Hi, i just want to start this off by saying i am looking for advice as i don’t know what i want. I live in florida so there is a 6 week ban and i only have 5 days left to make a decision (although it seems making an appointment in time may be nearly impossible and the system is certainly rigged). I want to be a good mom, i really do and i know i could be but i’m a full time student and i work at tacobell.. idk if i would be okay. I have saved up about 40k but is that enough?
My boyfriend is looking for a good paying job but that was so we could move out not to support a child. He clearly wants me to have an abortion and i don’t want to single handedly ruin his life but he keeps occasionally considering keeping it and when i hear it it makes my heart warm bcs ik if both of us are trying we could do it together, but i also know it’s not what he wants.
Overall, I just want to know if keeping it would truly ruin my life or if it would just be a lot of work.please believe me when i say i have always been willing to work. I have a full time job and a 4.0 GPA, i work until 5am so i can go to school during the day. I know i can do whatever i put my mind to but i need to know if this is taking that way too far and if my idea of what could be is completely unattainable. i don’t want my boyfriend to hate me forever if it doesn’t go our way.
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don’t keep it. wait until you both are financially stable and emotionally stable.
I would recommend adoption over abortion if you decide you can’t raise the baby. Abortion can hurt your reproductive organs and can possibly cause future issues when you are ready.
I’m so glad I never went thru with the abortion I thought I would have. He’s the greatest blessing! I think I would always wonder what if’s if I went thru with that decision.
Think long and wise about this decision. No matter what you decide, make sure you won’t wonder about the what if’s
do what u want it’s ur body, and ur life. if you feel like it’s not the best idea and you’d rather wait than go for the abortion and maybe think about iud during the process, if you think you’re capable right now of supporting the baby ( possibly by yourself ) and it’s what you want to do than keep the baby and forget what your bf says. wish you the best of luck❤️
It won’t necessarily ruin your life but it will be a lot of work.
Do you have emotional and financial support from family also? If you haven’t told them, it would be good to do so that you can consider all your options.
https://aidaccess.org/en/
If you keep it, it will lead to a tremendous change in your life. I was in a similar situation a few years back, and chose not to keep it. My boyfriend broke up with me, but my life improved significantly afterward. My career opportunities, travel, etc were endless, and I have no regrets.
Regardless if you keep the baby or not, you will find a way to make it work. Either decision will be difficult for different reasons.
Goto school, get a real job, you will find a way either way.
Good luck to you. My wife had our oldest at 18, and we live a great life. His dad is sort of present, and theres some definite struggles from that, including mental health related. Its really hard for her, and harder for me to share with her. Our son whose 6 is an absolute awesome kid in so many ways just a little ADHD like me.
Honesty, likely for a few years either work or school will give way. 40,000 is a good nest egg but it won’t stay there. You’ll either chip away at it for child care and getting ready for baby or you won’t be able to work or go to school and that money will go to pay your bills. I’m not saying you can’t. I’m saying it will be harder than you could ever imagine. Children especially babies take time and money. Remember healthcare and subsidies like WIC are being gutted. May you find prosperity no matter what you choose.
I just turned 20 and my daughter’s turning 2 tomorrow. My girlfriend is a year younger than me and if it wasn’t for me being able to reason with her grandma, mom would’ve forced abortion. My baby girl is a blessing, every day. When you feel like you have nobody and nobody cares about you and life sucks, they are your warmth.
If your boyfriend wants you to get an abortion, he will never stick around once you have the baby. You will be raising it on your own and damned lucky to get child support.
You’re a teenager, and this will permanently alter your life in ways you cannot grasp.
I had my first kid when I was 17. A lot of ppl said I was ruining my life. But it’s been the complete opposite. I didn’t care about doing good with my life. Was about to drop out of high school. But once I got preggo it changed me for the good. I went onto college, got my degree and now have 4 other boys.Kids are truly a blessing
The only person who can make this decision for you is you. Remember that having a baby is more than just having a baby. You are raising a human being for the rest of your life. Your entire life will have to revolve around that child. Parenting never ends. Not if you want to be a good parent. Every decision you make should be with that child in mind once it is born. And you will be tied to your boyfriend for the rest of your life, whether the relationship works out or not. Take all of that into consideration when making this decision. You are very young. There are organizations and funds that will help you with whatever decision you choose.
https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/
This is a link to a pregnancy options workbook you can use to work through your feelings. I used it when I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant a few years ago.
I was in the same boat. The “father” convinced me we could do it, I was also the only one working. Turns out, he was garbage and I was a single mom for a few years. I had my son at 20 and I am 36 now and just now finishing my degree. It was very hard, emotionally devastating and I wasn’t able to be the happy mom my son deserved. I have immense guilt about that. I do not regret my son, he is 16 now and knowing the young man he is now, I could never regret bringing him into the world. That being said, I wish that I had really thought about my choice, because it was MY choice but I let someone else influence my decision. I didn’t have the foresight to see just how hard this was going to be.
