I don’t even think I need advice. Me and my boyfriend have great communication and a solid relationship, but I’m still pained by this and don’t really have any close friends to tell this to.
My boyfriend (18M) has been having problems with wanting to sleep with me for a few weeks now. Every time I’ve initiated over the weeks, it’s been met with “I’m not in the mood” and pushing me away. When it happened the first few times I didn’t think anything of it, but now I’m worried. We used to be very intimate very often. I was under the impression his libido was higher than mine, but now suddenly I feel like he’s getting bored of me or doesn’t find me desirable anymore, which breaks my heart.
It just feels weird, because I feel like something changed, but when I asked my boyfriend about it, he said he had no idea what the problem was. I’m just paranoid that if I push him, he’ll do it just to placate me and I don’t want that to happen.
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It’s really normal to feel confused when things shift in a relationship… sometimes people just need time to figure out what’s going on, and it doesn’t always mean there’s something wrong, but I get that it can be really hard to tell, so maybe talking about it more could help both of you understand each other better, and honestly, it sounds like you’re doing a pretty good job already.
Maybe you got comfortable? Try flirting more and teasing. MAKE him want to have sex with you.
It’s either that or he’s not communicating as well as you thought he was. But I like to give benefit of the doubt and say maybe he’s just not in the mood. So, get him in the mood. 😉
Just one advice! Talk to him.
Men sometimes do not get what you say indirectly.
Typical of the age.
Also this goes both ways. Dating is complex. Let him chase you some and his interest will likely increase.
None of us can even speculate about what is going on with your boyfriend’s sudden change in libido or interest – the main point is, he won’t talk to you about it, pushes you away, says he doesn’t know. Unacceptable to communicate so poorly that your partner is anxious and worried something has changed.
If your gut tells you something is wrong, believe yourself.
I’m sorry for you, your situation makes me think of how a girl I used to date started seeing someone else during our relationship. I had my doubts but no confirmation from her. I only heard some corroborating testimony from a friend months after I had ended it. I don’t want to be alarmist or worsen your fears / anxiety but I’ve been there and it sucks.
It could also be new medication or mental health issues, libido can change for many reasons. In any case, good luck, I’m sure you’ll be okay in the end!
If nothing major happened like big argument or his illness, he shouldn’t “push” you away, but rather calmly decline. It’s surely frustrating for you, I get it, and that kind of sudden shift surely feels like being rejected, even if it’s nobody’s fault.
But if you have as great communication as you stated, it shouldn’t be so hard to sit down with him and talk about it, not from accusatory position, but rather with concern about his mood, his feeling about his body, his attraction to you etc. He should talk about it, you can’t keep a relationship where you talk to the wall and can’t even help him bc he’s not cooperative or doesn’t wanna change anything.
He may be sick, he may be extremely tired and stressed out, he may suffer from low self esteem.
Don’t jump to conclusions and don’t accuse, but he may be cheating on you and receive intimacy from someone else. Hope it’s not the case, but that’s a realistic scenario, unfortunately. And you have every right to consider every scenario when your need to communication openly isn’t reciprocated.
As a former teenage boy I cannot overstate how oblivious we are to hints and inferences. If you talk to him again calmly and lovingly explain why it’s important to you. Don’t be confrontational, come at it from a place of love
Conversation is important. Talk to him. If there are no issues elsewhere (for example he isn’t trying to hide you from friends/on social media or take you on dates), don’t overthink. Maybe there is a problem he doesn’t want to disclose now or is embarrassed by. Either way, you’re 19, I promise you – you got time. Be gentle yet assertive – let him know you are worried, your needs aren’t met, and if he isn’t even willing to discuss that and get to the root of the matter, you will not tolerate it.
I would like to add on to this.
Guys, I do not think he’s cheating. We know eachother’s families, our relationship is otherwise healthy, we have many friends in common and we spend a whole LOT of time together. Also, he’s never been a “ladies man”.
Stress hurts libido. Check in with him.
Intimacy comes and goes. Things like stress, anxiety, depression etc can all impact his libido. Maybe take a break from the physical intimacy and focus on emotional intimacy. See if there is something he feels isn’t being fulfilled or something that is weighing on him. It’s not always a you thing causing this.