As the title says very recently me and my boyfriend of almost 3 years went on a trip for about a week. For context we have gone on about 4 trips before with no issue.
Initially it all started when he offered to take up all the planning which I was so glad and happy for since i often struggle when it comes to that, now I realize I shouldn’t have let the happen and should have been way more involved, but from then on I only got small updates on hotels and activities I ofc chimed in with my opinion on what we should do and that I tend to heavily dislike going to multiple cities in one trip even if it is a week long I just find it way more stressful. He stated that he won’t go at all if we only stay in one city and since we hadn’t seen eachother in a while and we would, due to an intership, be far away from eachother after the summer too, I caved and let it happen. From then on i was pretty hands off form the whole planning phase which was stupid on my end.
The moment we arrived in the destination things were relatively normal we spend some days in a beautiful Italian city and I heavily enjoyed the first couple days although I could already start to sense some things were off such as him wanting to be out way longer that what I told him I was comfortable with and us bickering over small stuff.
The big fight started when we had to travel to the next city… he was dead set on staying for a couple hours in a sea side town instead of catching the buss imidietly after the train ride to the actual city we would be staying in. That was literal hell for me I tried expressing how I’m not comfortable with staying outside in such heat (it was about lunch time and in summer so yh) and that I’d much rather get to the hotel. He said I was being moody and messing up the trip so I just pushed threw.
Needless to say that felt horrible one hour in. Thankfully after about 3 hours we took the buss and went to the hotel things were still extremely tense between us.
He had booked for this city an amazing hotel and I felt like we could talk things threw and just agree on what to do for the one day we would in this in between place. Sadly the next day he said we would have to go up a mountain and stay there until sun down in order to catch the golden hour. I was fine with going there but he urged me to leave as early as possible I didn’t want to starts fights again so I agreed. The mountain it’s self was totally fineI but had alot of walking as it is natural. After about 4 hours I tried bringing up the idea that maybe waiting until sun down would be a bad idea since we’d have to be there for hours on end but he wouldn’t hear it. From then on it was constant complaining on my end about the heat and the long walks and how I wanted to take things more calmly or that i eanted to relax and not run around which I now realize was not the way to go about it and only made things worse.
This all ended up in a huge argument to the point where he threatened a break up due to how I was acting during the mountain visit and now idk how to approach this. On the one hand I feel horrible since he planed the whole trip and was really looking forward to it and prob’ly feels like I don’t appreciate his efforts, on the other I had tried to express how it was the first time I’d be doing a split city visit l and that im generally not used to way him and his family travel (forgot to mention we are from different countries).
Rn we aren’t speaking and stuck in a hotel room for the last days of our trip. I want to know what I should do? I love him alot and I know trips tend to be really stressful and create arguments. I don’t want to lose him due to this.
Edit: the costs were all split between us
TL;DR :
Me and my bf had a huge fight during our trip and I want to find a way to fix things before we leave back home.
Comments
In one sentence for each, what is the biggest mistake you made and what is the biggest mistake he made? Just the biggest.
I can’t imagine traveling to a beautiful country to see sunsets and beaches and mountains and having the person with me complain the whole time about how going places and doing things is horrible. That sucks for him.
he planned a trip for himself, not for the two of you. you told him what would work for you, he couldve found a middle ground you both could appreciate instead he’s lugging you all around on his adventure and ignoring how you feel. do you do this to him when youve planned trips in the past? does he end up complaining the whole time? if not, then idk why youre feeling bad about possibly losing him when he’s been bulldozing over your demands from the get go.
*edit: this isnt me saying break up, but you can feel bad about complaining the whole time and maybe apologize for that and still have a conversation about why that is happening in the first place
It sounds like no compromises were made this entire trip.
He planned the trip mainly for himself it sounds like. It also sounds like he was trying to maybe push you out of your comfort zone to see all of the things. He had things he really wanted to show and do with you, but he wasn’t actually taking you into account.
You gave him specific things you didn’t want to do, but he steamrolled it from the get-go. However, you went along with it and complained a lot of the time.
Honestly, this all sounds miserable to me. No one listened to the other and there was no compromising. You guys need to communicate better especially if you’re doing outings like mountain climbing in a foreign location. That’s danger waiting to happen.
I see that he planned the outings, but did you guys plan for the weather? It’s a summer month, these past few months have had really bad heat waves in a lot of places. I feel like there could have been some better preparation; for the hiking – taking a backpack/insulated bag with cold water bottles, taking a portable fan, some good quality sun hats, etc.
If you guys do stay together, and try and plan another trip, make sure you actually do it together. Traveling can bring out the worst in people.