I’m a 32 F and married to a 35 M and honestly in need of advice. I don’t know who to go to because my family loves him, they always say he’s such a good guy and how lucky I am. But I don’t feel lucky at all.
Back story; we met at work, we were friends at first and fell in love. He had a subcontractor company and needed help in the office, I as an accountant offered to help instead of hire someone. Well part time went to full time and now we work together, although we may not see each other all day we are often on the phone about work.
Recently, I’ve had a series of terrible events happen. I found out I was pregnant, everything was going well after my previous 6 miscarriages (no children) however out of nowhere a tumor grew on the babies neck and I had to get a D&C. At the same time my grandmother who basically raised me from birth got diagnosed with glioblastoma and had emergency brain surgery now undergoing chemo and radiation. He knows how close I am to her, he’s seen me break down multiple times. Not just about her but the pregnancy, work has been tough new projects, clients and we opened up a new side to the business, got new office employees to train and run an office all while trying to hold it together. To say the least I am overwhelmed. I barely sleep from stress and I just feel like he’s withdrawn from me when I need him most.
I handle everything in the office from billing, to insurance, paperwork, etc. Even though we have employees everything kinda goes through me. I hired people to make my life easier but he still will call me for nonsense. At home, I take care of everything. Cook, groceries, etc. I have a cleaning lady because I just cannot keep up with everything so that’s helpful but when it comes to simple tasks around the house he doesn’t help. He doesn’t buy me flowers or chocolate strawberries – the only thing I ask for. I don’t like surprises so I don’t want him buying me birthday gifts but simple measures that show he cares is what I want. To add to it I’m a very affectionate person. We barely cuddle or have sex. Maybe once a month or twice. I honestly don’t think he’s cheating because he doesn’t have the time to.
I think his lack of responsibilities stems from his child hood, as the youngest and with a large age gap between siblings everything was just handed to him.
I don’t know what to do. There’s positives in this relationship where he lets me make decisions on my own, he gives me my freedom, makes me laugh, I feel comfortable telling him things and being my true self, never questions me, always there for my family but not me. Or at least that’s how I feel. Every time I try and say something he either gets upset or says that work has been crazy and we need to struggle a little in order to be more successful. Which trust me I know, but why should I have to suffer? I just want to feel loved and appreciated and I just don’t. I feel like I’m just there or maybe I’ve become a friend. I don’t know but I do want to fix it.
What do I do? Should I move out for a bit and give him some alone time? Maybe that’s what we need ? Space? I’m not sure but I’m usually the one who has the answers to everything and right now I don’t. don’t know what to do. There’s positives in this relationship where he lets me make decisions on my own, he gives me my freedom, never questions me, always there for my family but not me. Or at least that’s how I feel. Every time I try and say something he either gets upset or says that work has been crazy and we need to struggle a little in order to be more successful. Which trust me I know, but why should I have to suffer? I just want to feel loved and appreciated and I just don’t. I feel like I’m just there or maybe I’ve become a friend. I don’t know but I do want to fix it.
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I’m a 32 F and married to a 35 M and honestly in need of advice. I don’t know who to go to because my family loves him, they always say he’s such a good guy and how lucky I am. But I don’t feel lucky at all.
Back story; we met at work, we were friends at first and fell in love. He had a subcontractor company and needed help in the office, I as an accountant offered to help instead of hire someone. Well part time went to full time and now we work together, although we may not see each other all day we are often on the phone about work.
Recently, I’ve had a series of terrible events happen. I found out I was pregnant, everything was going well after my previous 6 miscarriages (no children) however out of nowhere a tumor grew on the babies neck and I had to get a D&C. At the same time my grandmother who basically raised me from birth got diagnosed with glioblastoma and had emergency brain surgery now undergoing chemo and radiation. He knows how close I am to her, he’s seen me break down multiple times. Not just about her but the pregnancy, work has been tough new projects, clients and we opened up a new side to the business, got new office employees to train and run an office all while trying to hold it together. To say the least I am overwhelmed. I barely sleep from stress and I just feel like he’s withdrawn from me when I need him most.
I handle everything in the office from billing, to insurance, paperwork, etc. Even though we have employees everything kinda goes through me. I hired people to make my life easier but he still will call me for nonsense. At home, I take care of everything. Cook, groceries, etc. I have a cleaning lady because I just cannot keep up with everything so that’s helpful but when it comes to simple tasks around the house he doesn’t help. He doesn’t buy me flowers or chocolate strawberries – the only thing I ask for. I don’t like surprises so I don’t want him buying me birthday gifts but simple measures that show he cares is what I want. To add to it I’m a very affectionate person. We barely cuddle or have sex. Maybe once a month or twice. I honestly don’t think he’s cheating because he doesn’t have the time to.
I think his lack of responsibilities stems from his child hood, as the youngest and with a large age gap between siblings everything was just handed to him.
I don’t know what to do. There’s positives in this relationship where he lets me make decisions on my own, he gives me my freedom, makes me laugh, I feel comfortable telling him things and being my true self, never questions me, always there for my family but not me. Or at least that’s how I feel. Every time I try and say something he either gets upset or says that work has been crazy and we need to struggle a little in order to be more successful. Which trust me I know, but why should I have to suffer? I just want to feel loved and appreciated and I just don’t. I feel like I’m just there or maybe I’ve become a friend. I don’t know but I do want to fix it.
What do I do? Should I move out for a bit and give him some alone time? Maybe that’s what we need ? Space? I’m not sure but I’m usually the one who has the answers to everything and right now I don’t. don’t know what to do. There’s positives in this relationship where he lets me make decisions on my own, he gives me my freedom, never questions me, always there for my family but not me. Or at least that’s how I feel. Every time I try and say something he either gets upset or says that work has been crazy and we need to struggle a little in order to be more successful. Which trust me I know, but why should I have to suffer? I just want to feel loved and appreciated and I just don’t. I feel like I’m just there or maybe I’ve become a friend. I don’t know but I do want to fix it.
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