I’m 27 now, i grew up without my dad, he left my mom before i was born. At 27 i wonder how different my life would’ve been if i had a dad around. What’s it like boys?
Man to man, what’s it like having a dad?
r/AskMen
I’m 27 now, i grew up without my dad, he left my mom before i was born. At 27 i wonder how different my life would’ve been if i had a dad around. What’s it like boys?
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I’m 27 now, i grew up without my dad, he left my mom before i was born. At 27 i wonder how different my life would’ve been if i had a dad around. What’s it like boys?
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Try to watch these.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuLG6WqjOEo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKlhThmaB70
It really depends on the type of man the dad is, some are real POS’s and were only sperm doners, others were great me that taught their sons how to be strong men, it really just depends.
Well my dad was a provider, but that was about it. He worked 50 hours or so a week, when he wasn’t working he was checked out. Drank then went to sleep. On weekends he did his hobbies and lots of the time we were forced to go with. (drove around the state to races, was a runner, loved doing 10ks or longer ones)
Never really had a close relationship with him. He was angry alot and a religious nut job.
He’s retired now and is much more mellow. Don’t really have a relationship with him at all. See him occasionally because still live in same town.
My experience might be different from what others would say but basically: I had and still have a hardworking dad that was able to provide for our whole family but that also meant he was gone before we woke up and very late in the evening to where he wanted to zone out and watch tv or go do sports. So to be fair I never really made a connection with my dad. He used to be aggressive a lot and a few times physically too. On top of that I’m gay. He’s fine with it so can’t really say anything negative about that but we don’t really have overlapping interests.
My dad was cool. I miss him.
for a boy having a is extremely important. a dad is the example of how the boy will be
Despite being less involved in me and my siblings’s lives, he was able to provide for us on low income.
He was the ultimate authority. We all listened to him. But sadly, he got cancer again and that really messed things up.
Always milk in the fridge
Mine was a substitute dad to a lot of other kids. I wasn’t able to tell him I had been raped because I was a child of privilege and should have been grateful I wasnt dadless like those other kids.
Depends on the dad really. Mine did his best and taught me a great deal. He loved me and my brothers the best he knew how. He was brilliant and far from perfect but I am a better human being for having had him as a father.
idk and im thankful that idk.
Having the ability to talk about anything under the sun.having the ability to not be judged on everything.
If your dad left and didn’t attempt to keep in touch, then you aren’t missing anything since he would have been your dad. A lot of guys are in the same boat.
Dads can be hit or miss – some are hard working, loving providers that play with their kids and never miss an event. Others are cheating alcoholic who beat their wives and children. Asking for a general opinion isn’t going to help, but also since we are often like our fathers, especially if we grow around them, everyone’s experience is very different and specific.
In your case you may be fortunate to have your dads genetic traits, but not his lack of will or bad habits that he would have taught you and, like all of us, you can just strive to be a better man than your father.
Had a dad…I don’t hate him or anything, but to be honest, he didn’t really teach me about life. He threw me into sports expecting the sports will do it for him. He provided…but he’s also scold me if I left a light on. So 🤷🏼♂️.
Depends on the dad, so you’ll never know.
My dad provided, died when I was fairly young, and that taught me to be self sufficient.
I have a son about your age. I made sure to be involved in every way possible- homework help, coached his softball teams, etc. More than anything, we talk, and nothing’s off the table.
Not long ago, he sent me a long text, thanking me for being there for him at every turn, and that he loved me. I felt really validated, as I was never sure I was doing things right.
Ymmv. I know lots of people that hate their dads, or BOTH parents.
Me and my dad where never close. But from observation from living with him for 20 years I just learnt how to be a man albeit a distant one but still 🤣
A humourless tyrant, obsessed with standing above all others. Who never cares for understanding others’ perspectives, and verbally abuses his own family. As such, he’d never stoop down to fraternise with, or learn from his lowly children, instead limiting to criticising and ridiculing them. Then wondering why they would see him with fear and resentment, rather than respect for providing with the basics required to not be arrested for neglect.
At times, kind of like those unkillable monsters in horror games which you can’t defeat, but only hide from.
I appreciate all the good fathers in the world, and hope to become one someday.