I have two younger kiddos with an amazing man, who is the best dad (step) to my older son and the bio dad to my younger kids. The difference in the type of mother I was able to be, with a supportive man and home life is…a complete 180. I feel so guilty that my first son didn’t get the safe and happy mom, he got the scared mom who lived in survival mode. That’s something I have to live with. My oldest and I have a great relationship and he doesn’t even have bad memories, but I do, I know what it was like and somehow that feels worse.
So…choose for you, not for what you hope will happened but what will likely happen.
North Carolina allows it up to 12 weeks. Can you take a road trip?
Do what you want and do not worry about your boyfriend.. if you want to keep it, it’s not fair for him to persuade you otherwise.. he played a role in making a baby as well. That said, if you decide abortion is what’s right for you, thats okay too. I just want you to make the decision based off how you feel and not what he’s saying to you, regardless of him saying he wants you to have the baby or not.
Another little tid bit.. my mom was 19 when she had me. She was working at a laundry mat and we lived in a one bedroom apartment. My dad was in and out of the picture and a gang member, so not much financial help there, she also didn’t have major family support. She gave me the best she could and looking back at my childhood even though we didn’t have a ton of money, I was loved and knew I always had my mom. my only complaints have to do with my dad lol she’s become a very successful woman, she worked her ass off to get where she is now. Not here to say it was easy, but it’s doable! I’m sorry you’re being faced with this difficult situation.
I think the two of you need to sit down with both of your families and have a genuine talk. If anyone starts to get rowdy then they aren’t understanding the point. This isn’t about you guys being young and it’s not about money. Are ALL of you ready for this change. Are your parents ready to support their daughter during pregnancy? Is your bfs family all in? Who will take care of you in the event you get sick during pregnancy. Are you AND your bf knowledgeable on what happens to your body?
These are all questions that have to be thought about and answered. OP this is real life girl. Don’t let your bf put pressure on you either. If he truly doesn’t want to be a dad he can sign away his rights. This ain’t no play play shit fr fr.
I was pregnant at 19 (I’ll be 25 in a few days) and my husband at the time pressured me into the abortion, NEVER put anyone else before yourself in a decision like this, I did and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret it- if I would’ve thought for myself I’d have a 5 year old with me.
I just had my first baby in March, and she is everything I’ve ever needed, I work at Amazon and am far from having a cushion (40k is a great cushion), not to mention you could also apply for Medicaid, EBT, WIC and it helps tremendously.
The fact that you say “I want to be a good mom” is something I said while I was pregnant and not that I have my daughter with me, I say “I WILL be a good mom”, really sit down with yourself and just yourself and think about what YOU want because at the end of the day that what really matters, if you choose to have it then you’ll be alright— I know I will be and I’m doing it on my own.
It’s hard but I know I can do it because she’s by my side.
Your boyfriend and you 100% won’t stay together, so if you decide to keep it, know you’ll be doing it without him.
I’m sorry, but babies and 20+ years of parenting decisions break even the most stable of relationships.
I would really consider termination. Not just for you, but your future kids deserve to grow up with a little more stability. I’m 100% confident that you could find a way! But when the time is right, you could provide a more stable upbringing and maybe even have the number of kids you want as this may limit you (date your bf, traumatic breakup, recovery as single mom, long pause, eventual dating, marriage, then future kids).
I am sending you a thousand hugs for whatever you choose, but as a big sis I’m trying to keep it real that looking 5 years ahead of these two life paths for you, and having planned kids when you are a little older and have been with your partner longer might be better for all involved.
I have two girls around your age, consider me your internet mom …..this is the exact advice I’d give my own daughters. You’re 19 you have your whole life ahead of you and there is plenty of time to have kids at the right time, think about yourself your life moving forward, make that appt. tomor. Being a single parent….yes you’ll end up as a single parent which will be tough and a lot of women struggle and are on welfare and can’t get themselves out of the rut . Never mind what your BF says he will not be around for you you’ll be stuck raising a child alone. Mistakes happen use this as a learning lesson get yourself on birth control and let him wear a condom so this can’t happen again.
Get an abortion in another state. Oh no a miscarriage. Move on.
We were the same age when we discovered our first was on the way. We’ve now been happily married for nearly 18 years, added five more kids to our family, and seem to do better than most financially, even with her as a SAHM. The point I’m trying to make is that keeping your child will not ruin your life, and may instead bless your life in ways you never thought imaginable.
At this point, you really may not have a choice unless you go out of state. I would say it will be nearly impossible for you to get an appointment and have the procedure if you’re 5 days away from 6 weeks. I’ve made an appt for this before and it was 3 weeks out PLUS they make you wait 72 hours after the initial appt.
If you decide that’s the route you want to go, look into abortion subreddits that may be able to help get pills mailed to you if you can’t get an appt.
You could do the abortion, you could give the baby up for adoption, or you could keep it. It’s your choice. Think about all the different outcomes, the negatives and the positives and then make the choice that is best for you and only you. Personally I am prolife but I also get why people are pro choice and would never ever judge or condemn someone for making a choice that’s best for them. Most of these MAGA fucks are antiabortion and not prolife because if they cared about life they wouldn’t be cutting funding for all the things that help with LIFE. Sorry for the rant.
