So I was recently seeing two guys but the one guy (not the gentlemen I boasted about on here) exiled himself out the roster because he couldn’t respect boundaries !
We only been out on two dates and before hand I told him that I want to wait to have sex. He understood. So I thought. During our second date we kissed and I told him afterwards some of my boundaries one being I don’t like rough sexual acts. He said he respects that but there might be times wherr someone gets lost in the moment …..the next day we were texting and he told me that “he wants to kiss my spots”… I told him that no sex means oral and he said “I get ya”. I didn’t like how he didn’t apologize so I already got turned off. The next day u brought that up and he ghosted me .
Like you’re not entitled to my body because I went out with you twice and oral at that when we’re not monogamous. I don’t want your diseases. Just bc a man pays for some dates it doesn’t mean you owe him sex!
Comments
In any new relationship, I make my boundaries clear if we get to the point I decide to take it up a notch. Which is very rarely. I’m extremely picky who touches me and who gets access to my body.
I am a rather free spirit sexually. BUT. No choking, no slapping, no anal. I’m fine with rough but not to the point it actually hurts me. If you violate my boundaries, we are DONE.
It’s actually pathetic I have to clearly state no choking, slapping/hitting, no anal. But porn has changed men’s idea of normal sex.
>Just bc a man pays for some dates it doesn’t mean you owe him sex!
ya pretty much this. Always better to wait imo, a real man will respect your boundaries. Funny how we never hear women complaining about not getting sex after paying for dates, lol.
Good on you for honoring your need to receive an apology!
I agreed to go out with a man because he was apparently waiting until marriage to have sex. I was not interested in marrying him, and I think he probably felt the same, and I was not interested in doing the hanky panky with anyone. Felt like a safe way to go out, flirt a little, get to know someone, have some good times. On our second date, he proudly pulled two condoms out of his pocket! Yup, that’s a big nope, and there, sir, is the door!
A little honesty would go a looooong way, but that does seem too hard for them.
Here’s to seeing who else gets to stay on your roster!
“Just bc a man pays for some dates it doesn’t mean you owe him sex!” OFC, still apparently needs to be repeated for men to understand.
Wanting to wait to get physical to get to know the person and their intentions better makes plenty of sense.
Not wanting rough sexual acts. OFC, should be the default assumption.
Being sexual up to kissing and then being bothered when people think or mention its natural progression. Is this a teenager thing? Is this a Christian thing? Is this related to trauma? Hey, but to each their own and boundaries are boundaries.
Also, wasn’t there a post exactly with the same content but different words a few days ago?
Is this post inspired by it? Is it from the same person? is it some karma farming or bait attempt?
This is exactly why I tell women to slow down and date with intention. When you hold your boundaries and don’t lead with impulse or desire, it weeds men out quick. The ones who only want sex won’t invest time, energy, or effort. They’ll disappear. And that’s a good thing. Because the ones who stay, who actually listen and show up, they’re usually the ones who are serious about connection.
The reality is, a lot of men don’t bond emotionally through sex. That bond needs to be built first through conversation, emotional safety, shared values, and trust. When sex comes before that, it gives the reward without the relationship. It confuses things and makes real connection harder to form.
Honestly, I’d remove sex from the conversation altogether early on and just watch what happens. Don’t bring it up, don’t hint at it, don’t entertain it. Just focus on the vibe, the conversation, and the energy. You’ll see how fast some of them disappear. And if they do, that’s your answer. They were never really there for you, just the access.
This isn’t about playing games. It’s about creating space for a bond to grow. When that’s the focus, you attract people who are actually looking for something real. The rest expose themselves without you having to do a thing.
“ He said he respects that but there might be times wherr someone gets lost in the moment”
HUH?! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
>I told him afterwards some of my boundaries one being I don’t like rough sexual acts.
Wouldn’t the correct response to this statement be something like “What does rough look like to you?” ie trying to get on the same page about it? His answer was nothing but GTFO red flags in my opinion.
Haven’t dated (and probably won’t thanks to the political climate here in America), but I promised myself to wait between 4-12 months before having sex with someone. I’m demibisexual so it makes sense.
I remember in my 20s a man in his 30s, rationalizing cheating. His logic: it’s not cheating if it’s done in the heat of the moment!
5 minutes earlier, he had shown me pics of his 2yo an baby momma -.-
A lot of men just suck.
When I started dating my husband, I waited until I was ready which was three weeks (not long, I know lol) and we spent a lot of time together and he never once pressed me. He even stayed the night and asked permission to be in his boxers during sleeping. So rare.
6 years into our marriage I learned that he had assumed I was probably a virgin and I was like WHAT?!?!
We talked about it later around one of his friends and his friend was like “I wouldn’t have waited for 3 weeks!” I just straight up laughed and was like… for me? You might have. Lol
I just block those men. I don’t even say anything. They will figure it out.
“someone gets lost in the moment” is an automatic permanent reject.
My college friends and I, after some bad experiences, finally settled on having the safeword discussion first (we decided on red/yellow/green) no matter who the guy is or what you expect for the evening. Among other things, it gets clear for everybody that consent can be withdrawn at any moment, and you can get sense from his reaction to that whether you want to stay, or want to stay away. Plus, you can get a read on their attitude. If someone says “So if you say ‘red’ I’m supposed to stop everything? That’s dumb,” then you know to leave at once and never speak to him again.
Also, I am small, so I took to just saying it: “I am small. You could hurt me by accident if you’re not careful. No slapping, no hitting, no choking. What I want is an evening of fun, not a trip to the emergency room and explaining to doctors and nurses and police officers how my wrist got broken.”
One time I was explaining safewords to someone who never heard of it, and he thought for a minute and got a horrified look on his face and said something like “If you were getting hurt and needed me to stop and I didn’t that would rape. That would be horrible. This safeword thing is a really good idea. Everybody should do that.” Later he leaned in for a kiss and I said “green” and he smiled. That worked out really well.
Remember, don’t group all men into the same group. We as a male don’t all think the same way.
Just bc a man pays for some dates it doesn’t mean you owe him sex!
This is why I ALWAYS paid my way on first dates. First dates are about seeing if there’s any chemistry and should be something simple, cheap and in a public setting. It was very interesting to see which men were fine with that and which ones found it emasculating.
Yeah I didn’t intentionally make my current boyfriend wait but I was so insecure at the time (highest weight I’ve ever been, just come out of a horrible depressive episode, etc) I just could NOT handle having sex with him when we met at all so we waited a good while before.
It’s honestly one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself in a relationship I think. I love sex, normally I jump right into it and that’s the been the starting base of all my relationships but waiting and really getting to know someone more first was very eye opening. I developed so much trust and love for him before doing it and his patience and understanding really made me see what a good man he was before letting myself be vulnerable in that way.
He had also never had sex with a woman before so it was nice for both of us to ease into things slowly, really learn each other’s bodies and boundaries and we took things step by step. I think how we approached communicating about sex at the start set us up for how we communicate about everything else in our relationship. We are very open and honest with each other and patient with one another due to this I think.
🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
And if I can be honest, I wish no sex meant oral was okay in my dating life. (Which admittedly was a long time ago.)