My dad was really nice until I was about 8, then he turned into an emotionally abusive, controlling asshole. Daily verbal abuse, unfair and unrealistic expectations. He was a car guy who wanted to share his passion, but didn’t want to teach me any kind of mechanical knowledge beyond the basics because he didn’t want me to become a mechanic (actually told me a few times that if I ever turned a wrench for a living he’d take a hammer and break all the bones in my hands for me). The basic mechanical stuff he taught me, he made it so stressful that I don’t even want to do my own oil changes and only do repairs on my cars because I can’t afford to pay the labor fees at the local shop. From the day I was 8 to the day I joined the army at 17, I can think of one time he expressed or showed me love without being drunk and it was when I almost got crushed by a tractor that rolled over when I was on it because he didn’t tell me how to STOP the damned thing when he asked me to pull it forward and I ended up driving one of the rear wheels up a piece of horse panel sticking out of our truck. Like, other than that day, i can’t remember him eventually telling me he loved me until I joined the army (a decision he fought against) and he realized that I was leaving
The reality is, your life would absolutely have been different if you had your dad in your life, but depending on who he was, it might have been great, it might have sucked. Nobody will really know.
My real dad is pretty useless but my step-dad is 10/10 and I am beyond thankful for him. I don’t feel 100% comfortable talking to either about anything deeply personal but i find it fine that way.
sorry you never had your dad around OP, my dad was great and still is. Hard at times but always wanted the best for my brothers and I. Always present and still is even with my own kids. I know it does make a difference having a dad around, but that doesn’t mean you cannot be the father you didn’t have. (If you plan to have kids). I just showed my son over the weekend how to ride a bike, its one of the best feelings; hard to quantify but I was so happy for him.
Everyone’s childhood experience will be different, but for me, my dad always made his wife and kids his absolute top priorities. He ensured we were stable financially so my mom could stay home to raise me and my siblings, he never did anything morally questionable, he spent time to help us with schoolwork, he taught us how to do things around the house, and he was involved in our extracurriculars. He put a tremendous amount of pressure on me to succeed, and that’s caused me to remain kind of distant as an adult, but overall I hardly could have asked for a better dad. I hope I can be as good a dad as he was someday.
We talk everyday about world events, and sports, we like different stuff and teach other about them. He’s pretty solid.
I have a father but i feel like i never had one growing up
My father despised me. He made it his mission to see that I failed. When teachers would recommend that I be enrolled in advanced classes, he didn’t care. When I asked about taking up a musical instrument, he scoffed and said it was a waste of money. Even though my parents could afford to send me to college, they refused. They wouldn’t even let me stay with them while I was going to school.
I sometimes wonder if I even qualify as having a father figure in my life, as I often wished that I never did. In your case, you can use that as a positive. You can be the pioneer, you can set the standard. One thing I will say, set the standard that you think a man with the full backing of a sound paternal figure would. Don’t settle, rise above it all. I have decided to do the same, but against the backdrop of someone that made it their mission to tear me down. I sometimes find myself having to check my pettiness, my vindictiveness, and my close-mindedness as it’s traits that I identify from my father. Rise above, set the standard that you would have wanted from a father and be that standard. 👍
33m, father is 61, he tries his best for the family in his own way.
Wants to understand the youngest, 31m, but the two can’t seem to get along.
Always enjoys his little dates with mom on the weekend.
For me, he’s a little rough when trying to teach something but I appreciate his attempts. Always there to try and listen to us.
He gives his boys space and doesn’t want to get in-between their life decisions, maybe he’ll throw a tip or to from his own experiences.
Wants to hang out with us, but I’m busy with work.
Genuinely, I love the man, maybe when he finally retires, we can hang out like he wants to and go to the shooting range.
He seems to have a fascination with guns.
“He left my mum before I was born”
Here is something you won’t hear many people say, the pregnant are a bunch of cunts!
They cry when they are happy, they cry when they are sad, you don’t even know why the the fuck they are crying for….. Also, have you ever been in an argument with a pregnant woman in public??? Ooooooohhhh it doesn’t matter how right you are!!!!
Whenever some would tell me, I never knew my mum, my dad left my mum.while.she was pregnant with me…. I used to think “what a dick”. After dealing with my wife being pregnant now I am more “Who am I to judge? I am sure he had his reasons”……
Joking aside!!!
I had a great dad until I was 10 then he disappeared, (divorce from my mum and he went from waking me up to work out and play soccer at 5 am to completely ditch his visitation days and seeing us like once a year.
The main thing I would assume is having a role model. I am a dad now of two kids, they come with me everywhere, to my hobbies income to their activities, we talk. My son still wants cuddles at the age of 12. (He also does martial arts and works out with me) And my daughter is always asking me to do her hair, braided it, wash it, or dye it.
It isn’t about following my dad’s footsteps, more than trying to be the best dad my kids can have for them to develop into adults that can find happiness in their adult life.
Great thing to have. But regardless of whether you had one or not, at some point you have to become your own father. That’s why having a great dad or having none has very little bearing on how you turn out as a man.
Mine is quite useless as a parenting figure. Just knows how to tell me what I should be better at, like when he decided I needed to know everything about how car engines worked and got annoyed when I didn’t care.
