My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months. We were friends for 3 years before we get into a relationship. We don’t hang out that often, but we still see each other at school. Recently, we went on a trip together with our group of college friends. However, during the trip, she seemed pretty annoyed with me.
This wasn’t the first time I noticed that behavior from her. It happened before but felt more subtle and I assumed (or we both understood) that she was just trying not to make things obvious to our friends, probably to avoid teasing. I accepted that because I’m not the type to show affection in public either, especially if it makes her uncomfortable. But during this trip, her annoyance felt much stronger than before. Another thing that really made me feel disappointed during the trip and made me think seriously about breaking up was something that happened one morning on that trip. She walked out into the shared living room while accidentally have her shirt button unbuttoned exposing her bra. Later on, I also noticed that she had left her underwear in the shared bathroom.
I did bring it up with her, and she said it was just an accident. I let it go, because I know everyone can make mistakes. But still, it left me with a weird feeling especially since there were other guys on the trip (though one of them already has a girlfriend).
On the last day of the trip, I happened to glance at her phone screen and saw a dating app installed. I know she used dating apps before we got together, but I never asked if she deleted them. I wasn’t sure if she just forgot to remove it or had recently reinstalled it. I went home early that day.
The next day, I asked her if something was wrong between us, and if things weren’t working out, we could end it. She responded by saying, “Don’t you think we’re not compatible either?”
Then I brought up the dating app, and she said something like, “Would you trust me if I said I didn’t message anyone?” I replied that it’s okay if she’s looking for someone else since I could tell she didn’t really like me. She confirmed that by saying, “I didn’t like you from the beginning, but I have my reasons that I start dating you. It’s because you are always treating me nicely.” She also said she downloaded the app “just because she was bored.”
That part really confused me. Did she download the app before we started dating and just forget to delete it? Or did she recently re-download it while we were still together?
At this point, I think our friendship might be over too. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I left the trip early and told her it’s okay if she wants someone else.
But what’s been bothering me even more is that after the trip, I tried to ask her out again. She told me that her younger brother was going to have surgery but it’s scheduled pretty far in the future and that maybe I’d have to wait until after her birthday (which is about a month away).
That made me think back there were a couple of recent times when she declined to hang out, saying I was probably busy with assignments. But then I found out she actually went out with her own friends. So now I feel like she might be avoiding me again, even though I do believe the part about her brother’s surgery is real.
Later on, she told me I was being cruel for bringing this all up while she was going through such a difficult time.
I also keep wondering if I might have some attachment issues maybe that’s why I said it’s okay if she went on dating apps to find other people, and maybe that hurt her more than I realized.
What do you guys think about this situation?
TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months. On a recent trip with friends, she acted more annoyed with me than usual. I saw a dating app on her phone, and when I asked her about it, she said she didn’t like me from the beginning but she dated me because I was nice to her. She said she downloaded the app because she was bored (I’m also wondering if she just forgot to uninstalled it since she have used it before out relationship). Now I’m wondering if I pushed her away by telling her I didn’t trust her maybe I have attachment issues. I think our friendship might be over too. Not sure what to make of all this.
Comments
You’re young and so is the relationship (only a few months). It isn’t worth the stress. Idk if this is your first relationship or maybe your longest one or what but it’s not worth it. Months into a relationship should still be the honeymoon phase. If you two aren’t basically inseparable at your age at that length of the relationship it isn’t worth it.