I just need to vent. MIL lives with us currently because of her poor financial choices. For free. No living expenses. She’s a very draining person. For example, when we talked to her about how she needs to work more and get on her feet, she said the words outloud: I don’t ask for much, I just need a place to live. Girl. What? How do you not get what a burden that is? How do you not see that’s a HUGE ask to live in someone else’s house for FREE?
She’s also only 63, very physically active, healthy, and completely capable of working full time. She just “doesn’t want to” because it’s “hard” and she has a jazzercise class she likes two mornings a week.
Anyway, sadly, her brother was just diagnosed with an inoperable cancer. My mom died of cancer. Her mom died of cancer. We were talking about his situation and she was reflecting on the passage of time and how her and her siblings are now in the same age range and health situations as her parents. That’s all totally valid.
But then she turned HER BROTHER’S CANCER DIAGNOSIS into a sob story about herself, saying how she feels like she is a peer of me and my husband. She feels like she’s in her 30s, not her 60s. And that she’s only reminded we’re not peers when “I’m not included in something or I’m not wanted because I’m the parent.” When I tell you my jaw was on the floor. Lady, we’re not peers. We’re not friends. You’re 30 years older than us, you’re my husband’s mom, and you are absolutely not my people. I was genuinely disgusted.
Turning your brother’s cancer diagnosis into a manipulative whining sob story about not being included in things and not being wanted….like woman…have you NO SHAME?!? What is wrong with her????
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DH: Mom, if you were in your 30s you would have a full time job that takes priority over jazzercise class right? Much like you should have in your 60s?
And “peers” who live with me pay rent.
She doesn’t work because you don’t make her. Set a boundary. Either she gets a job to contribute to household costs, or she needs to find another place to live.
My mother has live with me since 2008 do I get it. When she first moved in, I made her get a job if for no other reason than to get her out of the house. I take 3/4 of her SS and pension to cover the cost of her living expenses and my parter and I subsidize the rest. It leaves enough left for her to get groceries, go out to eat, get her hair done, etc. I am all that she had so she either contributed or she would have been put on the street. Sounds harsh but I’m nobody’s free ride, not even my mothers.
I promise you, the threat of getting the boot from your house will get her motivated but you have to set a deadline and prepare to follow through.