I moved out a long time ago and never really speak to him other than to occasionally stay in touch. Don’t make having a competent father figure out to be something more important than it is. It’s just a nice to have thing for people that have it that means they have one more good relationship in their life.
My dad was a decent provider but overall I had to fight tooth and nail to be outside of what he wanted me to be.
I wonder how different my life would have been if my father (I hesitate to use that word, since it is only technically correct) had not been around.
He was a drunken, vicious, violent asshole. And I do not mean to suggest that he was vicious and violent and an asshole because he was drunk, no, no. He was each of these things completely independent of the others. He was arguably more dangerous and vicious when he was sober because his reflexes and thought processes were much better than when he was drunk.
I’m pretty sure I had at least 20 concussions by the time I reached 18 years old because of him. He quite literally never taught me anything. Nothing at all. Not how to change a tire, not how to tie a tie, or shave…. at best he served as a bad example of a father, a husband, a man and a human being.
My upbringing consisted of nothing but negative reinforcement. And that consisted of verbal, psychological and physical abuse.
Oh, how I wish he had left my mother before I was born.
I’m following because i don’t know, I grew up without a dad myself. Really fucked me up
He was around but not really around at the same time. My grandpa was more like a dad to me but sadly he passed when I was 10.
I had a great dad. He was a super smart guy who wanted to go to college but his family couldn’t afford it so he ended up as a Navy guy during one of the stupidest things the US has ever done, Vietnam; he came out of that and went on to become a successful chemical engineer who worked to make sure all of his children went to college.
in my experience, they just yell at you and beat you for the slightest infractions.
I have a different situation. I met my dad when I was 30. He was 47 at the time. Great guy, we get a long as if we hadn’t been separated for 30 years.
I got to witness my mom
and dad together interacting on that day, my god it was very comforting just to get a small glimpse of what it might have been like to grow up together. They obviously still love each other.
But in the end I feel like I would be a completely different person If I grew up around him. And maybe not for the better. Thats the feeling I got anyways.
We text and call a few times a month, I haven’t seen him physically since I was 30, I’m 38 now. We live many hours from each other.
I never had any grandpas either did you?
Had to move 1800 miles away to keep myself from becoming like him. I have a lot of anger and other baggage, habits, and negative behavioral qualities that is ingrained / instilled in me that my wife and I are trying to resolve. For the sake of our marriage and children. I’m 32 yo.
I never really had a dad.
He suffered depression and would disappear for a long time. I dont blame him, but it was tough growing up without both my parents around much.
All my life I promised myself I would have kids and be the best possible father I could.
Then I found out I cant have kids when my then wife was finally ready to try in my mid 30’s and my wife divorced me shortly after.
Not sure if I ever will have kids and because of that I might not know anything about fatherhood at this point.
A combo of learned a lot of how to do stuff like changing brakes; he was there for me and made sure I got where I needed to go; saved my bacon a few times as a grownup. And on the balance a few things I could have known beforehand: get life insurance early while you don’t have any health concerns, have your furnace serviced annually. Etc.
Well, I told my old man about my engagement after I left my ex-girlfriend of 12 years and his response was, ahem, “Are you fucking crazy?”.
So I mean, ymmv but I am mostly self-sufficient from the age of 15 lol.
I’ve got a couple perspectives on this. My bio dad has honestly never really had time for me, and even as an adult I have to put in a ton of effort to see him. I got my masters degree (first on my dad’s side to do so, ever) and he didn’t even come to the commencement. Went to a bar instead. I admired him so much as a kid but as an adult I just see a sad, resentful old man who is stuck in the past and waiting to die.
My stepdad on the other hand has always been active in my life. He was at my commencement, came on my bachelor trip and tore it up with my boys; we go on Jeep trips and see shows and just shoot the shit. He’s a great dad and a good friend. He’s a good man.
In my eyes, having a dad as a man is all about admiration and modeled behavior. I want to be like my step dad. When I was a kid I wanted to be like my dad. Through either lens I saw an archetype for what a “good man” looked like and I have consciously or subconsciously modeled myself after that image. In the same token dads come with disappointment. You want to live up to their approval and expectations which is sometimes impossible. My bio dad never felt like he got the approval from his dad (war time greatest generation) and will take that regret to his grave. There’s a sad irony in being so focused on that regret that you repeat it with your son.
Depends on the dad. There’s some real shit heads out there.
Mine was good. Gone way too much with work, he was an over the road truck driver. But when he was home it was good. I went with him in his truck all summer long every summer from i was 6 to about 17.
We thought a lot alike. In how we went about solving problems or just on how to build a deck. My wife (then girlfriend) got pregnant at 18 just before graduation. I dreaded calling him, but he was great with the information and wasn’t upset. He let me know that I was going to have to do a lot of growing up real fast. Looking back, I think he was excited to be a grandpa. And he was even better at being a grandpa than he was a dad.
