We’ve been together for two years and a half. Since I met her, I have known she is Christian but she was not fully devoted, and Religion is not that important for me. Everything was going great but recently she has become extremely religious. She has said that now she wants to devote her life to God and she wants me to do so as well. We’ve had sex before and now she wants to wait until marriage (when i met her, she said she wanted to wait until marriage to have sex but we still ended up having sex and we both enjoyed it, and we’ve done it for more than a year without any issues). Now she’s telling me that having sex was a mistake and that’s not what she really wanted. I don’t know how to feel, I don’t feel like I even know her anymore. She was great, I love her to death and I’m aware that women like her are hard to find. We always respected each other, shared similar hobbies and time together was amazing. I feel so attached to her but I’m heartbroken, everything changed so quickly. I assume that no sex before marriage is not the only thing that is going to change, and I feel that in a future we are going to go by her terms, and what is right for her and her believes, even if those believes are against mine.
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seems like you two or no longer compatible
Talk to her about what her expectations would be. You’ve had sex you know you are sexually compatible, now you need to know what she wants from the rest of her life. If it something you can’t agree to, break up.
The exact same thing happened to me around your age. My gf went from a liberal free spirit feminist to an ultra conservative religious nut basically overnight. We broke up because that’s not my cup of tea. A few years later I met and married the perfect person for me.
You no longer align. Time to separate
Christianity is such a toxic ideology, it’s like being told you have cancer so you’d better do chemo, so you do chemo and poison your body only to discover you never actually had cancer to begin with
Unfortunately, this sort of thing can happen. You’re both very young, people grow and change, especially at these ages. In this case, you’re growing in different directions. She’s not wrong for her evolved views about religion, and you’re not wrong if you don’t share those views, but you’re now wrong for each other. It’s time for you both to move on.
Run.
People that devote their lives to JC are just dreadfully boring. Fun has left your relationship.
I see you understand things pretty quickly…
Sounds like a based woman
She’s going to rank what she claims her imaginary friend wants over what you want going forward.
I would bail
So, it sounds like your GF opted for moral values (as it used to be called) and your bent cause you won’t get your wickie wet? Correct? Sounds more like dependency than love. The world is full of loosie-goosie gals if that is what you are interested in. Some guy who wants a girl with high moral values and faith will come along and snap her up. It’s as simple, and as complex, as that. Best of luck to you.
It sounds like in the long run you both will be happier with someone else because you are no longer on the same path.
Good for her deepening her faith, but it’s not fair of her to suddenly demand that you change to remain compatible with her. The fact is that Christianity can only be from the heart. As a Christian, she ought to know that. You’re no longer compatible and you should break up so that you can both find better suited people.
Break up
Unfortunately, you two are no longer compatible. This sounds like a deal-breaker for you.
Hopefully she breaks up with you.
These are not the droids you are looking for.
She gets to withdraw consent at any time, as do you. That said, it is enough that you all might not be compatible anymore. Maybe give the relationship as it has become a few weeks to figure it out. If it no longer works, that is okay.
You are both really young and in the process of figuring out who you are. It is okay for you to grow and change in ways that no longer fit well together.
I’d bail, my dude. My hometown was full of this type. Can’t regrow that hymen.
Also, you’re 20. it’s just plain silly to think you won’t meet other great women.
This happened to me at this age too. It was actually the only healthy breakup I had lol we just no longer aligned and that’s okay
Are you asking how to convince her to give up her religious beliefs?
Or are you asking how you can accept that you’re in a relationship with someone that you’re religiously incompatible with?
Just end it already.
You guys didn’t “align” in the first place. Nothing changed. She became more serious about the value she already had and you thought they would just go away for your sake. Learn more about compatibility before you stick it in next time
break up. this is the kind of thing that happens a lot at your age. might be a phase fore her, might not.
“I love her to death and I’m aware that women like her are hard to find”
you are 20 years old. You don’t know what the world has to offer yet.
“I assume that no sex before marriage is not the only thing that is going to change”
you assume correctly.
I could never date someone so brainwashed, so my advice would be to break up. UpdateMe
story time!
I was a college freshman, dating this girl that I was 100% certain i would marry, some day. she was a Christian, but not very serious about it, at all. to this day, I’ve still never met a woman that interested in sex.
we hit a rough patch in our relationship and started to drift. we realised this and had planned to spend the upcoming weekend together, reconnecting and finding out if we really wanted to end things.
I got out of class early on that friday, and went to my room. we’d planned to meet and start with a picnic, just as soon as she got done with her classes for the day.
she eventually showed up, late, and with a weird twinkle in her eye. she’d run into a classmate who had invited her to a religious retreat for the weekend. she very, very, clearly wanted to go, but of course we’d made plans to spend all weekend together.
