Hello
I’m a 28 YO FM, and my colleague in my team who is a 40+ year old male recently commented on me losing weight. At first although I didn’t appreciate the comment, it was more of an observation and wasn’t rude so I responded politely. Every time I see him he now makes a remark about me having lost more weight and I think last time he even said something along the lines of “your losing weight by the day”. There’s been 3 separate occasions now in total. Although I understand that he probably thinks this is a compliment it’s making me feel uncomfortable. I gained weight when I was mentally and physically unwell. I’ve worked hard over 1.5 years to lose it and get back to the weight I used to be in my early 20s. He will say it as he greets me in the morning too, even said it once in front of my boss and I could tell she felt awkward too. I am quite shy and always take the polite non confrontational route but it’s increasingly making me angry that he thinks that’s acceptable behaviour. Does anyone have any polite but firm responses? Also am I overreacting? I don’t know. I think if I find it uncomfortable, it doesn’t matter if the comments in themself are particularly rude or not. It just isn’t something you should say.
Comments
“Hi, please stop commenting on my weight. Perhaps you are doing that to congratulate me for my weight loss but once was enough, thank you. More is just weird.”
Do you otherwise have a close relationship? He may think he’s encouraging you.
It’s time for a gentle conversation, assuming positive intentions. “Hey, thanks for the encouragement / noticing, but it makes me uncomfortable when you comment.” If you’re open to it, maybe offer to share recipes or work out routines. You never know if he might be struggling with his own health.
If it keeps up, then go to HR or his supervisor if you don’t have HR.
“Hey, I appreciate the compliment, but I don’t like talking about (my) weight in the workplace.” Up to you if you want to make it general or specific to you. Aim for a warm tone.
If he gets weird about it, then just, “I understand that (whatever he just used to justify), but I’d still prefer to not discuss it,” slightly more firm tone. You’re not overreacting, that is weird, and you’re well within your rights to tell him (respectfully) to stop.
Straight up tell him that the comments about your weight make you uncomfortable. If he’s well intentioned but clueless, he’ll immediately back off. If he doesn’t, then it might be time to talk to HR.
>I am quite shy and always take the polite non confrontational route
Tell him: “Please, I don’t like when people comment on my weight”. It is just one polite confrontational route for infinite tranquility. Make the effort once for your sake, it is really good investment. Life is too short
Next time he says something
“good morning ___, hey listen, I know you’re comments are coming from a place of wanting to be supportive. I just wanted to let you know I’m a little sensitive about the weight thing because it involves some health stuff I’d rather not go into, and would appreciate it if you’d please stop commenting about it.”
You can even throw in an “I appreciate you!” At the end or after his response if you want to keep things extra cordial.
Next time he says something respond with something like, “huh, it’s weird you keep commenting on my weight,” and then redirecting to a work topic: “What’s the status on those TPS reports?”
The key is to use a bored tone of voice. Your heart might be beating a million miles an hour, but pretend that it is the least interesting thing you have ever heard in your life.
No matter how he responds, just keep being uninterested and redirect or walk away: “hmm, I’ve got to work on the Bradley report.”
“Please don’t comment on my body.”
Then change the subject to work.
And document all times, witnesses, what he said, etc.