Later as I grew up and into my late 20s and early mid 30s, he really valued my opinion on things. He would call to talk stuff over and ask how I would do something. Made me feel like an equal. I knew growing up that I could call him for advice or a question about something, and he’d always answer and give me his best opinion.
We were looking forward to him retiring, we were planning on working on more projects and going fishing. Unfortunately in the fall of the year he was going to retire at the end of, he was diagnosed with cancer. He died that next January at 67.
I used to be more critical of him as an idiotic teenager, but growing up and becoming a man/husband/father, I can now see where he was coming from on a lot of things, and he was really working his hardest to take care of us. He wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but none of us are. He was just trying to do the best he could, just like I am now days.
I miss him every day.
36 now for reference. It was great when I was a little kid, but that’s because my dad was more like an older kid himself. Once I matured beyond him and started to from my own identity, it was terrible and I understood why my mom came to dislike him. It was pretty fucking useless when I entered my teens. Living with a narcissist was not a good experience. Endless yelling, false accusations against my friends and I, watching him treat my mom poorly, and just generally expecting that I will drop whatever I’m doing to cater to something he needs.
How can one describe a good father? It’s like describing the shade given by a great oak tree. A warm blanket that you’ve had for years. It’s smells and sounds. It’s laughs and stubble.
A good father is a journey of safety, discovery, rage, joy and fear.
As a boy he was an oak tree. Strong and powerful. His hands could fling me in the air and his smile would send my heart soaring into the sky to fly amongst clouds. He gave me shade in the heat of the sun and warmed me on cold nights.
As a teenager he was an enigma. A real person not yet realized because he was still only dad. Our paths diverged as the Oak Tree was now a life guard. Distant and observational. Watching me grow and giving me space to find my path. Our relationship was cooler than. A boy growing into a man doesn’t need an oak tree. He needs a coach. Someone to bounce ideas off of and go to for advice whilst figuring life out.
As a young adult my father was my hurt. Because all father’s hurt their children. The wound dealt by a careless word, or life’s circumstances, not anyone’s fault but life’s. A traumatized police officer retiring from the force and learning to live again required a new understanding of our relationship. Hard conversations, reconciliations, grace and time heal the hurts given to each other.
As a man my father is my discovery. We are equals now. Men of similar circumstances. Stories untold in childhood can now be shared as friends. A bond between two people, of a father and son.
Now my father is fear and regret. He hurts now. Is older and slower. Weaker than before. I see the man before me. The person. The flaws in his thinking. The old hurts that never healed. The weakness within his heart. The body is beginning to fail him. I fear to lose him. I fear to see his flaws and the rage it inspires in me to see my superhero brought low.
But within that fear, rage and regret? Is admiration. Because despite all the odds he is a good man. A good dad. A good father. And I see the glory in his form. How he smiles at my mother. How he get’s excited at my and my brother’s success. How he volunteers at Church to go on reconstruction projects where natural disasters have been. Despite the bad back, broken shoulder, destroyed hand, and wounded knee he perseveres in the work of a lifetime. His love of bourbon, and cigars. Videogames and writing. Even going back and shooting on the range once again.
A good father is a relationship and bond unlike anything else in the world. It is one of ups and downs. Of discovery and growth. Of joy and fear. Rage and helplessness as time ravages a parent.
That’s what it’s like to have a good father.
We’re close in age I’m 26, I’m gonna be honest with you, my life is just so ugly with that man that I’m supposed to call “dad”… it all begins with me, the mistake, the man treated my mother like shit and blamed her for getting pregnant, but instead of leaving us the fuck alone he decided to stay and become a 3rd child in the family, he was a bum, he always claimed that he was working and he has hobbies with cars but he never worked a day in his life ever since he was married to my mom, he would constantly travel for “business trips” that is covered by my mom, and my mom enables his behavior but she doesn’t realize that, she’s too gullible and too faithful that her god will somehow make things good, she lived her whole life like this but she went through hell because she basically raised me and my sister on her own with little to no help from him whatsoever
The amount of disregard this man shows to my mom is just pure hatred and she… allows… it, when I was born in the US he was able to become a citizen through my citizenship, and he never pursued my mom’s citizenship, once he got his green card left the US with us to the Middle East, they were also divorced twice first time initiated by him and 2nd time by mom and I tried to help financially in her court proceedings she just dismissed the case went back to him and said things are ok, the story is way longer than that but I’m trying as much as I can to summarize it, physical abuse, misogyny, anger, neglect, ignorance, extremism, greed, humiliation, racism, tribalism, nationalism, hypocrisy, etc. all of these describe one man, if I ever become like that please shoot me
I’m sorry you don’t have a father but you still lucky and I hope my story makes you realize that, hopefully we’ll do better than these “fathers” 🤝
I didn’t think my dad was so bad growing up. Yelled quite a bit. Now I have kids and he’s just emotionally detached from them. He doesn’t want to babysit, only stops by on his way home from things, and only really sees them if we come to him. When we do, he just doesn’t really interact or only does as if he’s checking the boxes “this is what a grandpa is supposed to do, I did it, so now it’s time for bed.”