There really isn’t a good paying job… enough to support a family…for a 19 year old. It’s hard.
I think the most important part of having a baby is having a supportive partner. In the first few weeks, you get MAYBE 2-3 hours of actual sleep and that’s not even in a row, that’s broken up throughout the night. If he’s not in it right now, what makes you think he will be when the baby is actually here and the hard part sets in? I’m so sorry if this is not what you want to hear but I had a baby 7 months ago and I genuinely don’t understand how single mothers get by. I have a career and a great income so if I had to be a single mother, I could. If it came down to it, could you be emotionally, physically, and financially present for your baby AND for yourself? My daughter is the best thing that happened to me but she was planned because my husband and I were BOTH ready.
Honey, You won’t ruin your Bf’s life. He’s just feeling the pressure. In this moment, you both will realize that your not just living for yourselves. He’s worried just like u are, abt what the right decision is. Ur both young & its the most important decision of your lives. I believe in you & I know u can do this. Look how hard u work? & look at all the things you’ve overcome, your already a great example. There will be sm times even after a child, where u’ll wonder what the right choice is. Follow your heart. Pray about it.
Having a child, is alot of work but its the biggest blessing & its worth every single struggle ❤️ I promise you even the people you think will never accept a Baby, will be the first ones to fall in Love with that Baby when it arrives. You may think ur Bf’s upset but I believe he’s just fearful, he’s probably questioning himself abt whether he can do this or not. I know both of u will wonder, how you’ll support a child financially & Im here to tell you that You’ll will find your way & God will find a way. Both of you have gone through worse & survived. Like you said, you can do anything you put your mind to!!!
Don’t just think about what he wants, what do you want? Do u wanna have this Baby? Are you ready to put that Child & its safety before anything? Are you ready to give up a part of your independence? God chose you to be a Mother & not every woman gets this blessing. There will be times that you’ll be stressed & there will be moments when you’ll struggle, but everytime you look into that Baby’s face, every difficult moment, every tear & every test of faith will all be worth it, bc it led you to your purpose, of being a Mother to your Baby 🥹❤️
First of all my heart goes out to you, I know this is a really difficult decision to make. My opinion, also being 19f, if you’re having doubts I would say it’s not a good idea to keep the pregnancy. If your bf is pushing you for an abortion his feelings are not going to change after you have the baby. If you do choose to keep the baby, you would have to be balancing school, work, and having a child which is a full time job in itself. Also consider the additional possibility of having no support from your partner and family. If I were in your situation, I would hold off on having children until you’re at least out of college. Even though I don’t doubt you’re incredibly hard working, it’s going to be insanely difficult to go to college, work full time, and have a newborn. In most cases like this the mother doesn’t finish school which is unfortunate. You risk not giving enough time and attention to the baby as well as stretching yourself too thin. Make sure that you make yourself, your education, and your happiness a priority. Regardless, I hope you make the decision that’s right for you and that you find peace. Either way it will all be okay in the end.
I had a baby at 19. He didn’t ruin my life but our lives were really hard. I worked long hours at hard jobs. I couldn’t finish college. My relationship with his dad didn’t last because we were too young and they usually don’t.
He is the best thing that ever happened to me. I didn’t know you could love like this. He’s 18 now and just graduated high school. He’s moved away for college.
All that to say, it has to be your decision. It’s a tough one and I don’t envy you.
Consider day care. For the first 6 months, my husband and I hardly slept.
I had my daughter at 21 and I was married. I didn’t finish college until I was 27. I had to take low-paying jobs that had flexible schedules to be able to have someone to watch my baby.
It’s very hard and you’ll have to sacrifice a lot, but no one can make the choice but you.
If you do abortion you literally kill a life.
Have your baby. You can decide whether to keep him/her or give them up for adoption.
If you choose to keep it, understand that it will completely change your life. You will watch your friends go out and have fun whilst you are stuck at home looking after a baby. They will go on to have great careers, you will have to put in a ton of work to look after the baby AND juggle a career. You will be constantly tired and exhausted. Your boyfriend may eventually leave, which will make you a single mum and will amplify everything above 100x.
You can make it work. It’s certainly not impossible. But you do need to understand what you will be sacrificing. There is no going back once the baby has arrived.
ABORT, u are 19 and u work at Taco Bell, no offense. there’s plenty of time to have kids when you have your ducks in a rowbdown the line
A 19yo student who works at Taco Bell and has $40,000 saved? Lol.
No, that is not enough – a baby and associated costs will go through that so fast it’ll make your head spin. I bet you think I’m kidding. I’m not.
You’re an adult, you get to make your own decisions, but right now you’re burning your candle on both ends with a blow torch.
Personally I would not have a child until our financially ready for it – and taco bell, is not that.
You really aren’t going to like Taco Bell when you have to take time away from it… To take care of your baby.
And, if you’re human, you’ll probably resent your baby when you see all of your friends doing all kinds of fun things that you can’t do…
Because you have a baby.
You’re not really ready to have a child, and you know it.
And the clock is ticking.
Make your best decision.