your people!!
I don’t try to make friends. I always end up putting in more effort, so I stopped. I have high standards for friends that people just can’t reach. I find freedom and joy in putting all my effort into myself. I’ll take myself out, go on road trips, take my own photos, etc, etc, etc.
I personally think I’m more of an acquaintance type. I can talk to randoms at a bar, cafe or something about a common topic, but then we go our separate ways.
I stopped desiring to make new friends in my mid twenties. I had plenty of friends. I still have plenty of friends. They’re mostly very far away. I should make new friends who are closer. I still do not desire to make new friends.