I’ve come to understand this is why I don’t have a relationship with him. He treated me the way he treats his grandchildren – he is completely uninterested.
That said, having a dad was a good thing. I reflect on it often. I feel that I was more an observer of him rather than a son. I observed things I like, didn’t like, and formed my perspective around that. He paid for my college and gave me a lot to start with. I also latched on to male figures that were bad influences and have trouble forming friendships with men that I think is related to the lack of a relationship I have with my dad. He wasn’t a good dad, nor was he a bad one, he just simply served a purpose.
It was awesome. Right up until day, mom died. After that, it was humanizing up until his death. So, 24 great years, 9 weird but good years, and it has been 4 lonely years without him.
My dad was generally at work. When he wasn’t he was a buffer between my dad and me, and also the only driver of the family to take us places.
Other than that I didn’t have much of a relationship with either of my parents that I can remember.
Trying to bond with my dad more now, we play snooker once a week when we can.
Honestly? Not great.
I lived a life filled with fear and terror and knew that I was a burden to him and he would have done anything to be rid of me. He loved me in his own twisted way, but mostly he just made my life miserable day after day after day until one day he decided to throw me one beating too many and I walked out.
Single moms raising sons probably don’t get the credit for the work that they do, and the quality of the young men that they raise. But (speaking in very broad generalities) there are just things that men get that women don’t (and vice versa). This means that there are certain basic life things that a cross-gender parent simply doesn’t inherently understand, and will probably never understand at the same level as a same gender parent will. (Single dads raising daughters are in a similar boat).
In my experience (both as a son and as a father – and what I’m saying is in huge broad strokes, so YMMV), mothers are more risk adverse, while fathers are more risk tolerant/encouraging.
Fathers tend to bond and interact with their children through physicality (rough housing), while mothers tend to bond and interact with their children through being with them.
Fathers tend to bond and teach their children by doing “things.” Moms tend to bond and teach their children by talking with them and it tends to be about “ideas.”
Fathers tend to have a little more of a “free range” parenting style than mothers tend to be.
Fathers tend to be more comfortable doing things outdoors, while mothers tend to be more comfortable doing things indoors.
But a good parent is a good parent. Having a good single mother is much better than having both a good mother and a bad father.
>What’s it like boys?
I only knew my father as a child but had a great relationship with him. For me it’s like having an older version of yourself living with and taking care of you. It was fantastic to put it frankly. People on the outside of our relationship used to think that my father put me in hobbies and activities that only he enjoyed and forced onto me. They don’t know what the f*** they’re talking about. I learned valuable lessons about being a healthy man, how to treat women and how to conduct yourself from my father. Yes a lot of my hobbies and interests come from him, but I love them for my own reasons and 1 of those reasons is because he introduced them to me healthily and gave me time to form my own thoughts and opinions towards them.
In short, I loved the time I had with my father.
Had my dad into I was in my 30s. He was very involved in my life, always supportive, and I miss him so very dearly. I named my first son after him and thankfully he got to meet him before he passed.
I had a miraculously good childhood, so my experiences are good. He has always been an example of how to be a man. Of course he has his flaws like anyone, but he never pretended to be perfect. He has taught me good morals, as well as practical skills. I try to learn from him as long as he’s still alive.
He’s always been there for me if I needed help. I couldn’t have done the things I’ve done now if I didn’t have his support, both mental and material.
This is actually an interesting question.
I suppose the most important thing is that it’s different for every person, because dads are humans and can’t be generalized.
But, if I were to generalize, I’d say it’s like having a future version of yourself to bounce ideas off of. I see a lot of my mom in me, but with every passing year I feel myself evolving into my dad and his dad. There’s only one fate for me.
And it’s not too bad, frankly. Lots of people love my dad and respect him. He works hard. He’s kind. He’s still got all of his hair.
My dad has been probably the most difficult and consequential person in my life. Yeah he provided a decent life for me, my siblings and mother financially, but he was an absolute nightmare to deal with personally. Very controlling, hyper critical, cold and manipulative, emotionally volatile and toxic, and overall just a tyrant that made it his mission to make every major family matter about him and him solely.
To this day he and I have difficulties and I’ve gone almost no contact with him for over a year. He’s calmed down since reaching old age and retirement, but underneath it all is still the man that raised me and I straight up don’t like that guy. I hate the way he treated my mother and ground her down mentally and emotionally to a shell of her former self. I’ll resent him for that till the day he dies.