I eagerly told her “not a chance– babe, if you want to do this, then you should go! I’ll be waiting for you, and just that much more eager to spend time with you!”
she refused a handful of times, as one does, but eventually I convinced her I could wait. this was the last time i’d ever see her as a normal, happy, healthy, young woman.
she went and came back a completely different person. I still can’t understand it. soon, everyone in her life– her roommate, her college friends, her old high school friends, and members her family– all came to me, asking what on earth happened to her, and telling me she’d clearly been brainwashed.
everything– and I do mean everything– in her life was now 100% about her newfound religion. you couldn’t talk to her for more than 3 minutes without getting invited to a church retreat. you know, just in case YOU wanted to be brainwashed, too!
we tried to stay together, but she was now a completely, totally, wholly, different person. in the span of 2-3 days, this borderline nympho could no longer even consider sex, anymore. it was like the light in her eyes had changed colours, permanently. it was like talking to a robot, programmed only to invite you to volleyball, or an out-of-town retreat.
you know– with them.
I still think about her often. I’ve seen people who changed less after dying than this vibrant, gorgeous, alive, woman did. my RA, who adored the both of us, researched it and her “church” was recognised as a full-on cult by folks who studied those things.
your girlfriend probably got brainwashed. she is gone, unless you accept the brainwashing, too.
Tell her according to the Bible that you are not equally yoked.
End this relationship. You two are no longer compatible.
You have to leave. You already won in this situation. You only lose if you stick around.
If she broke her own word to herself about sex before marriage for a whole year and is now suddenly religious, that sounds like a manic attack, and not what you signed up for.
You can find out the easy way or the hard way. You choose.
Dude, I would haul ass. I guess, if she has had a religious epiphany or whatever, that might have been workable/compromisable.
However, she has stated that she wants it to be your religious epiphany. That isn’t really something you have for someone else.
I also think she maybe wasn’t upfront about how religious she was. That is, sex/normalcy was a lure that she is now weaponizing to recruit you. That isn’t ok.
You didn’t enter a relationship with a religious zealot when you started dating. Don’t do so now. Just dip.
Is it possible she is trying to pressure on you to ask her to marry you??
Afraid this is on you, you guys wasn’t even compatible to begin with.
You are in love with the way she was not the way she is anymore. Understand the difference.
I might be the only one here, but is there a chance this story is fake??? Sounds a bit sus and the “two years and a half”… first, what 20 yo talks like that? And then the math is not necessarily mathing either. Also “we’ve had sex before” as if it were once or twice, but then continues to say “we’ve done it for more than a year”…. Idk but none of this sounds true to me. (Not that the story itself is impossible to believe; for me it’s how it’s written that makes it seem fake.) If I am wrong and I’m totally picking apart real speech; I’m sorry. But I doubt it.
Take it as a blessing, better to find out she’s got severe mental illness now than later.
how abrupt was the change? was there a build up over time where she mentioned reading her bible more, attending church more frequently, and became increasingly religious over time or did she wake up one day more religious?
i saw in a comment that y’all are in a long distance relationship. when was the last time you saw her in real life? have you facetimed recently? has she made new friends? what’s her family dynamic like?
it’s completely possible that she was/has become more religious without any influence, BUT it’s also possible that her new religious fervor is the result of mental illness (schizophrenia tends to have a later onset in women, but onset in late teens/early 20s isn’t impossible, plus OCD can involve religious themes) or exposure to new people who may not have her best interests in mind.
you are absolutely allowed to wipe your hands of the whole thing and break up. there is nothing wrong with making that choice. based on my own knowledge and experience there are some things that raise tiny red flags, and sudden increased religiosity is one of them. don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, but it may be worth digging deeper.
Just let her know you no longer see a future together and then both of you can go find someone else who matches better
You need to move on. Not only did she become a born again Christian, she also became a born again virgin.
Nothing wrong with either, if your ok with it.
I am not a Christian, nor any other organized religion. I just lived in it, so I know more about it. Also, I just got baaaaked. All religions, from what I understand, have one purpose – to allow you to know God.
Same reason for science, art, beauty, love.
I never thought any this until 23-SEP-2025 at 7:17pm EST. Maybe it was coming down from Lost Lands, maybe the candy flippin but the math worked out at that moment.
Capitalism became possible do to when people began coming together in groups beyond blood/family & trade (job).
Religion brings people together from all society- different races, languages, national alliances.
Moving us forward: Look at Pharaonic religious practices- we, today, are still learning from what those peoples have preserved for us.
And don’t get me started about mesoamerica.
Christians had monks in monasteries, had copying text & tomes at a time when everyone else was illiterate, including the monarchs.
The only reason the Welsh, can speak Welsh, is because the Bible was printed in Welsh and they converted the populace to Christianity.
anywho, those groups would trade within their groups and then, out.
The Silk Road for example