I firmly believe he’s a malignant narcissist and has some dark triad personality traits. I’ve never felt comfortable or close to him and growing up tried to always do what he wanted of me and that has wrecked me on a spiritual level and made me perpetually question my value as a man.
All that said he usually comes through for the family for their needs, but it always has to be on his terms and he will randomly resent us for it if he suddenly perceives some kind of slight. This is a big deal because he holds grudges for a long fucking time. This creates a dynamic where we all avoid asking him for anything, which of course only makes him angrier.
He taught me quite a bit but it was always a painful process for me and at times it felt he was looking for any excuse to come down on me for not performing to his exacting standards. This has created a dysfunctional dynamic within me when it comes to accomplishing goals and learning new skills.
I’m trying hard to turn that around and become the man I have the potential to be but it’s been difficult when you can’t rely on the person who’s job is it to guide you on that path. It’s very conflicting and confusing, I’m constantly questioning my choices, instincts, and habits and trying to make better ones.
Overall idk if I can honestly say I love this man.
It was pretty magical. My parents were divorced and I only got two months of the year (if I was lucky) to see my Dad out on the west coast. Mom and I were on the east coast and I’d fly out to see him for the summer. If I was lucky, I’d get to see him on winter break as well.
When the airliners wheels touched the ground, got my bags and what have you, Dad would pick me up and we were off. One of the many spots we would go was Lake Tahoe. That’s when Dad introduced me to fishing. Just throw a line in with a bit of trout bait on the fishhook. We would sit and talk and I would absorb as much as I could of my pops. We talked about all sorts of stuff. His love of old classic cars. Do sharks sleep. How he got the scar on his chin from messing around on a jungle Jim when he was little.
The only time I didn’t like was the occasional scolding for being too rough on my younger brother (same Dad/different Moms). Then the other thing I hated was getting back on the plane to go back east. I fucking hated it so much. I know my Mom did her best with what she had… and she did a good job with being a single parent and all. I think the point I’m trying to make is that a boy who doesn’t have a father around, still needs a father-like figure in his life to kind of balance things out. Just my opinion.
Sad to read all the never had’s. I had a good, normal Dad, taught me a lot, was there for me, married to Mom until the end.
Amazing
My dad is a retired cop. From Scotland. Growing up with him wasn’t easy but he definitely instilled a sense of responsibility and personal resilience. Despite butting heads for 25 years we have a good relationship now and I’ve used his example as a father to both live up to his standard and improve upon it. I learned from his failings and his strengths. Now, I just enjoy talking with him about guy things. In fact, I think he’s a little envious of how close I am with my kids, and the life I’ve built. He always had to be near a city for his job, but he loves the countryside. My wife and I run a hobby farm and he always wants to hear every detail about it.
I’ll never tell you it was always good but life was better with him than it would have been without him.
The way I see our relationship especially at this age (29) is just like i see my other guy friends except he is actually my best, oldest and wisest friend who i can rely on for anything, out of all my friends he is my favorite and I know I am his as well
It’s great in many ways but also difficult. It’s great in that you have a guide, teacher, mentor, and a hero. Someone who has done many things and can pass those lessons on to you.
It’s difficult in that you have these realizations: he’s also human, he has made serious mistakes, there were things he did that you’re going to have to reckon with. You’ll eventually watch him fall off of his horse and you will have to step up and care for him and become the leader and head of the family as you watch your hero grow old and die.
I think having a dad helps you put things in perspective from a different point of view and sometimes shows you a completely different perspective than what a young man would have.
I remember I heard this story about a Bull and his son out on the pasture and as they come over the hill they see thousands of cows. The son who is overly excited says “ Ima run down there and fuck one!!” The dad who is more humble and mature looks down at him and says “ no son, we are going to walk down there and fuck them all”
Not all Dads are created equal.
I love my Dad in a way and I’m sure that I owe some part of who I am, some piece of the good parts, to having him around. But he’s also kind of a mess. He’s been depressed or something most of his life and really stubborn about having it treated in any way.
My parents got divorced and while it seemed more or less amicable my Dad has made it clear over the years that he never really got over it. I tell people that sometimes and they find it to be weirdly noble and romantic, but I think that’s maybe the best lesson that my Dad inadvertently taught me: that these noble ideas of romance and love can lead to extremely unhappy lives, and if you want to actually enjoy your life you should probably just be pragmatic about things and move on, not get caught up in silly ideas like someone being “the one” and stupid shit like that. That love is an action, it requires time, actually doing things; you’re not actually in love with someone you’re not with and can only observe from afar, that’s just obsession.
It’s just a person that usuallylives in the same place as you, occasionally screams at you, and for some reason thinks he knows everything better and can give you orders about what to do with your life. He might also randomly try to talk to you about politics. Maybe when you’re really young, there might be 1-2 moments where he basically holds a speech about how you can reach anything in your life if you just start early enough and are organised af.
Your question should be “what’s it like having a GOOD dad?” Because I can tell you from stories I’ve heard, in a lot of cases no dad is better than having a shitty dad.
Now my dad is amazing so I’ll answer.
Growing up he was my hero and till this day he still is and I believe that because i respect and look up to my dad so much, this gives me a sense of honor pride and even ego at times that pushes me to strive for greatness and not take shit from any other man.
My authorities at work can never intimate me or tell me shit because they’re nothing compared to my father.
Some may view this as a negative trait, but I think this gives me an air of authority and power in my temperament that actually carries over to everything I do and how I do it in a good way.
I feel like because my dad is so great, my standards for being a good man are also great. This makes me have high expectations for myself and stops me from being a follower.
I’m very grateful for this because I think when men don’t have father figures they genuine respect, they always seek it somewhere or another and end up following men who lead them to destruction. Such as war lords, gang leader, negative social media influencers, or shitty manager at work.
But when you view your dad as better than those men and your dad is actually not a loser, you’ll never fall for that shit.
My dad made it out of a small 3rd world village in Africa, worked his way up doing his passion, never worked some job he hated, made his own money, got hisself out of poverty, as well as his family, and brought us out of a war torn country. And the most amazing thing about him is how much he pushed us to be knowledgeable and to read.
This guy was always the most well read guy in the room, and loved to learn. I’ll say this with honesty, there’s very few people I’ve met in person who are as intelligent as my father.
My sperm donor was arrested for SA and battery against my mom when i was a young age, i never knew my Original father. The stand in we had gotten that being my “Step-Father” was pretty cool growing up, we were pretty much able to afford whatever because he worked a lot of hours for decent pay. it wasn’t until my Siblings and i grew up (high school age) and left the house did he turn out to be the biggest vile disgusting POS ever.
While in a dunken stupor he threatened to beat up my brother (who was openly gay) luckily i was home to stop anything from happeneing. He would later go on to not only cheat on my mom but take her disability checks.
It wasn’t until i joined the Army that i found a cool Father figure.
He’s kind of a dick now, and he used to just sit on the couch while my mom cleaned. But he did cheer me on at karate, taught me how to drive (badly), and let me ride on his back like a turtle shell while he swam
Amazing safety net and example. The best part was seeing how much he and my mom loved each other. I always wanted to be loved like that.
Hello 27 I’m dad.
People often times behave like what was modeled to them. My grandpa was hard on my dad, not emotionally available…so you know how my dad is with me.
My dad is kinda like the dad from the play “Fences”. He didn’t have to like me, but he did provide everything I needed. It’s a rough relationship for sure. We’re slowly mending it 🤷♂️
Good and bad, tbh. He’s always been there and supportive, but he’s also been judgemental, which hurts because I really respect his opinion. However, it’s great when I get that approval, and maybe pushed me to accomplish more.
I’m gonna come at this from a different angle.
My dad wasn’t the greatest dad. For some context, he was married twice. Had 6 kids with his first wife, then 6 kids with my mom. (I am the youngest… And to add more context, I’m the only boy of the second set of kids).
I was told stories about my dad, how he was an alcoholic. Not violent, not mean, just an alcoholic. But yet, he was also the one that would do most of the housework. He did the dishes, did the laundry, mowed the grass, etc etc, then let my mom raise all the kids. I never really saw him as an alcoholic, but I do remember seeing him almost always have a drink near him.
And because of this, I feel like I didn’t have a relationship with my dad until I was 15 or so. But also, he was old. He had me when he was 51 years old. So there’s not much for a kid and an aging man has in common. I remember for my 10th birthday, my mom forced him to take me out for dinner for my birthday. We went to McDonald’s, and ate in silence. Got back in the car, and went home.
He and I really only bonded over old WWII movies, Westerns, and doing yardwork together. That’s about it. He and my mom was a safety net for sure, but he also made sure to always remind me of how much money I owed him, when he helped me buy a used car.
But it’s weird, I see others talk about their relationship with their dads, and I realized I never had that. I had a very shallow relationship with my dad. And it sucks to think about.
He passed like 8 months ago. He suffered a stroke 4-5 years ago, and declined ever since. To me, I describe it as my dad dying twice. When he had his stroke, and when his body gave out. When he had a stroke, he lost most of his motor function. Lived on a feeding tube, couldn’t speak in complete sentences, and then also lost most of his ability to read. Which is notable because he was the type of dude who read a book a week. But after the stroke, he sat in front of the TV and watched the show “Heartland” on repeat for 5 years. It hurt seeing a man that never watched TV, only watch one show on repeat, day in, day out.
I realize that this didn’t really answer your question. It’s hard to describe something that you always had. But I can describe having something taken from you. It feels like having the floor ripped out from under you. It feels like being in the ocean, and the floaty you are holding onto, deflates. You know you can tread water. You know you can swim. But not having that floaty makes it much more scary.
It sucks to have a father very much alive and very much NOT a father. Love was transactional. Do X, get love, do bad, no love. Deeply toxic, lots of screaming and yelling; a generation earlier, I’d have gotten the same physical abuse he got from his dad, thankfully spared that. Now decades later, we’re ghosts in the same room. He’s not mean, we’re perfectly cordial; but he doesn’t understand the idea of love, let alone fatherly or selfless love.
It’s like having a real life superhero in your life for me. I’m 27 and this dude is still my benchmark for what strength, independence, and dependability should be. I’m happy that in the draw of having a present father in my life or not, that i came out a winner.
My dad died when I was 5yo.(youngest of 4kids) No uncles or grandpas. It looked enviable at some of my friends experiences with great dads. By all accounts my dad was a great dad too. He was an active coach for my older brother. But then I see how much my brother missed because of the hole he never was abale to fill. I also knew kids who’s dads were such assholes, boozers, beat the shit outta them, himiliated their families etc. so a terrible dad is way worse than no dad at all!
My parents are the biggest reason I am the person I am today. My Dad is the reason I am the MAN (and father) I am today. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But I am the better version of him (in his words) and that’s he ever could hope for having me a such a young age.
It depends. Generally, you they’re practical influences, and you build and fix things with them. They also teach you to interact with people differently.
When my Dad was alive, I knew there was at least one man in the world who wanted to see me succeed even more than I did. I knew that if I were in a jam, he’d be there to fight alongside me, no questions asked. He loved my sons as much as I do. He was generous with them in ways that he couldn’t be when I was growing up.
He developed vascular dementia and even when he didn’t recognize me, he was glad to see me. There were days that he thought I was his younger brother, and he’d tell stories about their high school days-stories I never would have heard otherwise.
One morning I got the call that I knew was coming-he’d passed peacefully in his sleep at 84. I’ve missed him every day since, but have also realized he’s never too far away.
Quick bio he’s 5’11, solid build, and blind, he is very intelligent(also HS dropout) and has the craziest work ethic I know… wasn’t born blind, but caught this symptom in his mid 40’s, where his cataracts degraded quickly.
It was tough growing up, but he made sure we had a roof over our head, safe and dry place to sleep and food to eat, we also travelled a lot, I’ve been to 4/7 continents(plan to see them all), he always pushed us to achieve success in whatever we were doing, sports, academics, arts etc.. but as we got older he became more and more limited, sold the business and retired, thank whoever is in charge of assigning parents, because my mom has to also be up there too, from what they’ve been through together, there was no suprise to me, she was still loyal. Regardless of his limitations, he still was enthusiastic about doing things with us from fishing, gardening, camping etc, it was infectious. But over time there was a subtle shift, of him guiding me and getting everything prepared for me, to me doing it for him. It was a slow transition from feeling like a burden to “finally! I can help.”
He use to smoke and drink before he met my mom and doesn’t talk about those days, so we basically grew up religious. I did my own thing and my dad was dissappointed but still loved me, he gave me this feeling of “I am an adult now” but regardless of my choices which is also tied to a consequence, he will still provide me with the same love and support. He has invested heavily in my future, in a weird way I don’t want to disappoint as I know I’ve had it easier compared to my peers and I am grateful.
The thing he has taught me that has stuck growing up was “expect the best, but prepare for the worst”. Lve
My dads fucking annoying so shit you never know might be better off 😂😂
He cheated me out of money and tried to sue for more money. My father is the type i would not want to be for my kids.
I want to like my dad because he’s a super smart and agreeable guy, but he simply didn’t fulfill enough of his fatherly duties. He’s somewhere on the autism spectrum and doesn’t have much social or emotional intelligence, so he never taught me how to talk to girls or how to be confident, and he never tried to stop my manic, anxious and controlling mom from going batshit crazy on me and my sister. He may have been a brilliant scientist who made a vaccine for cancer, but he’s a coward and an emotional ignoramus. I wish I felt different but it is what it is
A constant disappointment
Holy shit I would like to know my sons’ answer to this question. Like OP, I grew up without one too. I did my best but I know I sucked some days. There are just things I still don’t know. I would like to think they appreciate me and understand the bad days. But it would be nice to see them answer a random redditor.
I teared up a little at the question, having lost my father when I was 14 and having to become the man of the house at a young age